Friday Night Funnies: Why We Love Old People.

THIS IS WHY WE LOVE OLD PEOPLE


A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?'

The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot.'

The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?'

'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he says 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.'

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?'

The farmer said, 'Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?'

The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.
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LITTLE FLAB !!


One morning while making breakfast, A man walked up to his wife,
Pinched her on the butt and said....
'If you firmed this up, we could get rid of Your control top pantyhose.'

While this was on the edge of intolerable,
She kept silent.

The next morning, The man woke his wife with A pinch on each of her breasts
And said....'You know, if you firmed these up, We could get rid of your bra.'

This was Beyond A silent response...

So she rolled over And Grabbed him By his 'DANGLER.'
   
With a death grip in place, She said...

'You know, If you Firmed this up,
We could Get rid of 
The gardener,
The postman,
   The pool man
               And
             Your brother !'
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I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 76).

We decided to grab a bite at the food court.  I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors - green, red, orange, and blue.

My dad kept staring at her.

The teenager kept looking around and would find my dad staring every time.

When the teenager had had enough, she sarcastically asked:  "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; I knew he would have a good one!

In classic style he responded without batting an eyelid . . . "Got stoned once and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you might be my kid."
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Ole is the Pastor of the local Norwegian Lutheran Church and Pastor Sven is
the minister of the Swedish Covenant Church across the road. One day they are seen pounding a sign into the ground, which said:
 
DA END ISS NEAR!
TURN YERSELF AROUNT NOW
BAFOR IT ISS TOO LATE!
 
As a car speeds past them, the driver leans out his window and yells, "Leave people alone, you Skandihoovian religious nuts!"
 
From the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash.

Shakin' his head, Rev. Ole says "Dat's da terd one dis mornin'.""Yaa," Pastor Sven agrees, then asks, "Do ya tink maybe da sign should yust say, 'Bridge Out?'"
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THE PORCH

A young blond girl in her late teens, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.

She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint the porch" he said. "How much will you charge me?"

Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and brushes and everything she would need were in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"

"That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" he responded.

The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all
those dumb blonde jokes."

A few hours later the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already??" the startled husband asked.

"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I even had paint left over so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it
to her along with a $10 tip.

"Thank you," the blonde said, "And, by the way, it's not a Porch,
it's a Lexus."
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Snotty Receptionist

Yesterday  I  had an appointment to see the urologist for a Prostate exam.  Of course I was a  bit on edge because all my friends have either  gone under the knife or had those pellets implanted.......

The  waiting room was filled with  patients.
 
 
As I approached  the receptionist's desk, I noticed that the  receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo  wrestler.    I gave  her my name.
 


In  a very loud voice, the receptionist  said,"YES,  I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE;   YOU  WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE,  RIGHT?"
 
All the  patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at me,  a now very embarrassed man.  But as usual, I recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied,  
 
'NO,  I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE  OPERATION,    BUT  I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS."

The room erupted in applause!

DON'T MESS WITH OLD RETIRED GUYS
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As we Silver Surfers know, sometimes we have trouble with our computers. 

I had a problem yesterday, so I called Eric, the 13 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over. 

Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?  

He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I  need to fix it again.'

Eric grinned . . .'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?

'No, 'I replied.  

'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.

'I wrote down:  ID10T !

I used to like Eric, the little bastard.
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Too tired for more.....have a great long weekend!!

State Funeral?

Socialists should be horrified by any mention of promoting one individual as superior to any other.  Aren't all people equal? Shame on the socialists for allowing a state funeral for their leader, it makes him superior to all of their members.

Let Layton be at peace, don't use his death for political gain.

Goodbye Jack!

This video gives you a good sense of Jack. He was funny and sincere, hard for politicians to be.



Rest in peace Jack. My deepest sympathy to Jack's family and friends.

Friday Night Funnies: You Already Know How To Fish!

I love holidays! Been frying out in Kelowna, thank goodness a few of my relatives have pools. On to the good stuff:
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After being married for 44 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said: "Darling, 44 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old girl. Now I have a $500,000.00 home, a $45,000.00 car, nice big bed and plasma screen TV but I'm  sleeping with a 65-year-old woman.  It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25-year-old  girl, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve your mid-life crisis
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An old married couple was at home watching TV.  The husband had the remote
and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel.

