Tuesday, November 30, 2010

December Is Here, So Who Is Naughty And Who Is Nice?

Time to think before you shop. Look at your flyers and see which stores are Christmas friendly and which ones are not.

Funny, I just saw a commercial from Zellers, they are Santa friendly, but no mention of Christmas, only "holiday". What "holiday" would that be??? Tooth fairy "holiday", Santa "holiday", Holiday tree "holiday"? I'm mystified. Is it a "holiday" Holiday? Start to make these anti-Christmas stores feel the pain, of no "holiday" purchases.

Let's call it the German 'Holiday' Village

 It's that season again, which means that for the third year in a row, the German Christmas Village has set up a cozy collection of wooden booths and tree vendors in Dilworth Plaza on the west side of City Hall.
But a few shoppers noticed something amiss yesterday on the tall metal archways signaling the entrances to the shops. The archways had just one word on top - "Village."
Sounds festive, eh?
It turns out that the letters spelling "Christmas" were removed yesterday afternoon from the archways on the north and west sides of the plaza, at the request of Managing Director Richard Negrin. They will be replaced with the word "Holiday."
I found a list of American stores, many of them are here in Canada:

Stores Who Support Christmas vs Those who Do Not

 Here are some Christmas friendly Canadian stores:

Canadian Tire:

Very interesting comments on Christmas as opposed to Holiday.

Sears:

 
"The Holiday season is a time when people have a desire to make a difference in the lives of those in need," says Dene Rogers, president and CEO, Sears Canada Inc. "Our charity bear is one of those purchases that will bring comfort and joy to gift-givers and receivers alike, providing the opportunity for Sears customers to give to charity while fulfilling a gift for someone on their Christmas shopping list."
The Sears CEO could have been stronger in his message by saying The Christmas season, instead of the Holiday season, but I will give him points for actually using Christmas shopping list. 
 
Look at your ads and alert all of us in the comments as to who is naughty and who is nice. My Christmas dollars are going to be spent in Christmas friendly stores.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Climate Loonies Baying At The Moon....

When it is the sun that really matters! Why are all these climate conferences in warm climates for two weeks? Could it be that eco-nuts are living the high life while telling us lowly taxpayers we need to accept higher energy bills to save the planet (it's the only one we have, don't you know!)? Does Suzuki really have two houses (and 5 kids), and can anyone count how many houses Al Gore has? Did all those fake environmentalists swim to Mexico, or did they fly? The only ice that is melting is in their exotic drinks at the beach!

CANCUN, Mexico - Familiar battle lines emerged on Sunday on the eve of a conference to restore the credibility of the UN’s talks on climate change after last year’s near-disaster in Copenhagen.
Near disaster? It was a disaster. Period. The world took a deep breath and sighed in relief when nothing  was accomplished in Copenhagen. I don't see much chance of anything important coming out of Cancun either. How can it, when the world is in financial turmoil and the lefties at Cancun want us to transfer massive amounts of money to dictators, all in the name of......WHAT?
“They want to show the world that this process can deliver, it can move the international climate agenda forward.”
Mr. Runge-Metzger warned: “If we are not able to do that, then we would really have to reconsider if this process is a process that can address this very important question for humanity in this century.”
The EU looked to China and the United States -- the world’s No. 1 and 2 carbon emitters -- as well as India to make “firm commitments to do their fair share of reducing global emissions,” he said.
So their reputations are on the line, wow that makes me want to see my tax dollars go to Africa so the despots can increase their Swiss bank accounts, while keeping their subjects in poverty. Leftism really is a mental disease if they think CO2 emissions are going to be reduced by a money transfer. 

The European Union’s chief negotiator, Artur Runge-Metzger, said there was “no guarantee” the talks under the UN Framework Convention on Climate Change (UNFCCC) would follow this new, pragmatic, incremental path.
Anyone else notice that just like they changed "global warming" to "climate change" they have now also change the discredited "IPCC" to the "UNFCCC"? 

Face it, the eco-nuts are going on a two week vacation to Cancun Mexico on donors and taxpayers dimes, all the time howling about Mother Earth and the damage us peons are doing to it. When I see them paddling a canoe to get to the next conference in January at Churchill Manitoba, celebrating the lack of ice in Hudson's Bay, I might listen to them. Until then, shove your elitist eco-terrorism where the sun don't shine. Speaking of the sun, how can it be 20 below and the sun is still causing ice to melt? Maybe one of you eco-nuts, basking in the Mexican sun watching your ice melt in your drink, can get some taxpayer funding to study the problem.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Prepare For Liberal Heads To Explode

If Fantino wins on Monday. Travers is already pretty much conceding the race to the Conservatives.  Where he goes wrong is talking about a winter election. First he says that the Liberals are going to defeat the government:

Despite recent and controversial bipartisan cooperation in extending the Afghanistan mission, the Prime Minister can tell the Governor General, more or less straight-faced, that the minority Conservative agenda doesn’t have enough opposition support.
It’s a sturdy point. To position themselves as the alternative, Liberals are promising to spend on home-care and education, not new prisons and fighter planes. Those differences start the countdown towards a Liberal attempt to defeat the government when Conservatives bring down a late winter budget.
 Then he thinks PM Harper will force an election:

What’s more certain is that a Monday victory in Vaughan would give Conservatives the added and appealing option of tipping the country into a winter election while Liberals are slipping and sliding.
What I get from the article is that Liberals are scared and don't know what to do about getting their support back, even with the MSM shrilling for them. The Conservatives won't rush into an election, why should they? The opposition is abysmal, Iggy is unelectable, and the Senate is ours. Besides that, people are not engaged with politics right now, they are more concerned about their jobs than any election. The good news is that, if there is a winter election, we can watch Sun TV! We won't have to wade through the lefty slop anymore to get to the real truth. How refreshing is that going to be?

