Friday Night Funnies: The Original Sin

LET'S SEE IF I'VE GOT THIS CORRECT - - -
regarding 3 American Hikers Now In The NEWS 
IF YOU CROSS THE NORTH KOREAN BORDER 
ILLEGALLY YOU GET 12 YEARS HARD LABOR.

IF YOU CROSS THE IRANIAN BORDER 
ILLEGALLY YOU ARE DETAINED INDEFINITELY. 

IF YOU CROSS THE AFGHAN BORDER 
ILLEGALLY, YOU GET SHOT. 

IF YOU CROSS THE SAUDI ARABIAN BORDER 
ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE JAILED. 

IF YOU CROSS THE CHINESE BORDER 
ILLEGALLY YOU MAY NEVER BE HEARD FROM AGAIN. 

IF YOU CROSS THE VENEZUELAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU 
WILL BE BRANDED A SPY AND YOUR FATE WILL BE SEALED.

IF YOU CROSS THE CUBAN BORDER ILLEGALLY 
YOU WILL BE THROWN INTO POLITICAL PRISON TO ROT. 

IF YOU CROSS THE U.S. BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET !
A JOB, A DRIVERS LICENSE, SOCIAL SECURITY CARD, WELFARE, 
FOOD STAMPS, CREDIT CARDS, SUBSIDIZED RENT OR A LOAN TO BUY A HOUSE,FREE EDUCATION, FREE HEALTH CARE, A LOBBYIST IN WASHINGTON BILLIONS OF DOLLARS WORTH OF PUBLIC DOCUMENTS PRINTED IN YOUR LANGUAGE
THE RIGHT TO CARRY YOUR COUNTRY'S FLAG WHILE YOU PROTEST THAT YOU DON'T GET ENOUGH RESPECT 

AND, IN MANY INSTANCES, YOU CAN VOTE.
I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE I HAD A FIRM GRASP ON THE "SITUATION"!

  IT'S TIME FOR ANOTHER CHANGE. JUST LIKE A KIDS DIAPER AND FOR THE SAME REASON.!     

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Circumcised

 A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.

The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did it and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out.

'I thought I told you to call your mom!' she said. 'I did,' he said, 'And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school.' 

KIDS ; DON'T YOU JUST LOVE 'EM!-------------------------------------------------
    

NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY, NO ONE CAN TOP THIS

THE ORIGINAL SIN

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 Two women friends had gone for a girls' night out.
Both were very faithful and loving wives, however
They had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.

Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to Pee, so they stopped
in the cemetery.

One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought She would take off
her panties and use them.

Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive Pair of panties and
did not want to ruin them.

She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave That had a wreath
with a ribbon on it, so she Proceeded to wipe with
that.

After the girls did their business, they proceeded to Go home.

The next day, the husband of one of the women was concerned
That his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over,
so he phoned the other husband and said:
"These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the
worst. My wife came home with no panties!!"

"That's nothing," said the other husband,
"Mine came back with a card stuck to her ass that said.....

'From all of us at the Fire Station.
We'll never forget you.' "
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Rearrange the following letters to spell out an important part of the human body which is even more useful when erect……

P N E S I   ………
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 


People who wrote SPINE became doctors... The rest are all my friends and relatives...
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What We Have Learned in 2,066 years?

"The budget should be balanced, the Treasury should be refilled, public debt should be reduced, the arrogance of officialdom should be tempered and controlled, and the assistance to foreign lands should be curtailed lest Rome become bankrupt. People must again learn to work, instead of living on public assistance." - Cicero - 55 BC

So, evidently nothing.

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 From watching the popular t.v. program I already knew I was dumber than the fifth graders...but now it's the preschoolers.

A PRE-SCHOOL TEST FOR YOU

Which way is the bus below traveling?
To the left or to the right?

Can't make up your mind?  Look carefully at the picture again.
Still don't know?

Pre-schoolers all over the United States
were shown this picture and asked the same question.
90% of the pre-schoolers gave this answer. 
"The bus is traveling to the left."

When asked, "Why do you think the bus is traveling to the left?"

They answered: 
"Because you can't see the door to get on the bus."

How do you feel now ???


I know, me too

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Parents of the year candidates:

 

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"Dogs Welcome"

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a
Midwest town he planned to visit on his
Vacation. He wrote: "I would very much like To bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed And very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room at night?"

An immediate reply came from the hotel
Owner, who wrote: SIR: "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never
had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your Dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."

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This is beautifully edited...Rita Hayworth Is Staying Alive...

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If that doesn't start your evening/morning off on a good note, I don't know what can!

Have a great weekend..if the rain keeps up in Alberta, we will be ocean front soon or building an ark.

 Happy Father's Day all you Dads!