A woman was enjoying a good game of golf with her girlfriends.
"Oh, no!"
She suddenly exclaimed.
"Look at the time!
I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husband! He'll be so pissed if
it's not ready on time."
When she got home, she discovered all she had in the fridge was a wilted
Lettuce leaf, an egg, and a can of cat food. With no time to go to the
Supermarket, she opened the can of cat food, stirred in the egg, and
Garnished it with the lettuce leaf.
She greeted her husband warmly when he came home, and then watched in horror
As he sat down to his dinner. To her surprise, he seemed to be enjoying it.
"Darling, this is the best dinner you've made me in 40 years of marriage!
You can make this for me any day!"
Needless to say, every golf day from then on, the woman made her husband the
Same dish. She told her golf partners about it, and they were all horrified.
"You're going to kill him!" they exclaimed!?
Two months later, her husband died. The women were sitting around the
Clubhouse, and one of them said,
"You killed him! We told you that feeding
Him that cat food every week would do him in! How can you just sit there so
Calmly knowing you murdered your husband?"
The wife stoically replied,
"I didn't kill him. He fell off the window sill
While he was licking his ass."
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Halloween is coming...........
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FINANCIAL Planning
If you had purchased $1,000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.
With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00.
With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.
If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock, you would have $49.00 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of wine one year ago, drunk all the wine, then turned in the bottles for the recycling REFUND, you would have had $214.00.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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Good example of a Brain Study: If you can read this you have a strong mind:
7H15 M3554G3 53RV35 7O PR0V3 H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5! 1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5! 1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG 17 WA5 H4RD BU7 N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3 Y0UR M1ND 1S R34D1NG 17 4U70M471C4LLY W17H 0U7 3V3N 7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17, B3 PROUD! 0NLY C3R741N P30PL3 C4N R3AD 7H15.
PL3453 F0RW4RD 1F U C4N R34D 7H15
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Kitty is all in!!
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5 NUNS IN A BAR
Sisters Mary Catherine, Maria Theresa, Katherine Marie, Rose Frances, & Mary Kathleen left the Convent on a trip to St. Patrick's Cathedral in New York City and were sight-seeing on a Tuesday in July. It was hot and humid in town and their traditional garb was making them so uncomfortable, they decided to stop in at Paddy McGuire's Pub for a cold soft drink.
Paddy had recently added special legs to his barstools, which were the talk of the fashionable eastside neighborhood. All 5 Nuns sat up at the bar and were enjoying their Cokes when Monsignor Riley and Father McGinty entered the bar through the front door.
They, too, came for a cold drink when they were shocked and almost fainted at what they saw
REPLACEMENT WINDOWS
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, double-pane, energy-efficient kind.Today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He complained that the work had been completed a year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.Hellloooo,............just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy told me last year... that these windows would pay for themselves in a year,,, Helllooooo? It's been a year, so they're paid for, I told him.. There was only silence at the other end of the line,so I finally hung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot.
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And finally, guaranteed to drive you crazy.....Find the cat.
BOOOOO!!! HA.
1 comment:
remember to post pictures of the haunted house - if you get one of those dirt devils you s/b able to clean up in a jiffy!!
thanks for FNF
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