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Friday Night Funnies:

THE  SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the  senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good  fortune to run into the ones I do, and the  eyesight to tell the difference.
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Two women were having lunch together, and discussing
the merits of cosmetic surgery.

The first woman said, “I need to be honest with you, I'm getting a boob job.”
The second woman responded, “Oh, that’s nothing.
I'm thinking of having my a$$ hole bleached!”

“Whoa,” replied the first woman.
“I just can't picture your husband as a blonde!”
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The  Irish Millionaire

Mick, from Dublin , appeared on 'Who Wants To Be a Millionaire' and toward the end of the program had already won 500,000 pounds. "You've done very well so far," said Chris Tarrant, the show's presenter,"but for a million pounds, you've only got one life-line left, phone a friend.  Everything is riding on this question. Will you go for it?" 
 
"Sure," said Mick. "I'll have a go!"

"Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest?

a)  Sparrow 
b)  Thrush, 
c)  Magpie, 
d)  Cuckoo?"
   
"I haven't got a clue." said Mick, ''So I'll use me last lifeline and phone me friend Paddy back home in Dublin ." 
   
  Mick called up his mate Paddy, and told him the circumstances and  repeated the question to him.
"Oh hell, Mick!" cried Paddy. "Dat's simple -  it's a cuckoo." 
"Are you sure?"
"I’m sure."
Mick hung up the phone and told Chris, "I'll go with cuckoo as me answer."
"Is that your final answer?" asked Chris.
"Dat it is."

There was a long, long pause and then the presenter screamed, "Cuckoo is the correct answer! Mick, you've won 1 million pounds!" 
The  next night, Mick invited Paddy to their local pub to buy him a  drink.
"Tell me, Paddy?  How in Heaven's name did you know it was da Cuckoo that doesn't build its own nest?" 

"You know why Mick! Because he lives in a clock!"
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Let's face it


After Monday and Tuesday...
even the calendar says -   W T F
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A Nativity Scene was erected in a church yard.

        During the night the folks came across this scene.

        An abandoned dog was looking for a comfortable, protected place to
sleep. He chose baby Jesus as his comfort. No one had the heart to send him
away so he was there all night.

No one mentioned that the dog breed is a "shepherd!"
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man in Calgary calls his son in Regina the day before Christmas Eve and
says,  

"I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are
divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough".

"Dad, what are you talking about?'" the son screams.  

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer", the father says.
"We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call
your sister in Stoughton and tell her".  

Frantically, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, "Like hell
they're getting divorced", she shouts, "I'll take care of this".  

She calls Calgary immediately and screams at her father, "You are NOT
getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my
brother back and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing,
DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.  
"Done! They're coming for Christmas - and they're paying their own way."  
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For hours of mindless fun and prizes, go here! Have a great weekend, we are finally out of the deep freeze and my kitchen counters have been installed, next is the backsplash!

Friday, November 26, 2010

Dangerous People!

The PIGS are sinking, the EU is a bad idea, and the UN has become a dictators haven, other than that, everything is just fine. Or not.

First you need to listen to Nigel Farage:



Dangerous people! Dangerous mindsets!

Notice how big the socialist group is, and we think we have problems with the NDP?

The EU has propped up Greece, now Ireland is asking for help, next comes Portugal, and then Spain...better known as the PIGS. The EU is running out of money, what happens then? I hope it dissolves. 

The realisation that markets may not allow the euro zone to muddle along making only minor tweaks to its fiscal rules, as it did in its first decade, appears to be sinking in among European policymakers.
On Wednesday, the finance minister of euro newcomer Slovakia described the risk of a euro zone breakup as “very real,” a day after German Chancellor Angela Merkel told parliament the euro was in an “exceptionally serious” situation.
“This is a systemic crisis which requires a systemic response but we haven’t seen that so far,” said Mr. Lombardi. “This is being dealt with on a country by country basis, first Greece, now Ireland, and you can be sure they won’t be the last country.”
Let's see if I have this straight. Each country has municipal, provincial/state, and federal governments, then you add the EU, and don't forget the UN. Sovereign nations in the EU appear to be at risk. If  federal governments can dictate on immigration and foreign policy, does the EU policy supersede a nations government? If Ireland takes the EU bailout, they will be answerable to the EU, therefore they lose some of their sovereignty. What happens if your nation disagrees with a EU policy? 

A very smart politician warns the EU, but members walk out instead of listening to him:


Will the EU survive? I hope not, it is a first step towards a one world government. It started as a way to form a trading block and has become a way for some countries to overpower others. It needs to go the way of the climate change dictators. It is based on the wrongheaded "multicultural" concept, that even Germany's Merkel has denounced. Each EU member of parliament costs over 2 million dollars a year, and that doesn't account for all their other projects. 

Dangerous people is right!

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Touch My Junk.....Seriously Iggy???

Yuck, old junk touching is just creepy! I know it was a joke, but he just didn't.... pull it off! HA!


Ignatieff doesn’t mind his junk touched

The Liberal Leader doesn’t mind airport officials patting him down.
“I have people touching my private parts all day long,” Michael Ignatieff said Wednesday in the foyer of the House of Commons.
This is going to show up in Conservative ads, I can guarantee it! Can you imagine what the MSM would have done if PM Harper had said that???

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Fix Bayonets and Nice Boots!

