Friday Night Funnies: The Invisibility Cloak

An old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old German Shepherd thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep shit now!"

Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly,

"Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any

 more around here?"

Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.

"Whew!," says

 the panther, "That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!"

  

Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes.

The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the

 panther.

The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"

Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?," but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to

 hear, the old German Shepherd says...

"Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!"

  

Moral of this story...

Don't mess with the old dogs... Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!  Bullshit and brilliance only come with age and experience.

-----------------------------------------------

----------------------------------------------

NO, I HAVE NOT SEEN YOUR LIPSTICK!!!!!! Why would you even ask me that?  I am so insulted!Every time something goes missing around here,everybody looks at me! Handle every Stressful situation like a dog. If you can't eat it or play with it, Pee on it and walk away.

  -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

An Italian woman married an American gentleman and they lived happily
> ever after in Pittsburgh . The poor lady was not very proficient in
> English, but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real
> problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.
>
> One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. She
> didn't know how to put forward her request, so, in desperation,
> clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. Her
> butcher got the message and gave her the chicken legs.
>
> Next day she needed to get chicken breasts, again she didn't know  how
> to say it, so she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned her blouse to
> show the butcher her breasts. The butcher understood again and gave
> her some chicken breasts.
>
> On the 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a
> way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store...
>
>
> (Please scroll down.)
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> What were you
> thinking?
>
> Her husband speaks English!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I know it's friday night funnies, but get the tissues out for this one:

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Scared Dad
	Two kids are arguing over whose father is the biggest scaredy-cat. The first kid says, "My dad is so scared that when lightning strikes, he hides underneath the bed." The second kid replies,"Yeah? Well, that's nothing. My dad is so scared that when my mom has to work the nightshift, he sleeps with the lady next door."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

I imagine the lefties are going to be all hot and bothered about this one:

It's a spoof!! DUH!!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest
beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favor?'

'Of course, child. What may I do for you?'

'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my
mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and
I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it
through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?'

'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.'

'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.

The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'

'From the top of me head down to me waist, I have nothing to declare.'

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you
have to declare from your waist to the floor?'

'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which
is, to date, unused.'

Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next!'

--------------------------------------------------------------------

--------------------------------------------------------------

The National Post has declared the Red Ali budget a NDP budget, unfortunately, that is true, and not funny. Does Alberta go bold and sweep the garbage out or do we wimp out? I say go BOLD!

Have a great weekend, get out and enjoy our mild weather, while it it lasts.