Friday Night Funnies: Why We Are Going Back To The Polls

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ECHOHAWK
1:16 PM on April 1, 2011

Jack Layton (NDP) met with the Queen of England.

He asked her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government?
Are there any tips you can give to me in case I form the next government?"
"Well," said the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."
Layton frowned, and then asked, "But how do I know if the people around me are really intelligent?"
The Queen took a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy, you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle". The Queen pushed a button on her intercom.
"Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?"
Tony Blair walked into the room and said, "Yes, my Queen?"
The Queen smiled and said, "Answer me this please, Tony, your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?" Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answered, "That would be me."
"Yes! Very good," said the Queen.
Layton went back home to ask Mike Ignatief, his Liberal cohort. "Answer this for me Iggy; Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"
"I'm not sure," said Iggy. "Let me get back to you on that one.." He went to his advisors and asked every one, but none could give him an answer. Finally, he ended up in the men's room and recognized Steven Harper's
shoes in the next stall.
Iggy asked Harper, "Hey Steve, can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Harper answered back, "That's easy you dummy, it's me!"
Iggy smiled, and said, "Thanks!" Then, he went back to speak with Layton
. "Say Jack, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It is Steven Harper."
Layton got mad and yelled "No you bloody idiot it is not! It's Tony Blair"!

AND THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS WHY WE ARE GOING BACK TO THE POLLS.
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Yes, that is a power cord floating on flip flops.....has Iggy been there?
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The Root of ALL Evil!!!!!

Subject: CUSSING IN CHURCH

A crusty old man walks into the local Baptist Church and says to the secretary, 'I would like to join this damn church.'

The astonished woman replies, 'I beg your pardon, sir. I must have> misunderstood you. What did you say?'

'Listen up, damn it. I said I want to join this damn church!'

I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church.'
The secretary leaves her desk and goes into the pastor's study to inform him of her situation.
The pastor agrees that the secretary does not have to listen to that foul language.
They both return to her office and the
pastor asks the old geezer, 'Sir, what seems to be the problem here?'
'There is no damn problem,' the man says. 'I just won $200 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to join this damn church to get
rid of some of this damn money.'

'I see,' said the pastor. 'And is this bitch giving you a hard time?'
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When I saw this, I thought about Iggy. I'm not sure why, maybe it was his erotic novel.

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I bought a new Chevy Avalanche
And returned to the dealer yesterday
Because I couldn't get the radio to work.
The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated.

'Nelson,' the salesman said to the radio.

The radio replied, 'Ricky or Willie?'

'Willie!' he continued and 'On The Road Again'
Came from the speakers.

Then he said, ' Ray Charles!', and in an instant
' Georgia On My Mind' replaced Willie Nelson.
I drove away happy, and for the next few days,
Every time I'd say, 'Beethoven,'
I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said,
'Beatles,' I'd get one of their awesome songs.

Yesterday, some guy ran a red light
And nearly creamed my new truck,
But I swerved in time to avoid him.

I yelled, 'Ass Hole!'

Immediately the radio responded with,
"Ladies and gentlemen, Michael Ignatieff Leader of the Federal Liberal Party"

Damn, I love this truck...
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Why do women have two hands?
Why do men have two hands?

Any questions?
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Spring is finally here:

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NEVER CHEAT ON A COUNTRY WOMAN.

A Country wife came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman...With super-human strength, borne of fury, cutting firewood, lifting sacks of feed, and bales of hay, she dragged him down the stairs, out the back door, and into the barn...She put his manhood in a vise, secured it tightly, and removed the handle. Next, she picked up an old carpenter's saw.

The banged up cheater was terrified, and hollered, "Stop, Stop, You're not gonna cut it off with that rusty saw, are you?"

The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, put the saw in her husband's hand and said......

"Nope....You are...I'm gonna burn down the barn."
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Get out and volunteer for your Conservative candidate, let's get that majority!