The Bathtub Test
> During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the
> Director, "how do you determine whether or not a patient
> should be institutionalized?"
>
> "Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we
> offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and
> ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
>
> "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person
> would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or
> the teacup."
>
> "No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the
> plug."
>
> " Do you want a bed near the window?" --
> During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the
> Director, "how do you determine whether or not a patient
> should be institutionalized?"
>
> "Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we
> offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and
> ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
>
> "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person
> would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or
> the teacup."
>
> "No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the
> plug."
>
> " Do you want a bed near the window?" --
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Here are some fun ads to watch!
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Queen Elizabeth
and
Dolly Parton
die on the same day and they both goand
Dolly Parton
before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.
Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day,
so the Angel must decide which of them gets in.
The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular
reason why she should go to Heaven.
Dolly takes off her top and says, 'Look at these,
they're the most perfect breasts God ever created,
and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see
them every day, for eternity.'
The Angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty
the same question. The Queen takes a bottle of
Perrier out of her purse, drinks it down.
Then, wees into a toilet and pulls the lever.
The Angel says, 'OK, your Majesty, you may go in.'
Dolly is outraged and asks, 'What was that all about?
I show you two of God's own perfect creations and
you turn me down. She wees into a toilet and she gets in!
Would you explain that to me?'
'Sorry, Dolly,' says the Angel, 'but even in Heaven,
A Royal Flush
Beats a Pair -
No Matter How Big They Are.
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WHAT PART OF QUIET DIDN'T YOU UNDERSTAND?
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Eye candy for us ladies:
Sex with a Cowboy
Prior to her trip to Calgary Alberta , Carol (a blonde chick from England ),
confided to her co-workers and
confided to her co-workers and
friends she had three goals for her trip to Cowboy country ;
1. She wanted to taste some real western Bar-B-Que.
1. She wanted to taste some real western Bar-B-Que.
2.. She wanted to take in a bona fide rodeo...
And...
3. She wanted to have sex with a local cowboy.
Upon returning, the girls were curious as to how she fared.
'Let me tell you, they have Alberta beef to die for, and when they bar-b-q it,
the taste is unbelievable!'
'And I went to a real rodeo. Talk about athletes...Those guys wrestle full grown bulls!
They ride horses at a full gallop, then jump off the horses and grab the bull
by the horns and throw them to the ground!
It is just incredible!'
Then came the big question,
3. She wanted to have sex with a local cowboy.
Upon returning, the girls were curious as to how she fared.
'Let me tell you, they have Alberta beef to die for, and when they bar-b-q it,
the taste is unbelievable!'
'And I went to a real rodeo. Talk about athletes...Those guys wrestle full grown bulls!
They ride horses at a full gallop, then jump off the horses and grab the bull
by the horns and throw them to the ground!
It is just incredible!'
Then came the big question,
'Well tell us, did you have sex with a real cowboy?'
'Are you kidding? When I saw the size of the condoms they carry in their back pockets I changed my mind!'
Brought to you by:
THE BEST CHEWING TOBACCO
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Thank goodness the gun registry is as good as gone.
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I just took a leaflet out of my mailbox,
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A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.
So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.
She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.
"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?
"Morris Feinberg," he replied.
"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"
"For about 60 years."
"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"
"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims."
"I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop."
"I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man."
"I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests."
"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"
"Like I'm talking to a brick wall.!!!!
So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.
She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.
"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?
"Morris Feinberg," he replied.
"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"
"For about 60 years."
"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"
"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims."
"I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop."
"I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man."
"I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests."
"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"
"Like I'm talking to a brick wall.!!!!
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A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
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Great weather holding out here.....Have a great long weekend, for those who get Family day off! Those who don't.....Don't wake me up with loud noises on Monday....I'm sleeping in!
1 comment:
Every day is family day around here - the Mrs., the dog, and the Me ... love that retirement!!
Thanks for FNF.
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