I didn't want to post anymore about Galloway, it just makes me feel slimy, but I could not resist posting this excellent article, that brims with facts, something Liberals don't understand.


It would probably come as a surprise to most people to learn that Canada deserves credit for being one of the world’s leading financial contributors to the cause of Palestinian freedom and a functioning Palestinian state. You’d never know it from reading the newspapers or all the posters on campus, but the sinister Zionist bogeyman otherwise known as Prime Minister Stephen Harper appears to have arranged for more money and aid to find its way to the oppressed and downtrodden people of Gaza than all the George Galloway fundraisers, “Viva Palestina” crusades and Gaza Flotilla spectacles combined, by several orders of magnitude.
Read the whole article, it is spot on. Funny how the lefties cry big crocodile tears for Palestine and blame Israel, forgetting what others are doing to Palestine's people. 
 
 
The thing is that lefties know how to protest, game the system by getting funding and siphon taxpayers money to their special interest groups, and that ticks me off, but I don't have the time to do what they do, live off of taxpayers. I watch them protest against anything and everything, and it makes me mad. Yet I do nothing. Here is a must read from Celestial Junk. 
 
I am tired of being told to sit down and shut up.

I am tired of being told what I can and can not say.

What is “acceptable”, while my ideas and values are mocked and trampled.

Enough. I have had enough.

I remained stoic when your acolytes spit on my car and called my husband a “baby killer” when I crossed through your phalanx at Walter Reed to take my children for medical care. I refused to respond as you smashed your fists into the hood of my car, destroyed my mirrors with bottles and keyed my doors in California, my children mute and terrified as you screamed your hate and bile.
It is an awesome rant against lefties and their lack of support of the troops. It hits a bulls-eye, right in the guts of the lefties.
 
 If you don’t get it by now and you still fancy yourself to be all progressive and leftish when you go and give Galloway the standing ovations he craves, there’s no hope for you. If you read this and get it and continue to have truck or trade with Galloway and the cult he’s built around himself in this country, then you are my enemy, and all I will say to you for now is: Hey, nice boots.
Two rallying cries hit the mark. Fix bayonets and nice boots. Use those terms often, I don't think the HRC's can come after you for those terms, but I don't guarantee anything to do with any HRC.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Payback For Mandel and His Merry Band of Followers

Payback Mandel, you and you merry band of councilors, rubbed our noses in the closing of the city airport without a vote, then you messed up our chances of keeping the Indy, and now YOU are upset that you can't have your Expo 2017? How does it feel Mandel? You are mad? Well guess what, now you know how some of us Edmontonians feel about getting our faces shoved into the mud!

What is most upsetting is that you would, in typical lefty fashion, blame Rona Ambrose for your failure to sell even Edmontonians on your plan. You never asked us if we wanted this Expo, we didn't. Alberta didn't and now it appears that Canada didn't either. Now can you go back to work and get our streets cleaned and stop supporting far left groups who think it's all about "white privilege". Dang, politicians bug me. Apparently I'm not the only one who feels that way. Check out the comments and video:

Feds reject funding of Edmonton Expo 2017.

Mayor Stephen Mandel is lashing out at the federal government for turning down the city’s Expo 2017 bid funding, prompting the province to declare the effort dead.
“I have never been as mad at anything,” a red-faced Mandel said late Monday.
“(I am) just so disappointed at the lack of vision of the government.”
Of the $2.27 billion the event was expected to cost, the province was to pay around 65% and the federal government would throw in about 25%. The city would cover the remaining 10%.
The bidding process alone was expected to carry a price tag of around $22 million.
 Lack of vision? Look in the mirror Mandel, you and your puppets have no vision, you showed this by closing the city airport. Every major city has more than one airport, but not Edmonton anymore. In 10 years we will be crying about what we used to have, an airport close to downtown. How about we talk about the 34 Ave interchange that is now 500 Million over budget. Get to work for Edmontonians, not your elitist Liberal friends, didn't you already give them an $88 Million art gallery? Isn't that enough slop for the entitled?

Congrats to the feds for realizing that Expo 2017 was going to be a huge money pit for not only Alberta's taxpayer's but also all Canadians would have had to share the pain. I am 100% sure that Alberta MP's (except for ecoNDP-Duncan) listened to us Albertans, and I stand behind their decision to axe the Expo.  I notice Stelmach was quick to jump on the anti-Expo bandwagon when only yesterday he was wailing about no support from the feds. Too bad he didn't have the backbone to tell Mandel NO in the first place. He left it to the feds to shut the money pit down.  Maybe Mandel should stop attacking females.....oh I forgot, that's what lefties do, and they see nothing wrong with it. Mandel should apologize to Rona, but I'm sure she's tough enough to take the criticism, wrong headed as it was. It just made Mandel look like the heartless, intolerant lefty that he is. Lefties and intolerance, a match made in "progressive" heaven.

Photo is of my garage window, it is bone chillingly cold out there.

Given that it is going to be 30 below tonight, I suggest that Mandel go out and find some of those homeless people who need help instead of bleating about an elitist Expo that no one in Alberta or Canada wanted. Blame it on the lefties for yelping too loudly about the cost of the G8/G20. How can they justify the cost of the Expo, given their opposition to the cost of the G8/G20? Anyone? Thought not!

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Elisabeth Another Victim Of Free Speech!

 Gates of Vienna reported on October 20th that our Austrian correspondent Elisabeth Sabaditsch-Wolff has been given a court date (November 23) for her trial on "hate speech" charges. She has been charged for speaking the simple truth about Islam.

