Saturday, May 19, 2012

Friday Night Funnies: Economic Reality.


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To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine... 
And those who don't and are always seen
with a bottle of water in their hand.
As Ben Franklinsaid:  
In wine there is wisdom,
In beer there is freedom,
In water there is bacteria.
In a number of carefully controlled
trials, Scientists have demonstrated
that if we drink  1 litre of water each day,  
At the end of the year we would have
absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) - bacteria
 Found in feces.  In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of
poop..
However,  
We do NOT run that risk when drinking wine &
beer  (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor)
Because alcohol has to go through a purification
process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
     
  Remember:
Water = Poop,
Wine = Health.
Therefore,
it's better to drink wine and talk stupid,
Than to drink
water and be full of shit.

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Analysis of economic reality 2012 !!! 

SOCIALISM 
You have 2 cows. 
You give one to your neighbour. 

COMMUNISM 
You have 2 cows 
The State takes both and gives you some milk. 

FASCISM 
You have 2 cows. 
The State takes both and sells you some milk. 

BUREAUCRATISM 
You have 2 cows. 
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other and then throws the milk away. 

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM 
You have two cows. 
You sell one and buy a bull. 
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. 
You sell them and retire on the income. 

VENTURE CAPITALISM 
You have two cows. 
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. 
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. 
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. 

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION 
You have two cows. 
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. 
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead. 

A FRENCH CORPORATION 
You have two cows. 
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows. 

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION 
You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. 
You decide to have lunch. 

A SWISS CORPORATION 
You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you. 
You charge the owners for storing them. 

A CHINESE CORPORATION 
You have two cows. 
You have 300 people milking them. 
You claim that you have full employment and high bovine productivity. 
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation. 

AN INDIAN CORPORATION 
You have two cows. 
You worship them. 

A BRITISH CORPORATION 
You have two cows. 
Both are mad. 

AN IRAQI CORPORATION 
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. 
You tell them that you have none. 
Nobody believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country. 
You still have no cows but at least you are now a Democracy. 

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION 
You have two cows. 
Business seems pretty good. 
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate. 

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION 
You have two cows. 
The one on the left looks very attractive. 

A GREEK CORPORATION 
You have two cows borrowed from French and German banks. 
You eat both of them. 
The banks call to collect their milk, but you cannot deliver so you call the IMF. 
The IMF loans you two cows. 
You eat both of them. 
The banks and the IMF call to collect their cows/milk. 
You are out getting a haircut.
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Go to Youtube to see the semi-finals and finals to see if they win!

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A young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean, but just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her.

"You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day and keep you happy."

With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Italy, the woman accepted. That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold.

From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine and then make love to her until dawn.

Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection. "What are you doing here?" asked the captain.

"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Italy."

"I see," the captain says.

Her conscience got the best of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me."

"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Get those veggie gardens planted, summer is too short!  Have a great long weekend!
























































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