CLEVER PONDERISMS
1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 a piece on those littlebottles of Evian water?
Try spelling Evian backwards : NAIVE
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2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing
section in a swimming pool?
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3. OK ..... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the 'Jags' and
the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the 'Bucs,' what does that make
the Tennessee Titans?
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4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea does that mean that one
enjoys it?
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5. There are three religious truths:
a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the
Christian faith.
c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or
Hooters.
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6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from
Holland called Holes?
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7. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
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8. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale
bread to begin with?
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9 Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who
drives a race car is not called a racist?
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10. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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11. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow
that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged,
models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
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12. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
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13. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
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14. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
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15. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot
more as they get older; then it dawned on me ... they're cramming for
their final exam.
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16. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons
and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
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17. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What
are we supposed to do, write to them?
Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the
mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
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18. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are
the others here for?
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19. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
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22. If a cow laughed, would she spew milk out of her nose?
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23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
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24. At income tax time, did you ever notice: When you put the two
words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells ... 'THEIRS'?
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Kids, they are trouble:
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Okay this is a girl thing, so you guys just skip this one, ....kidding. The wait is a bit long, but it's worth it. I'm not sure what they are apologizing for...anyone???
Sorry
this really is for a woman - but guy's can listen too!
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This is cool. Put your first name in when it asks for your name…
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Triumph....
T-G-I-F vs. S-H-I-T
A business man got on an elevator. When he entered,
there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, "T-G-I-F"
He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T"
She looked puzzled and repeated,
"T-G-I-F," more slowly.
He again answered, "S-H-I-T."
The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her
He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T"
She looked puzzled and repeated,
"T-G-I-F," more slowly.
He again answered, "S-H-I-T."
The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her
biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F."
The man smiled back to her and once again, "S-H-I-T."
The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain. "'T-G-I-F
The man smiled back to her and once again, "S-H-I-T."
The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain. "'T-G-I-F
means Thank God, It's Friday. Get it, duuhhh?"
The man answered, "S-H-I-T' means
The man answered, "S-H-I-T' means
'Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday'-- duuhhh."
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Every dog should have his own cat:
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Somebody Going To Get Hurt Real BAD.....
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This test is based on how cool you were in High School...
What crowd you ran with, what car you drove, who you dated, etc.
It's pretty accurate.
You may want to send it to your friends to see if they've changed.
HA! Stay un-cool!
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