Elisabeth Sabaditsch-Wolff learned through the media that she — like Netherlander Geert Wilders and Canadian Ezra Levant — had been charged with "hate speech" and "denigration of religious teachings". Elisabeth Sabaditsch-Wolff's "offense" is to defend freedom of speech and much more against a tsunami of barbarism and against the politically correct silence and hushing-up. The subject of the complaint is the mere fact that she even gives Islam-critical seminars. For example, the indictment charges her with "hate speech" for the following statement: "Sharia is a definite no-no. We want no gender apartheid, no ghetto's, no social and cultural discrimination, no polygamy, no theocracy, no hate..."


Also watch Mark Steyn's response to her coming up trial:




For more details just type "Elisabeth Sabaditsch-Wolff trial in Austria" into google.

Fake trials by fake prosecutors to calm politicians and lefties own fears of offending immigrants who refuse to adjust to their new countries. Multiculturalism gone horribly wrong. Lawfare in the extreme.

Sick Of Lefty Universities?

Send your kids to college. Most colleges now offer degrees, so your kids will pay less in tuition fees, and get a better education.

A typical university economics course means your kid will be one of 300 stuck in a huge auditorium. A typical college economics course means your kid will be one of 30 in a classroom. A university business grad takes two years of arts courses and then takes two of business. A college grad takes two years of business courses and then takes two more of business related courses. A university grad takes sociology, modern dance, field hockey, and other social science courses to get their degree. A college grad takes courses that are directly related to the degree, no "fluff" courses are necessary.

Most importantly, colleges are not infested with leftist professors (yet) who dictate to their students how they should think, or student government that only supports those groups they agree with, and censor those they don't.


Carleton anti-abortion club wants court to review ban
The lawyer for an anti-abortion group just decertified at Carleton University said Friday he will take the school’s student association to court unless the ban is reversed. Albertos Polizogopoulos called the decision to decertify Carleton Lifeline by the Carleton University Student Association (CUSA) “totalitarian”  and “ludicrous.”
The Canadian Civil Liberties Association, meanwhile, has sent a letter to CUSA asking it to behave more responsibly and protect minority opinion.
“You can be pro-choice and for free speech,’’ said Nathalie DesRosiers, general counsel of the civil liberties group. ‘‘Student governments must act like a government and represent all students, not just the ones who think like them. They have a duty to protect minority views. We have told them that what they are doing is not proper and they should respect the right of dissent.”
Lefty universities are not teaching your kids anything worthwhile. What does your kid do with an English degree, or a sociology degree, or a degree in history? Where are the jobs for those kids? If your kid goes to a college, they can become a paramedic, a plumber, a welder, an accountant, all highly employable careers. 

My oldest boy has gone to the open houses for the U of A and NAIT, he has decided to apply to NAIT because he can get a two year diploma and go out and work, or he can get his degree, all for a lot cheaper than if he went to the U of A. If you do not want your kid indoctrinated by lefty professors, send them to a college, they get a better education without the politics.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Friday Night Funnies:

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NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN    

DAMNITOL
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.       

EMPTYNESTROGEN
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and  loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

ST. MOMMA'S WORT       
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to tw o days.

PEPTOBIMBO
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

DUMBEROL
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

MENICILLIN
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person. "

FLIPITOR

Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.       

JACKASSPIRIN
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.

ANTI-TALKSIDENT
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

NAGAMENT
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him.
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What is a calorie?

Calories are the little bastards that get into your wardrobe at

night and sew your clothes tighter.

MY CLOSET IS INFESTED WITH THEM!
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I'm a man, I can fix that...

Don't have a spoon?
I can fix that!
Electrical problem?
I can fix that!
 No ice chest?
I can fix that!

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 The teacher graded it and the child brought it home.

She returned to school the next day with the following note:

Dear Ms. Davis,

I want to be perfectly clear on my child's homework illustration.
It is NOT of me on a dance pole on a stage in a strip joint surrounded by male customers with money.
I work at Home Depot and had commented to my daughter how much money we made in the recent snowstorm.
This drawing is of me selling a shovel.


Sincerely,
Mrs. Harrington
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Garfield on the oil crisis


 A lot of folks can't understand how we came
 to have an oil shortage here in  Canada . 

 Well, there's a very simple answer,
Nobody bothered to check the oil.

We just didn't know we were getting low. 

 The reason for this is purely geographical. 

 Our Oil is located in:

ALBERTA
SASKATCHEWAN
BRITISH COLUMBIA
MANITOBA
COASTAL NEW BRUNSWICK
COASTAL  NEWFOUNDLAND

 Our DIPSTICKS are  located  in OTTAWA

Any Questions ??? 
 NO ?...  Didn't think so.
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The Haircut

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank   you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you , I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I can not accept money from you. I'm  doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen other Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

BOTH  POLITICIANS  AND  DIAPERS
    NEED TO BE CHANGED OFTEN
                         AND
        FOR THE SAME REASON!
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ISN'T HE THE CUTEST THING

A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road.

He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.

The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit.

Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead.

The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.

A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over.

She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong.

"I feel terrible," he explains, "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it."

The blonde says, "Don't worry."

She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can.

She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down, and sprays the contents onto the rabbit.

The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road.

Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.

The man is astonished!

He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?"

The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label.

It says...

(Are you ready for this?)




(Are you sure?)



(This is bad!)




(It's definitely a Blonde Joke!)






(You know, you could, just click off now and never read the punch line....)





(You can still delete it)






(You're gonna be sorry)






(Last chance)






(OK, here it is)




It says;


" Hair Spray Restores life to dead hair; adds permanent wave. "
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Paddy was in  New York .

