Friday Night Funnies: Military Maybelline

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At last I know why I've got fat hips!
When taking a shower I often use the rest of my shampoo to lather myself.
Well, yesterday, I read what was written on the bottle -
"For extra volume and body." What a shock!

No wonder it is so difficult to keep my weight under control.
So from now on I will use dish-washing liquid for showering -
it claims, "Dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove!"

Maybe you have had this problem?
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The look on an old dog's face...is priceless

Hell, yeah I'm gonna sniff it!
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My Resimay

To hoom it
Mae cunsern,

I waunt to apply for the job
What I saw in the paper.

I kin
Type realee qwik wit one finggar and do sum a
Counting.

I think I am good on the
Fone and I no I am a pepole person, Pepole realee
Seam to reespond too me well. Certain men and all the ladies.

I no my spelling is not
Too good but find that I Offen can get a
Job wit my persinalety.


My salerery is open so we kin discus wat you
Want to pay me and wat you think that I am
Werth,

I kin start emeditely.
Thank yoo in advanse fore yore anser.

Hopifuly Yore best aplicant so
Farr.

Sinseerly,

Bubba

PS:
Because my resimay is a bit short - below is a
Pickture of me.
Dear
Bubba:

It's OK Honey.. We've got spell
Check.
See you Monday !
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A guy gets a knock on his front door one morning and opens it to find a young man standing there who says: "I'm a Jehovah's Witness."

The guy says to the young man "Come in and sit down, what do you want to talk about?"

The young man says, "Beats the heck out of me, I've never gotten this far before."
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Never try to outsmart a Woman!

A man calls home to his wife and say "Honey, I have been asked to fly to Canada with my boss and several of his friends for fishing.. We'll be
gone for a long weekend.

This is a good opportunity for me to get that
promotion I've been wanting.

So could you please pack enough clothes for a 3 day weekend.....
And also would you get out my rod and tackle box from the attic?
We're leaving at 4:30 pm from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up..

'Oh! And please pack my new navy blue silk pajamas..'

The wife thinks this sounds a bit odd, but, being the good wife,
She does exactly what her husband asked.

Following the long weekend he came home a little tired, but, otherwise, looking good.

The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish?
He says, 'Yes! Lots of Walleyes, some Bass, and a few Pike.

He said but why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?

You'll love the answer.

The wife replies, "I did, they're in your tackle box".

Never, Never, Never
try to outsmart a woman!!!
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Seniors in Love

An elderly senior couple were invited to an old friends home for dinner one evening. She was impressed by the way her lady friend preceded every request to her husband with endearing terms such as: Honey, My love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love.

While the husbands were in the living room, the hostess leaned over to her friend to say, 'I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your husband all those loving pet names'.
The elderly lady hung her head. 'I have to tell you the truth,' she said, 'His name slipped my mind about 10 years ago and I'm scared to death to ask the cranky old bastard what it is.'
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THE TRICK IS TO FIND THE MAN IN THE COFFEE BEANS:
This is bizarre - after you find the guy - it's so obvious.
Once you find him - it's embarrassing, and you think,
'Why didn't I see him immediately?'

Doctors have concluded that if you find the man in the coffee beans in 3 seconds, the right half of your brain is better developed than most people. If you find the man between 3 seconds and 1 minute, the right half of the brain is developed normally. If you find the man between 1 minute and 3 minutes, then the right half of your brain is functioning slowly and you need to eat more protein. If you have not found the man after 3 minutes, the advice is to look for more of this type of exercise to make that part of the brain stronger!!!

And, yes, the man is really there!!

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We have been stuck in a deep freeze, sometimes music can make everything better. Try this site for your favorite oldies. Stay warm, spring is supposed to be around the corner, just not sure which corner.