Friday Night Funnies: Seeing Eye Dog!

A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the Saskatchewan prairies
without water.

His horse has already died of thirst.
He's crawling along the dusty ground, certain that he has breathed his last
breath, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the ground
several yards ahead of him.

He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the ground and discovers what
looks to be an old briefcase.

He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie.

She is wearing a Revenue Canada ID badge and a dull grey dress.

There's a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked behind one
ear. 'Well, cowboy,' says the genie..You know how I work....You have
three wishes.'

'I'm not falling for this.' said the cowboy... 'I'm not going to trust a
Revenue Canada genie.'

'What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation and it looks like
you're a goner anyway!'
The cowboy thinks about this for a minute and decides that the genie is right.
'OK!, I wish I were along-side a lush spring with plenty of food and drink.'

***POOF***

The cowboy finds himself beside the most beautiful spring he has ever seen
And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

'OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish.'

'My second wish is that I was rich beyond my wildest dreams.'

** *POOF***

The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare
gold coins and precious gems.

'OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!'

After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says... 'I wish that no
matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me.'

***POOF***

He was turned into a tampon.

Moral of the story:

If the government offers to help you, there's going to be a string attached.
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Two women were out for a Saturday stroll with their dogs. One had a

Doberman and the other, a Chihuahua . As they walked down the street,

the one with the Doberman said to her friend, "Let's go over to that

bar for a drink."

The lady with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got the

dogs with us."

The one with the Doberman said, "Just watch, and do as I do."

They walked over to the bar and the one with the Doberman put on a

pair of dark glasses and started to walk in... The bouncer at the door

said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."

The woman with the Doberman said, "You don't understand. This is my

seeing-eye dog."

The bouncer said, "A Doberman?"

The woman said, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good."

The bouncer said, "OK, come on in."

The lady with the Chihuahua thought that convincing him that a

Chihuahua was a seeing-eye dog may be a bit more difficult, but

thought, "What the heck," so she put on her dark glasses and started

to walk in. Once again the bouncer said, "Sorry, lady, no pets

allowed."

The woman said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."

The bouncer said, "A Chihuahua ?"

The woman said indignantly, "A Chihuahua ? They gave me a f******g

Chihuahua ???????"
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Did you know ...,

.. that the words "race car" spelled backward still spells "race car"

.. that "eat" is the only word that, if you take the 1st letter and move it to the last, it spells its past tense "ate"

And, have you noticed that if you rearrange the letters in "illegal immigrants" and add just a few more letters, it spells: "Go home you free-loading, benefit-grabbing, resource-sucking, baby-making, violent, non-English-speaking assholes and take those other hairy-faced, sandal-wearing, bomb-making, camel-riding, goat-loving, raggedy-ass b$stards with you."

How weird is that?
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Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation.

They were determined to make this a real vacation
by not wearing anything that would identify them
as clergy. As soon as the plane landed they headed
for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts,
shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.

The next morning they went to the beach
dressed in their 'tourist' garb.
They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a
'drop dead gorgeous' blonde in a topless bikini
came walking straight towards them..
They couldn't help but stare.

As the blonde passed them she smiled and said
'Good Morning, Father ~ Good Morning, Father,'
nodding and addressing each of them individually,
then she passed on by. They were both stunned.
How in the world did she know they were priests?
So the next day, they went back to the store
and bought even more outrageous outfits.

These were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them! Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a little while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a different colored topless bikini, taking her sweet time, came walking toward them. Again she nodded at each of them, said

'Good morning, Father ~ Good morning, Father,'
and started to walk away. One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, 'Just a minute, young lady.' 'Yes, Father?'
'We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world do you know we are priests, dressed as we are?' She replied,

'Father, it's me, Sister Kathleen.
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Hope this wasn't you last night:


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Enjoy your weekend!