He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing.   The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, 'Okay, pedestrians.'   Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.

He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.

After the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, 'Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?'
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An Irish priest is driving down to  New York  and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut .   The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, 'Sir, have you been drinking?'

'Just water,' says the priest.

The trooper says, 'Then why do I smell wine?'

The priest looks at the bottle and says, 'Good Lord! He's done it again!'
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We are freezing here, hope you are all warmer! Kitchen renos hit a bump today, we were expecting 4 new appliances, we only got the fridge, the others were on a truck stuck in Calgary, that couldn't make it through the winter storm, hopefully we get the rest tomorrow. Have a great weekend everyone!

Friday, November 19, 2010

They Support Our Troops....BUT!

Why would Canada not stand up in defense of Afghans, especially the women and young girls? Why would the opposition think it was acceptable to abandon those who need our help? The NDP, supposedly the party of the people, are the biggest hypocrites. Make love not war is still their motto. Unfortunately for the NDP, we have moved on from the sixties.  We understand that our troops can help oppressed people better than some lefties shouting give peace a chance.  Thank goodness the Liberals opened up the door for our troops to stay in a non-combat roll. They actually took a principled stand for what was best for Canada and Afghanistan. Clap, clap, I seriously applaud you! (No I am not being sarcastic!)

Canada can now hold it's head up at the NATO meeting. I will always support our troops without any "buts". They are sent into missions by our government, and they do a superior job, always. It's time for the lefty opposition to grow some balls and stop being fake pacifists. If Quebec doesn't want to support our troops, Alberta would be honoured to become the new home for the Van Doos! I suspect the Van Doos would have something to say about that, as they are proud Quebec Canadians, too bad their own province does not recognize their worth.

It is easy to sit at home in our peaceful Canada, and be passive, it is much harder to put your life on the line for your country. The Conservatives and the Liberals should call the NDP and the BLOC on their lack of support for our troops. They always say they support our troops, ...........BUT!



There should NEVER be any BUT's in our support.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Women Against Islam! Or Not!

I can say women, because Brigitte and I are both against this barbaric "religion", so two is then women, not woman. I don't think males can understand the sheer horror that women feel about this repressive "religion".  Here is only one example:



I found this thanks to Dodo Can Spell, MariaS has some great videos that you should watch.

What is allowing Islam to gain footholds in the west, is the fact that feminists are not willing to support women who are being murdered or disfigured by their Muslim husbands, combined with western males who don't want to "offend" us females. It is political correctness gone very wrong.

I am sickened when I hear about women and gays being stoned and hung in Islamic countries. I am offended by the imams spouting hate towards western culture. Funny how the western "progressives" are silent, like the moderate Muslims, unless it refers to Israel, then they are out in force.

If Islam is truly a religion of peace, then why are their supporters so silent about Muslim terrorists? I would love to see Steyn and Brigitte debate any imam/Muslim/"progressive" combo, but NOT in Canada, they would be hauled in front of the HRC's (human rights commissions) so fast, butter in 30C wouldn't have a chance to melt! 

As an aside, do CBC moderators vote for you? Check this out:

I never voted on those two comments, someone else voted FOR me, who could that be? Anyone who knows me, knows I would have agreed with both of those statements, but CBC has me disagreeing. What are those moderators up to?

Here is another like minded person. What exactly is the CBC doing? What are they up to? They couldn't be changing the news to support their outlook could they? They couldn't be hiring moderators who have access to your account information, who accidentally vote for you, could they?  Yikes that's scary if true! Oh, banish the thought!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Universities Against Free Speech!

What is going on with our universities, they are more like elitist establishments than enlightened places of learning these days. Here are a few recent examples:


Latest tool in war on free speech: bike locks

Carleton student association bans anti-abortion club


Controversial conservative Winnipeg radio host silenced

And that is just this week!!! Lefties are out of control because the universities are not making them pay for their bad behaviour. They suffer no consequences. They now feel they are above the law. These kids need some adults to tell them some simple truths. 

Free speech means free speech for everyone, NOT just those you happen to agree with today. If you are so sure of your position, you must now protest Galloway, because he admits that he supports terrorists. They won't do it, and I am willing to bet that they are out there supporting Galloway. 

Fortunately there are some people who have learned from the lefties, and they were out in force to protest Galloway's speech. They did not try to get it shut down, and they were peaceful, not like those lefties protesting at the G20, Coulter, Ezra, and any other person they do not agree with. 

H/T Gay and Right.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Blind Muslim Woman Finally Gets Help!

As you all know, I foster seeing eye dogs (see dogs at right side), so this story is important to me.

I feel for this young woman, not being able to have a seeing eye dog to help make her life easier.
As a blind Muslim woman, Mona Ramouni has had to make do without a guide dog her whole life.
The 28-year-old's strictly religious parents would not allow a dog in the house, considering the animal unclean.
But then Miss Ramouni stumbled across a website article about miniature guide horses in April 2008.
I am glad that she got a seeing eye mini-horse.

I am disappointed that her parents are so ignorant that they actually consider dogs "dirty". I am glad that she now has eyes. One positive about seeing eye horses is that they live longer, so they can serve longer as well.

Seeing eye horses are rare, but they serve an important role in helping the blind. I'm not sure that they are any good for autistic children or the handicapped.

Dogs are better, but that might only be my bias.

H/T MaryT and Blazingcatfur

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Pistol Packing Momma!

