To my friends who enjoy a
glass of wine...
And those who don't and are always seen
with a bottle of water in
their hand.
As Ben Franklinsaid:
In wine there is wisdom,
In beer there is freedom,
In water there is bacteria.
In a number of carefully
controlled
trials, Scientists have
demonstrated
that if we drink 1 litre of water each day,
At the end of the year we
would have
absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E.
Coli) - bacteria
Found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1
kilo of
poop..
However,
We do NOT run that risk when drinking wine
&
beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor)
Because alcohol has to go
through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting. Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health. Therefore, it's better to drink wine and
talk stupid, Than to drink water and be full of shit.
SOCIALISM You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM You have 2 cows The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.
BUREAUCRATISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other
and then throws the milk away.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
VENTURE CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed
company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank,
then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you
get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via
an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority
shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows,
with an option on one more.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the
milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow
has dropped dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the
roads, because you want three cows.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows, but you don’t know where they
are. You decide to have lunch.
A SWISS CORPORATION You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment and high
bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real
situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. Nobody believes you, so they bomb the crap out of
you and invade your country. You still have no cows but at least you are now a
Democracy.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to
celebrate.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.
A GREEK CORPORATION You have two cows borrowed from French and German
banks. You eat both of them. The banks call to collect their milk, but you
cannot deliver so you call the IMF. The IMF loans you two cows. You eat both of them. The banks and the IMF call to collect their
cows/milk. You are out getting a haircut.
A young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end
her life by throwing herself into the ocean, but just before she could throw
herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her.
"You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm
a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship.
I'll take care of you, bring you food every day and keep you happy."
With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always
wanted to go to Italy, the woman accepted. That night the sailor brought her
aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold.
From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a
bottle of red wine and then make love to her until dawn.
Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine
inspection. "What are you doing here?" asked the captain.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she
replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Italy."
"I see," the captain says.
Her conscience got the best of her and she added, "Plus, he's
screwing me."
"He certainly is," replied the
captain. "This is the Staten
Island Ferry." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Get those veggie gardens planted, summer is too short! Have a great long weekend!
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