Friday Night Funnies: Bungie Jumping

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A precious little girl walks into a petsmart shop and asks,in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth, "Excuthe me,
mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"


As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit,or a thoft and fuwwy, bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?"


She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice,"I don't think my python weally gives a thit."
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When you are down in the dumps and think you have real problems, just remember:

SOMEWHERE IN THIS WORLD,
THERE IS A POOR BA$TARD NAMED MR. PELOSI.
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WOMEN WHO KNOW THEIR PLACE . . . . .

Barbara Walters, of 20/20, did a story on gender roles in
Kabul, Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict.
She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind
their husbands.

She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still
walk behind their husbands.

Despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime, the
women now seem happy to maintain the old custom.

Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked,
'Why do you now seem happy with an old custom that you once
tried so desperately to change?'

The woman looked Ms.Walters straight in the eyes, and
without hesitation said, 'Land Mines.'

Moral of the story ~

BEHIND EVERY MAN, THERE'S A SMART WOMAN!
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These are classified ads, which were actually placed in a U.K. newspaper:


FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old.
Hateful little bastard.
Bites!

FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.

FREE PUPPIES.
Mother, a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father, Super Dog... able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.

*** And the WINNER is... ***


FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica,
45 volumes.
Excellent condition....£200 or best offer.
No longer needed; got married last month.
Wife knows f#%#%#g everything!
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If you are a senior you will understand this one,
if you deal with seniors this should help you understand them a little better, and if you are not a senior yet........God willing, someday you will be......

The £2.99 Special

We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the 'seniors' special' was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for £2.99.

'Sounds good,' my wife said. 'But I don't want the eggs.'

'Then, I'll have to charge you three pounds and forty-nine pence because you're ordering a la carte,' the waitress warned her.

'You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?' my wife asked incredulously.

'YES!!' stated the waitress.

'I'll take the special then,' my wife said.

'How do you want your eggs?' the waitress asked.

'Raw and in the shell,' my wife replied.
She took the two eggs home and baked a cake.


DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS!!!
WE'VE been around the block more than once!
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The Bravest Mouse Ever! He did survive!


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Have a great weekend! Thanks to all my contributors, you make my job much easier!