Halloween is done, and it's too early to decorate for Christmas, so I had time to go to the West Edmonton Mall shooting gallery today. Yes, we really have a target range, with REAL guns that you can shoot! Dang Alberta ROCKS! I had never shot a pistol before so I had a lot of fun with the 38.  I am pretty proud of my results, as seen here:


Don't mess with us Conservative women, we aren't just good looking, we are smart, and can shoot the nuts off...oh, guess I shouldn't go there ..... HA!

I know some of you are waiting with baited breath to know how my kitchen renovations are going. Five new appliances will arrive this Friday, I can't wait. Our old dishwasher, is from the 60's, that just shows you how good Maytags really are, but it is so loud it shakes the whole house. My current microwave is from the 70's, I bought it with my first, and close to last income tax rebate. I worry about my kids being turned into aliens from all the bad rays coming from it. Finally, my new stove is a gas/convection, expensive but worth it, I hope! We stuck with warm "white" instead of the cold easily smudged stainless steel models. Why pay $500 more for stainless?

Once the dishwasher is installed, we get our new counter, I went with laminate because I can't stand granite.

Here is the before, a factory produced product (from Quebec) that is really dated, but it is real oak:

After much stripping, sanding, and staining, we have the same cupboards, with a new fresh look!

I love the results! The wood is so natural now, not masked like before to make all the cabinets look the same.... boring.

My "Dogs With Wings", you ask? Here they are, on the couch, which is a big no-no, but they are so cute who can say no!

Yes, there are three dogs, one is just visiting, but they are all "Dogs With Wings". Soon they will be helping autistic children, blind people or handicapped people, hard to believe when you see them like that.

 Or like this, raiding the garden to get to the carrots! Another big no-no, so don't tell the Dogs With Wings people....quiet.

I loved shooting a real gun, my kitchen should be finished before Christmas, and the dogs are doing great. Life is good.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Friday Night Funnies: The Shredder

My five-year-old nephew wanted to caddy for my brother's golf game.

"You have to count my strokes," my brother told him.

"How much is six plus nine plus eight?"

"Five," answered the nephew.

"Okay," my brother said, "let's go."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 Remember that couple who snuck into the
White House with
No credentials?
(answer after this joke.....)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Shredder

A young engineer who graduated with distinction, was leaving the office at 3.45 p.m. when he found the Acting CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
"Listen," said the Acting CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary is not here. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly," said the young engineer. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. "Excellent, excellent!" said the Acting CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine, "I just need one copy."

Lesson: Never, ever assume that your boss knows what he's doing.
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 They are still there!
 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
LOT 'S WIFE

The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted,
'My Mommy looked back once while she was driving,' he announced
triumphantly, 'and she turned into a telephone pole!'
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Some dogs need lots of work, this is one:

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 If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.  (Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its  head  before it starves to death.    (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Don't try this at home ;maybe at work.)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. (Honey, I'm home . What the...?)

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
 (30 minutes. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity.)

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm.......)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing.)

A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder how much the government paid to figure that out.)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that, too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig? Do the dolphins know about the pig?)
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Lutheran Airlines.....No images, just a really funny commentary! 

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 (Lefties......this is a JOKE! Oh, why do I bother?)
Government big enough to supply everything you need is big enough to take everything you have ... The course of history shows that as a government grows, liberty decreases.-- Thomas Jefferson
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For your stupid time wasting game of the week, we have, make deer jerky! Keep your thumb on the space bar to reload.

Jokes brought to you by two very special people, you know who you are, thank you! I am busy getting our parkas out of storage this weekend.....a cold front is coming! As if we Canadians didn't expect snow sometimes soon!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Bush, Obama, And Disgusting Remembrance Day Antics!

Here is a one on one interview with President Bush and Bill O'Reilly. Fox embedding doesn't always work, so here is the link:

President Bush Is A Class Act.

It's worth watching. No matter how hard O'Reilly tried to get Bush to comment on the current President, he wouldn't do it.

Speaking of Obama...It looks like the shine is off of Obama internationally as well as at home.

Obama given chilly reception at G20 summit

NEW YORK -- Barack Obama, heralded as a hero abroad when he was elected U.S. President, is getting none of that treatment at the G20 Summit in South Korea.
Mr. Obama headed to the summit with a plea for nations to work together to put the global economy on sounder footing and with hopes of signing a huge export-boosting trade agreement with South Korea.
Instead, he has gotten an earful from world leaders who have blasted the United States for monetary policies that are depressing the value of the U.S. dollar and threatening to create new bubbles.
And, in another major blow, he failed to seal a free trade deal with South Korea, a pact that would have marked the United States’ biggest trade pact since NAFTA was signed in 1994.
And finally, a match made in heaven:  


Veterans Day Outrage and The boy brimming with pride, the fanatics burning with hate...two faces of Armistice Day

Disgusting!  I expect imams from all over the world to condemn those fanatics, but I'm not holding my breath. Is this a turning point? Will the west wake up now? Will moderate Muslims? I guess we have to wait and see.

Proud To Be Canadian! Remember.

One thing that I love about Ontario, is their Highway of Heroes, and the support they show by filling 50 bridges every time a soldier comes home, no matter what the weather. I am sure you make the pain of loss just a little bit easier for the families who have lost love ones. Good on you Ontario, I hope you never have to come out onto the bridges again.



I particularly like this one because you get a real feel of what it must be like up on those bridges. I also love it because as the cars go by, you see the family waving back to the people on the bridges. Canadians helping fellow Canadians through tough times. We cry for the loss, but somehow those people on the bridges, lift our spirits as well.



