Friday Night Funnies: Water Bed

So, there I was, just relaxing in front of the TV...

When the kids yelled: "Mom,come see the kittens..." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ An Arab Muslim enters a taxi cab in Dallas, Texas.......... Once he is seated he asks the cab driver to turn off the radio because he must not hear music as decreed by his religion and; in the time of the prophet, there was no music, especially Western music, which is music of the infidel's and certainly no radio ........ So the cab driver politely switches off the radio, pulls over to the side, stops the cab and opens the back door. The Arab asks him: “What are you doing man?” The Texan answers: “In the time of the prophet there were no taxis. So get your ass out and wait for a camel. --------------------------------------------------------- Always say thanks for what God has given to you...Amen! ----------------------------------------------------------  Water Bed in German furniture store.                                Note that the sign says NOT to get on the bed, but oh well the best way to motivate people to do something is to put up a sign saying "Don't........!" ----------------------------------------------------------- A  Newfoundland farmer named Angus had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company. In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Angus. 'Didn't you say to the RCMP at the scene of the accident, 'I'm  fine?' asked the solicitor. Angus responded: 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I'd just loaded my fav'rit cow, Bessie, into da... ' 'I didn't ask for any details', the solicitor interrupted. 'Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?' Angus said, 'Well, I'd just got Bessie into da trailer and I was drivin' down da road.... ' The solicitor interrupted again and said,'Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question. ' By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Angus' answer and said to the solicitor: 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie'. Angus thanked the Judge and proceeded. 'Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my fav'rit cow, into de trailer and was drivin' her  down de road when this huge Eversweet truck and trailer came tundering tru a stop sign and hit me trailer right in da side.. I was trown into one ditch and Bessie was trown into da udder. By Jaysus I was hurt, very bad like, and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moanin' and groanin'. I knew she was in terrible pain just by her groans. Shortly after da accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moanin' and groanin' too, so he went over to her.. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Den da policeman came across de road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, 'How are you  feelin'?' 'Now wot da heck would you say?' -----------------------------------------    ------------------------------------  Tolerance I am truly perplexed that so many of my friends are against a mosque being built at Ground Zero. I think it should be the goal of every American to be tolerant. Thus the Mosque should be allowed, in an effort to promote tolerance. That is why I also propose that two nightclubs be opened next door to the mosque, thereby promoting tolerance from within the mosque. We could call one of the clubs, which would be gay, " The Turban Cowboy ", and the other a topless bar called " You Mecca Me Hot ." Next door should be a butcher shop that specializes in pork, and adjacent to that an open-pit barbeque pork restaurant, called " Iraq o' Ribs. " Across the street there could be a lingerie store called " Victoria Keeps Nothing Secret ", with sexy mannequins in the window modeling the goods. Next door to the lingerie shop there would be room for an adult sex toy shop, " Koranal Knowledge ", its name in flashing neon lights, and on the other side a liquor store called " Morehammered. " All of this would encourage the Muslims to demonstrate the tolerance they demand of us, so the mosque problem would be solved. If you agree with promoting tolerance, and you think this is a good plan, please pass it on...  ------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------------- That's all folks! Snow still coming down, which is excellent because we need the moisture here.