Friday Night Funnies: Crazy Nastyass Honey Badger

Q: Where can men over the age
of 60 find younger, sexy
women who are interested
in them?
A: Try a bookstore under fiction.
Q: What can a man do while his
wife is going through
menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you're handy with
tools, you can finish the basement.
When you're done you'll have a
place to live.
Q: Someone has told me that
menopause is mentioned in the bible. Is that true? Where is it to be found?
A: Yes. Matthew 14:92:
"And Mary rode Joseph's ass
all the way to Egypt ."
Q: How can you increase the
heart rate of your 60-plus
year old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.
Q: How can you avoid that
terrible curse of the elderly
wrinkles?
A: Take off your glasses.
Q: Seriously! What can I do for these Crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?
A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out.
Q: Why should 60-plus year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.
Q: Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem, Retrieving it is the problem.
Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.
Q: Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses?
A: On their foreheads.
Q: What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?
A: "Gosh, I remember these!"
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Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend
trip to  Louisiana.
The Brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and
the Blonde team rode on the top level.
The Brunette team down below really whooped it up,
having a great time, when one of them realized she
hadn't heard anything from the Blondes upstairs. She
decided to go up and investigate.
When the Brunette reached the top, she found all the
Blondes in fear, staring straight ahead at the road,
clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.
The brunette asked, 'What the heck's going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!'
One of the Blondes looked up at her, swallowed hard
and whispered...
'YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!
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OLD GUY AT THE BEACH

SO.....WHAT WERE YOU THINKING???
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 Subject:  The Wine taster...


      
At a wine merchant's, the regular taster died and the director started looking to replace him.
An unkempt, unwashed, unshaven unsavory  drunkard was the first applicant.

The prospective employer wondered how to send him away without appearing to be too insensitive.
With his secretary by his side he gave him a glass of wine  to drink.

The tramp did not swallow but sniffed the glass twirled it and took a sip and then said, "It's a Muscat, three Years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade but acceptable.”
"Very professional" came the response before another glass was proffered
And then came; "It's a cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees. Requires three more years for finest results".

The boss and his secretary are becoming bemused by this and although they still wanted him to leave they offered a third glass which after contemplation came;

''It's a pinot blanc champagne, high grade and exclusive'' calmly said the drunk.
The director was astonished but was almost at a loss about what to do next when his secretary whispered in his ear. He nodded at her suggestion and then she left only to return
with a glass of urine.

The alcoholic tried it, cogitated, smiled and said:

"It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant and if you don't give me the job, I'll name the father."
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 I'm  sure that you have seen pharmaceutical  advertising in doctor's offices on everything  from tissues to note pads.
This one should get  First prize....

I  e-mailed it to my Chinese doctor friend;
He  e-mailed  back: "If light stay on more than 4 hour, call erectrician.
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 Well, golf season is ending here, got to pickle more cucumbers and clean out the garage.....exciting stuff! Have a great weekend, and thanks to my FNF helpers, keep those jokes and videos coming!