On the 11th month of the 11th day.....remember! I always do because I was in labour with my youngest son who was born on the 12th. The pain I was feeling, doesn't even come close to the pain of the families who have lost a son, daughter, mother or father because of their willingness to give all for their country. My heartfelt thanks to all our troops and their families. You make me proud to be Canadian!

I wonder where the fire in PM Harper's gut in support of our troops has gone. Have the opposition worn him down? Remember Red Fridays? Here is PM Harper giving an unscripted speech right from the heart. I want this PM back!



Honour a veteran, wear a RED poppy.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

"White" Privilege Wins Or Not...

So they have taken the offensive page down and apologized....or not!


Following a maelstrom of complaints, the contentious material contained in a city-sponsored anti-racism campaign has been pulled. "It just sent the wrong message," said John Reilly, a diversity and inclusion consultant with the city.
Wow, sounds good, we complained, and we won! Or did we?

"We certainly did not mean to offend people with this. We would apologize to anybody who felt offended by that."
 They WOULD apologize, not "we apologize". They are going to reword it, but they don't think they were wrong.


That material has been removed and the 13 organizations behind the campaign are now working to rephrase it.
Charlene Hay, executive director of the Centre for Race and Culture, said there was some truth behind the controversial content.
"I think we do need to acknowledge it," said Hay, who is white.
"It's important. It's the kind of issue that is complex and requires dialogue."
She added the site's comments should have been phrased more effectively.
"It needed some pre-explanation," she said, adding now is the time to address the issue.
"We can have a rational dialogue."
So, they aren't apologizing, and they still think that they are right, they just worded it wrong! You know us "white" privileged peoples don't understand so good. Pre-explanation this: We understood you the first time, the damage is done, stop calling "whites" racist. No amount of re-wording is going to work now. This reminds me of those environmental idiots who released the 1010 video of kids blowing up. When lefties only listen to lefties they have no clue how people will actually react to their ideas. Common sense is not something you can accuse lefties of having or using.

I want to thank all those people who emailed "racism free Edmonton" to tell them how racist they were actually being. Conservatives are starting to get the hang of this protesting stuff! You stand up to a lefty, and they have to back down because they are wrong. Maybe the Tea Party in the States has started something worldwide. People taking back the power from governments and bureaucrats. People shining the light on the elitists who think they are always right and we are wrong. People standing up proudly and supporting our country, our troops and our Prime Minister, are making inroads into the Liberal mess that we have to deal with and fix.

Good job everyone! Let's continue to win the small battles, because they add up and become big wins for our side. Next, the AHRC!!! My vote counts on them being dismantled. Can I take a complaint about the Alberta Human Rights Commission support of the "racism free Edmonton" campaign to the commission? What if we all emailed them about being offended, would they investigate themselves? It wouldn't cost us anything and it would twist them into pretzels trying to explain why they gave taxpayer money to that group. Could be fun!

Tuesday, November 09, 2010

What Has America Become?...........Crappy Times!

 And to go with it, we have a very funny/depressing video.


Enjoy! America has some huge problems, and Obama was the wrong pick at the wrong time. Monetizing the US currency....printing money, in other words, is going to fail.

Monday, November 08, 2010

What India REALLY Thinks About Obama!

We seldom get other views of what is going on in the world today. So, here is the Indian view of Obama.

A Diwali weekend should be a perfect, if a bit noisy, break for a president in distress. President Barack Obama, battered at home, badly needs a break. The festive lights, however, might only expose a dubious policy as he winks at his wartime ally, Pakistan, with one face and smiles at his peacetime friend, India, with another.
They are not fooled by Obama. They actually feel like Canada, ignored and treated as suckers. Hey Obama, you are not GOD, you just think you are. Renting out a whole hotel, bringing over 40 cars, including the Beast, and building special overground tunnels is just a little over the top!

ARMS TO INDIA -- Since 2008, India has signed military deals worth $8.2 billion with the US
  • M-777 Ultralight Howitzers. Ten regiments of 145 guns worth $647 million
  • Ninety-nine F-414 engines worth $650 million for the Light Combat Aircraft
  • Twelve P-8I Poseidon long-range maritime patrol aircraft worth $3 billion
  • Six C-130J Hercules special forces transport aircraft worth $1 billion
  • Ten C-17 Globemaster-III heavylift aircraft for the IAFworth $3-billion
ARMS TO PAKISTAN -- In nine years,Pakistan received a discounted assistance of $3.2-billion
  • M-109 self-propelled howitzers. It has bought 115 guns worth $87 million
  • Eighteen new F-16s worth $ 1.4 billion and 14 old F-16s. Upgrade kits for 45 old PAF F-16s for $891 million.
  • Eight P3-C Orion maritime patrol aircraft for $474 million
  • Six C-130E transport aircraft and their refurbishment for $76 million
  • Missiles: 100 Harpoon anti-ship missiles worth $298 million and 5,250 TOW anti-tank missiles worth $186 million
What is happening is that Pakistan is getting free arms which they can then use against India, and as usual the Americans do not see the danger of their policies. 

Read the whole article, it is worth getting a different prospective. Obama, bowing to all enemies, crapping on friends.

Sunday, November 07, 2010

You Are White, Therefore You Are Racist!

Or so the City of Edmonton says. Alberta Ardvark posted a blog alerting us to this webpage and it has been bugging me all day. This is a vile and disturbing webpage because they are actually accusing "whites" of being racist just because they are "white"!

