Friday Night Funnies: Little Darling!

*Rules for Bullshit Bingo*

1. Before Barrack Obama's next televised speech, prepare your "Bullshit
Bingo" card by drawing a square

(I find that 5" x 5" is a good size -- and dividing it into columns
--five across and five down.

That will give you 25 1-inch blocks.)

2. Write one of the following words/phrases in each block:

* Restored our reputation
* Strategic fit
* Let me be clear
* Make no mistake
* Back from the brink
* Signs of recovery
* Out of the loop
* Benchmark
* Job creation
* Fiscal restraint
* Win-win
* Affordable health care
* Previous Administration
* Greed on Wall Street
* At the end of the day
* Empower (or empowerment)
* Touch base
* Mindset
* Corporate greed
* Ballpark
* Game plan
* Leverage
* Inherited as in "I inherited this mess"
* Relief for working families

3. Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those
words/phrases.


4. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally,
stand up and shout

*"BULLSHIT!"*


Testimonials from past satisfied "Bullshit Bingo" players:

"I had been listening to the speech for only five minutes when I won." -
Jack W., Boston

"My attention span during speeches has improved dramatically." - David
D., Florida

"What a gas! Speeches will never be the same for me after my first win."
- Bill R., New York City

"The atmosphere was tense in the last speech as 14 of us waited for the
fifth box." - Ben G., Denver

"The speaker was stunned as eight of us screamed "BULLSHIT!" foorr the
third time in two hours." - Harry A, Chantilly

"This is the most fun I have ever had with my pants up!" Robert H.
Portland
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Thanks to one of my many FNF contributors, I found this father and son pair who made it to the finals. Unfortunately the original River Dance performance has been disabled for embedding for some reason, but you can still watch it on Youtube.


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TALKING CLOCK

After closing time at the bar, a drunk was proudly showing off
his new apartment to a couple of his friends. He led the way
to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.

'What's up with the big brass gong?' one of the guests asked.

'It's not a gong. It's a talking clock,' the drunk replied.

'A talking clock? Seriously?' asked his astonished friend.

'Yup,' replied the drunk.

'How's it work?' the friend asked, squinting at it.

'Watch,' the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and stepped back. .

The three stood looking at one another for a moment......

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, 'You a$$hole! It's three-fifteen in the morning!
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Our planet is populated with plenty of bizarre and astonishing creatures. Here are three from the Bat Family .....

Sucker-footed Bat


Red-Winged Fruit Bat



Left-Winged Ding Bat

The pride of California
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Starts with F and ends with K

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'

Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'

Harry: '9.'
Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'

Harry: '36.'

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.'
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions.'

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'

Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.'

Ms Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: 'Pockets.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do and that a man steps into?'

Harry: 'Pants.'

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, &delicious?'

Harry: 'Coconut.'

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'

Harry: 'Shake hands.'

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'

Harry: 'Firetruck.'

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher,'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong !
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Woman of the year:

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Subject: Keep This Moving!

As a rule, I don't pass along these "add your name" lists that
appear in emails, BUT this one is important.

It has been circulating for months and has been sent to over 300
million people. We don't want to lose any names on the list so just
hit forward and send on.

Please keep it going!
To show your support for Obama's health care reform, please go to the
end of the list and add your name

1. Nancy Pelosi
2.
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This float was in a parade in Berlin!

You've Got to Love those Germans...

They have A Great sense of humor! Read underneath the photo



Is that Hillary... ??

What is she hanging on to?

Answer:

His stimulus package……
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(This is amazing, two performances with 50 years between them, and they are both awesome!)




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(Not sure if this is a joke or the truth!)

Subject: To pee or not to pee

Like most folks in this country, I have a job. I work, they pay me. I pay my taxes & the government distributes my taxes as it sees fit.

In order to get that paycheck, in my case, I am required to pass a random urine test (with which I have no problem).

What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes to people who don't have to pass a urine test.

So, here is my question: Shouldn't one have to pass a urine test to get a welfare check because I have to pass one to earn it for them?

Please understand, I have no problem with helping people get back on their feet. I do, on the other hand, have a problem with helping someone sitting on their BUTT----doing drugs while I work.

Can you imagine how much money each state would save if people had to pass a urine test to get a public assistance check?

I guess we could call the program "URINE OR YOU'RE OUT"!
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Your stupid time consuming game of the week is Amazing Mind Reader. Funny when I concentrated, it was right, when I didn't even look at the symbol, it got it wrong. Whatever, it's still freaky!

Have a great weekend!