Friday Night Funnies: Happy New Year!

Got back just in time for the Friday night funnies. Since New Year's is typically all about parties, beer, and sports, here are some favorites.

OH!  C-c-c-cold Wipes! Cold Wipes!
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On the last day of school before Christmas, the children brought gifts for their teacher. The supermarket manager's daughter brought the teacher a basket of assorted fruit. The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers . The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy . Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box. The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit. She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine ?" she guessed. "No," the boy replied. She tasted another drop and asked, " Champagne ? "No," said the little boy............." It's a puppy -----------------------------------------------------------------------

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 Census Trouble...Guess the dreaded long form is still around:
 

Can you believe it …. they sent my Census form back!

In response to the question: "Do you have any dependents?" I replied:

"2.1 million illegal immigrants; 1.1 million crack heads; 4.4 million unemployable people, 901 thousand people in over 85 prisons; and 565 idiots in Parliament."

Apparently, this was NOT an acceptable answer.

Who did I miss ?

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You have to pay attention here, it moves really quickly!
 

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New Year's can be a time for love too...

 Murphy's' old lady had been pregnant for some

time and now the time had come.

He brought her to the doctor and the doctor began

to deliver the baby .

She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over

at Murphy and said. 'Hey,  Murph! You just had you a son!

'Ain't dat grand!!' Murphy got excited by this,

but just then the doctor spoke up and said, 'Hold on! We ain't

finished yet!'

The doctor then delivered a little girl.

He said, 'Hey, Murph! You got you a daughter!!!!

She is a pretty lil ting, too....'

Murphy got kind of puzzled by this and then the

doctor said, 'Hold on, we ain  t got done yet!'

The doctor then delivered another boy and said,

Murph, you just had yourself another boy!'

Murphy said to the doctor, 'Doc, what caused all

of dem babies,?'

The doctor said, 'You never know Murph, it was

probably something that happened during conception..'

Murphy said, 'Ah yeah, during conception.'

When Murph and his wife went home with their

three children, he sat down with his wife and said,

'Mama, you remember dat night that we ran out of

Vaseline and we had to use dat dere 3-in-1 Oil.'

She said, 'Yeah, I remember dat night...'

Murph said, 'I'll tell you, ......it's a  good

ting we didn't use WD-40.

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I love the Budweiser Clydesdale ad's:

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Here is one you might not have seen, it's a statement for those who died on 9/11.

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For those of you who are going to party tomorrow, here is something to prevent that hangover:

Almonds

Prevent a hangover by eating 6 to 12 almonds before drinking. The North American Natives claim this will protect the body against intoxication.

Have a fun and safe New Year! 2011 has been an excellent adventure for Conservatives.