Getting In On The Socialist Bandwagon!

I have become an artist tonight, really! I call it "Seeing Eye Puppy Art!" I will be applying for a grant to document the journey of the seeing eye puppy from baby to adult. I figure $30,000 should just about cover it.

My first creation is called "Seeing eye puppy being strangled by a life of hardship trying to adapt to the human world and all the laws and restrictions"



Now if that is not creative enough, my second creation, or should I say the puppy's creation, is titled, "Seeing eye puppy getting the hang of living in a restrictive world where humans are the oppressors."


Now, it's hard to live off of $30,000 a year, so I am also applying for a grant for my grow op.



Seeing as the new fad is to buy produce within a 100 mile limit, my tomato plants should net me at least another $30,000 in grants. My research paper will be "Growing tomatoes in the sub-arctic climate without disturbing the ecosystem around people who have no clue about growing a garden."

I am also applying for a grant of $30,000 to study the effects of urban displacement of sparrows from their bird houses when a cat moves into the neighbourhood.

Finally, I am starting a woman's group, called "Women, how to get out of the kitchen and into the malls; the art of shopping until you drop, and how to do it while looking like a million bucks" This should net the new organization (me) at least another $30,000.

Just wait until they legalize marijuana! I have all sorts of ideas on how to suck more money out of the government, like "Teaching kids the difference between a tomato plant and a pot plant, and how smoking a tomato plant can damage your brain while marijuana is okay." "Growing your own pot can be difficult unless your parents think it is a tomato plant". "Why your marijuana plant is turning brown and when is the best time to water it." "What to do with those pesky seeds that disrupt the growth of the pot plant, or are those actually tomatoes?"

I figure that I can net about $100,000 in one year for doing nothing but pretend that I am an expert of baffle gab.

So, how am I doing so far? I have the artist angle covered, the environmental angle covered, the legalize drugs angle covered, now, what am I missing?

Oh, right, the study on how to integrate into an eastern (Toronto)society while being a female who accidentally reveals her toe in public and has it cause a great disruption in the zen life of the eastern male, making them unable to think for the next 2 days.

Okay, I think I have everything covered now. Can't wait for the arts and science research money to start flowing into my pocket...any time now!

Hey, it's easy to be a socialist, all that free taxpayer money! I prefer to be an independent female who doesn't need any government handouts to succeed!