Here is the lead sentence:


There is more:
Racial "whiteness" is many things, but one of its consistent qualities is power. As people granted unearned privileges by our own whiteness, and as people who have likely harmed non-white people with our own whiteness, it's our moral and ethical duty to find ways to combat racism.
This is what my tax dollar is paying for in Edmonton? Racial "whiteness"??? WTF is that? I am white therefore I am a racist, and I have been "granted unearned privileges"? This is racist and they don't even realize it. Watch this video, that Alberta Ardvark provided, the "white" female reporter is all about victim hood. 
http://www.albertaprimetime.com/ThisWeek.aspx?pd=1661&FlashVars=Video/VP_110510.flv

I have earned everything I have right now. I started working at 15 to save up for university, I worked two sometimes three jobs in the summer to pay for my next year of university. I only got one loan from the government in my 4th year of university for $2000, I was turned down every other year. I earned my place in the workforce, not because I was "white" or because I was "female", but because I was qualified for the job. 
This Halloween my youngest had 5 friends over, 4 of them were "non-white".  This "racism free Edmonton" program is telling my two "white" kids that they are second class citizens because they are "white", when they have never seen that their friends are a different colour before now, colour has never mattered to them. "Racism free Edmonton" is promoting "white" reverse racism. They are doing more harm than good with their campaign. 
I know Conservatives are not big protesters, we prefer to just mind our own business. I ask all of you who read this, whether you are from Alberta or not, to email the City of Edmonton and tell them your thoughts on their new "racism free Edmonton" campaign. Here is the contact info:

Contact us at:

I know it appears to be just an Edmonton issue, but it's not. A special interest group is taking our tax dollars, and calling "whites" racists. We need to be concerned about that.  True racism is bad. Unfortunately "racism free Edmonton", has promoted it against "whites" instead of eradicating it.

Saturday, November 06, 2010

Friday Night Funnies: How Adam Got Eve.

How Adam Got Eve

Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely.

So, God asked him, 'What's wrong with you?'

Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.

God said that He was going to make Adam a companion

And that it would be a woman.

He said, 'This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you,

And when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you

She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you,

And will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement.

She will praise you!

She will bear your children.

And never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.

'She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and

Passion whenever you need it.'

Adam asked God, 'What will a woman like this cost?'

God replied, 'An arm and a leg.'

Then Adam asked, 'What can I get for a rib?'

Of course the rest is history............!!!!

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What to do with those leftover Halloween pumpkins:


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
GOD ENJOYS A GOOD LAUGH!

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:

1. He called everyone brother

2. He liked Gospel

3. He didn't get a fair trial

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:

1. He went into His Father's business

2. He lived at home until he was 33

3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:

1. He talked with His hands

2. He had wine with His meals

3. He used olive oil

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:

1. He never cut his hair

2. He walked around barefoot all the time

3. He started a new religion

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:

1. He was at peace with nature

2. He ate a lot of fish

3. He talked about the Great Spirit

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:

1. He never got married..

2. He was always telling stories.

3. He loved green pastures.

But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:

1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was virtually no food

2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it

3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was still work to do

Can I get an AMEN!!
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Gun Control

Barack Obama at a recent rural elementary school assembly in East Texas,
 asked the audience for total quiet.  Then, in the silence, he started to
  slowly clap his hands once every few seconds, holding the audience in total silence.

  Then he said into the microphone, 'Children, every time I clap my hands together,
 child in America dies from gun violence.'

Then, little Richard Earl, with a proud  East Texas drawl,
 pierced the quiet and said:  ''Well, dumbass, stop clapping!'
 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
4-Sale 2 FOOTBALL SEASON TICKETS
 
FOR SALE:  section 118, row 6 seat 4&5   
 
I have 2 season tickets for sale.  It seems that my wife does not want to attend any
more of the Steeler games as she doesn't like the person who sits in the seat next
to us.
I've attached a picture of the view from the seats to confirm location below. 
Tickets will be sold to the highest bidder.
 
Current Bid:  $4500 each




 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Speaking of football, 92 and 93 should not sit together....

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in   California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.
            
 The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?" 
                
Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"
        
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.         
        
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany ...         
        
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.       
        
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.."         
        
 "That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.       
        
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.           
        
Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"         
        
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"       
        
"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Bud.           
        
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"           
        
 "No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and
you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter.  This is a herd of sheep. ......         
        
Now give me back my dog.
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THE BUS AND THE ZIPPER

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was
waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt. As the bus
stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that
her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height
of the first step of the bus..
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver,
she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that
this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.

Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind
her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time
attempted the step, and, once again, much to her chagrin, she
could not raise her leg. With little smile to the driver, she
again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to
make the step.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her
picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the
step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and
screeched, 'How dare you touch my body! I don't even know
who you are!'

The Texan smiled and drawled, 'Well, ma'am, normally I would
agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda
figured we were friends.'
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Perfect Diet:

 Breakfast
1 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast
1 cup skim milk
Lunch
1 small portion lean, steamed chicken
1 cup spinach
1 cup herbal tea
1 Hershey's kiss
Afternoon Tea
1 The rest of the Hershey Kisses in the bag
1 tub of Hagen-Daaz ice cream with chocolate chips
Dinner
4 glasses of wine (red or white)
2 loaves garlic bread
1 family size supreme pizza
3 Snickers Bars
Late Night Snack
1 whole Sarah Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer)
Remember: Stressed spelled backward is desserts.
If you delete this message, you will gain 10 pounds immediately.
That's why I had to pass this on; I didn't want to risk it.
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Finally, to show you what you are not doing with your phones.....Enjoy:


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 Enjoy your weekend! For once, I have nothing to get done, no Halloween, no wood working, just reading some mindless romance novels. Life is good!