Friday Night Funnies: Baa Baa Black Sheep

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My neighbour found out that her dog ( a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian.
The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears. He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that, if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the chemist and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.

The lady went to the chemist and bought some "Nair" hair remover. At the register, the pharmacist told her, "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days."

The lady said, "I'm not using it under my arms."

The pharmacist said, "If you're using it on your legs, don't shave for a couple of days."

The lady replied, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer."

The pharmacist says, "Well stay off your bicycle for about a week."
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How to plug the oil leak in the gulf:

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Childbirth at 65

With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit.

'May I see the new baby?' I asked

'Not yet,' She said 'I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.'

Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?'

'No, not yet,' She said.

After another few minutes had elapsed,

I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?'

'No, not yet,' replied my friend.

Growing very impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?'

'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told me.

'WHEN HE CRIES?' I demanded. 'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?'

'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM, O.K.?!!'
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BP's Final Attempt:


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Cow, an Ant and an Old Fart

A Cow, an Ant and an Old Fart are debating on who is the greatest of the three of them.

The Cow: I give 50 litres of milk every day and that's why I am the greatest!!

The Ant: I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times my own
Weight and that's why I am the greatest!!

















Why are you scrolling down? It's your turn to say something...
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Dogs Know

Have you ever heard that a dog 'knows' when an earthquake is about to hit?

Have you ever heard that a dog can 'sense' when a tornado is stirring up, even 20 miles away?

Do you remember hearing that before the December tsunami struck Southeast Asia , dogs started running frantically away from the seashore, at breakneck speed?

Do you know that dogs can detect cancer and other serious illnesses and danger of fire?

Somehow they always know when they can 'go for a ride' before you even ask. How do those dogs and cats get home from hundreds of miles away?

I'm a firm believer that animals - and especially cats and dogs - have keen insights into the Truth.

And you can't tell me that dogs can't sense a potentially terrible disaster well in advance.

Simply said, a dog just KNOWS when something isn't right... when impending doom is upon us.

They'll always try to warn us!

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I don't want to brag or make anybody jealous or anything, but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.
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Erections and Aging
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Two old friends are sitting at the bar drinking when the first one says,
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"Ya know, when I was thirty and got an erection, I couldn't bend it, even using both hands.
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By the time I was forty, I could bend it about ten degrees, if I tried really hard.
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By the time I was fifty, I could bend it about forty five degrees, no problem. I'm gonna be sixty next week, and now I can bend it in half with just one hand."
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"So," says the second drunk, "what's your point?"
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"Well, I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get."
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T-G-I-F vs. S-H-I-T

A business man got on an elevator.

When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright,
"T-G-I-F."

He smiled at her and replied,
"S-H-I-T."

She looked puzzled and repeated,
"T-G-I-F," more slowly.

He again answered,
"S-H-I-T."

The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly,
"T-G-I-F."

The man smiled back to her and once again,
"S-H-I-T."

The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain.

'T-G-I-F' means 'Thank God, It's Friday.' Get it, duuhhh?"

The man answered,
"'S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday'-- duuhhh.
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Have a great weekend! Hoping to break the 100 mark in golf this season.....not looking good so far. Sigh.