Friday Night Funnies: One Useless Cat

After a week of stupid Liberal/lefty tricks, it's time to chill out and laugh!

I was just sitting here wondering....
When the hell is Spring coming??
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I ended up with an older woman at a club last night.

She looked pretty good for a 65-year-old.

In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she probably had a really hot daughter.

We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double?

'What's that? I asked. 'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.

As my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what this daughter of hers might look like, I said, 'No, I haven't.'

We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, "tonight's your lucky night."

We went back to her place. We walked in.

She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs:

'Mom, you still awake?'
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WALMART INTERVIEW

Jennifer, a manager at Wal-Mart, had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of 20 resumes she found four people who were equally qualified. Jennifer decided to call the four in and askthem only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, Jennifer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?'

The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT.' It just pops into your head. There's no warning.

'That's very good!' replied Jennifer. 'And, now you sir?', she asked the second man.

'Hmmm . . . let me see 'A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.'

'Excellent!' said Jennifer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed.' She then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.

'Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. 'Yip, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of'.

Jennifer was very impressed with the third answer and thought she had found her man. 'It's hard to beat the speed of light,' she said.

Turning to Bubba, the fourth and final man, Jennifer posed the same question.

Old Bubba replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.'

'WHAT!?' said Jennifer, stunned by the response.

'Oh sure', said BUBBA. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already had an accident in my pants.'

BUBBA is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you! You will probably think of this every time you enter a Wal-Mart from now on.
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So adorable:
FOR SALE :

One Useless Cat
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Husband Down
A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart.
The husband picks up a case of Miller Lite and puts it in their cart.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.
'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans' he replies.
'Put them back, we can't afford them' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.
'It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Miller Lite and it's half the price.'

HUSBAND DOWN! HUSBAND DOWN! AISLE 7
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I would like to see all the old white opposition men try this!
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Speaking of old white opposition men who attack Conservative women, here's one for them.

God will take care of you....not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing for the lefties. Watch the little guy in his dad's arms, priceless!


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BLUE BIRD OF HAPPINESS, MY ASS! It's Freezing! There's snow in my ass, all the food's covered with 3 feet of this white shit, and you want ME to sing? What?? Anne Murray's "Snowbird"? Piss Off!! Next year, I'm flyin' to Jamaica.!!
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Enjoy your weekend, we get Family day off, so it's a long weekend! By the way, Dalton copied Alberta on that one, but Alberta could afford it!