------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------SOME OF YOU ARE SAFE - SOME ARE NOT!
I thought you would want to know about this e-mail virus. Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of this one. It appears to affect those who were born prior to 1953.
Symptoms:
1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice. done that!
2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail! that too!
3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person. yep!
4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you. Aha!
5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment. well darn!
6. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished. Oh, no - not again!
7. Causes you to hit "DELETE" instead of "SEND." and I just hate that!
8. Causes you to hit "SEND" when you should "DELETE." Oh No!
IT IS CALLED THE "C-NILE VIRUS."
Hmmm....Have I already sent this to you ???
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---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.
2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way.
3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest ?
They Take The Psychopath
4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It
5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!
6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
Polaroids
7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick
8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.
9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.
10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quatro Cinco.
11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.
12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
Frostbite.
13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.
14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.
15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.
16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.
17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog.
18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka.
19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover ?!
The Location Of The Dirt Bag.
20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckles On Their Hats.
21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.
22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?
Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer.
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For all those in the heat wave:
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MOVING TO MEXICO
Dear President Obama:
I'm planning to move my family and extended family into Mexico for my health, and I would like to ask you to assist me.
We're planning to simply walk across the border from the U.S. into Mexico, and we'll need your help to make a few arrangements.
We plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws.
I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here. So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Calderon, that I'm on my way over?
Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:
1. Free medical care for my entire family.
2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not.
3. Please print all Mexican government forms in English.
4. I want my grandkids to be taught Spanish by English-speaking (bilingual) teachers.
5. Tell their schools they need to include classes on American culture and history.
6. I want my grandkids to see the American flag on one of the flagpoles at their school.
7. Please plan to feed my grandkids at school for both breakfast and lunch.
8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to government services.
9. I do plan to get a car and drive in Mexico , but, I don't plan to purchase car insurance, and I probably won't make any special effort to learn local traffic laws.
10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from his president to leave me alone, please be sure that every patrol car has at least one English-speaking officer.
11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house, put U S. flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.
12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, or have any labor or tax laws enforced on any business I may start.
13. Please have the president tell all the Mexican people to be extremely nice and never say critical things about my family, or about the strain we might place on their economy.
14. I want to receive free food stamps.
15. Naturally, I'll expect free rent subsidies.
16. I'll need income tax credits so, although I don't pay Mexican taxes, I'll receive funds from the government.
17. Please arrange it so that the Mexican Gov't pays $4,500 to help me buy a new car.
18. Oh yes, I almost forgot: please enroll me free into the Mexican Social Security program so that I'll get a monthly income in retirement.
I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all his people who walk over to the U..S. from Mexico . I am sure that President Calderon won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely.
Thank you so much for your kind help. You da hombre!!!
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Have a great weekend, stay cool!
1 comment:
Back from Summerland and catching up on the latest "funnies". thanks for FNF
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