Friday Night Funnies: Icebreaker

I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots.
Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with
someone.

I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to
be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my
friends, family and work. I live close so it's a short drive.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not
too much on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to
visit there too often.

I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand
firm.

Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting
older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the
adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the
stimuli I can get!

And, sometimes I think I am in Vincible but life shows me I am not.

People keep telling me I'm in Denial but I'm positive I've never been
there before!

I have been in Deepshit many times; the older I get, the easier it is
to get there. I actually kind of enjoy it there.

So far, I haven't been in Continent; but my travel agent says I'll be going soon.

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 For some reason, I can't understand, some of you out there actually like cats. So this is for you cat lovers:

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Norwegian Icebreaker heads up the North Saskatchewan River

As you may have seen on the news it's been very cold in Alberta ...

So cold, in fact, that the Government of Alberta has borrowed a Norwegian Icebreaker to clear the North Saskatchewan River for freighter traffic.

The Icebreaker is starting near Devon and working its way northward.  Here is a picture as the hard work of ice breaking begins. Impressive!

 

Norwegian Icebreaker heads up the North Saskatchewan River


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'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you answer, 'Pick one; I can't do both!'

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

'OLD' IS WHEN....
You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
You are cautioned to slow down by thedoctor instead of by the police.

'OLD' IS WHEN..
'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take a laxative today.

'OLD' IS WHEN.....
'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot..

'OLD' IS WHEN...
An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.

'OLD' IS WHEN....
You're not sure if these are facts or jokes.

(I sent this in large type so you can read it)-----------------------------------------------------
 

If you didn't see this on the Tonight show, I hope you're sitting down when you read it. This is probably the funniest date story ever, first date or not!!! We have all had bad dates but this takes the cake.

Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience.

There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!

 
She said it was midwinter...Snowing and quite cold... and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City , Utah .

It was a  day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.

They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. ! ! They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point here she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.

They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.

Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal.. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem, due to the extreme cold.

Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about' what is taking so long' with a reply that indeed, she was 'freezing her butt off' and in need of some assistance!  He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem.

Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.

As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be 'pants  down'. And you thought your first date was embarrassing. Jay Leno's comment.... 'This  gives a whole new meaning to being pissed  off.'

Oh and how did the first date turn out? He became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show.
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Which leads into this cartoon nicely:

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Air Canada does something right:


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Have a great weekend, Christmas is coming way too fast. Remember if you feel the urge for a banana, make sure it is a Dole or DelMonte one!