The wife became more and more annoyed and finally said:  

"For God's sake!  Leave it on the porn channel. You already know how to fish!"
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 Beating the heat....

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Little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores.

"Not yet," said the little boy.

His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores.

Well,  he's a little pissed off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow.  He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.

"How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks.

"Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I saw you kick the cow so for a week you aren't getting any milk."

Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen.

The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, "You gonna tell him or should I?"

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Restroom  stall
   Traveling  down the interstate and needing to use the  restroom, I stopped at a rest area and headed to  the restroom.

"Hi, how  are you?" 

I'm  not the type to start a conversation in the  restroom and I don't know what got into  me, 
But I  answered, somewhat embarrassed, 
"Doin'  just fine!" 

And  the other person says: 
"So  what are you up to?"

What  kind of question is that? At that point, I'm  thinking this is too bizarre so I  say:
"Uhhh,  I'm like you, just traveling!"  ?? 

At  this point I am just trying to get out as fast  as I can when I hear another question. 
"Can I  come over?" 

Ok,  this question is just too weird for me but I  figured I could just be polite and end the  conversation. I tell them: 
"No..I'm a  little busy right  now!!!" 

Then I  hear the person say  nervously... 
"Listen,  I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in  the other stall who keeps answering all my  questions

Cell  phones, don't you just love 'em  ! 
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When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said, 'I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.'
I said, 'Well, then why are you crying?' She said, 'He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon.
 I said, 'Well, why are you crying?' She said,'For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m.' I said,'Well, why in the world would you be crying?' She said, 'I can't remember where I live!'
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 Edge Designs is an all-women run company  
          That designs interior office space. They had a    
          Recent opportunity to do an office project in    
          NYC.    
               
          The client allowed the women of this    
          Company a free hand in all design aspects.    
          The client was a company that was also    
          Run by all women execs.............     
              
          The result.........well.....We all know that    
          Men never talk, never look at each other....     
          And never laugh much in the restroom....    
          The men's room is a serious and quiet place...     
          ....But now...with the addition of one mural    
          On the wall......lets just say the men's    
          Restroom is a place of laughter and smiles.

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Heat Wave.....

Have a great weekend! I'm sitting on the patio hosing my flowers down tomorrow.

100 Days of Sun News!

How are they doing? I know I watch them whenever I can. They are not perfect, but Ezra usually makes me chuckle, he is so non-pc, it must drive them mad.

Impressive numbers for Sun News!

Poor Atwood, she must be furious, the money Soros sent has been rendered useless. That's the problem with far lefties, they yap a lot, but don't know how to do anything. How's that Canadian "aid" boat to nowhere going?

To get a real feel for what real lefties are like, you need to pay attention to the trolls. I have an especially interesting one. It didn't think I would post this comment, so in essence it was only talking to me. Do you understand why some bloggers prefer to remain anonymous?

Actually, LS, you are the despicable one. You come here to rant against anything c/Conservative and blame Christians at every turn, but don't dare to call out "radical" Muslims for their crimes. You are a troll, and you are one comment away from being banned from MY blog. Go cry in your beer somewhere else, like rabble.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011 8:13:00 PM

liberal supporter said...

You come here to rant against anything c/Conservative and blame Christians at every turn, but don't dare to call out "radical" Muslims for their crimes. Bullshit. I am a Christian. You are a liar. You are a troll, and you are one comment away from being banned from MY blog. Make my day, Brenda. Go cry in your beer somewhere else, like rabble. Fuck off you silly bitch. I only say so because this thread is now auto-moderated and because it is true. I wouldn't dream of swearing on here otherwise, since you claim young people read this blog. If you were not so stupid, you would see I was pointing out you are not an extremist, then JR drags out the "lefties are responsible for all evil in the world" canard. He's the eliminationist one you should ban. From his picture even looks like his hero Anders the mass murderer. The tide is turning. First it was Murdoch, owner of your beloved Faux news being thoroughly discredited. Now it's the far right being held to account. And it's about time. Your selfish hateful cohorts are finding that the silent majority, that would be the majority who is left of centre, are getting fed up with your ilk and now we're telling you so. Even Stephen Harper knows this, see how he threw the anti choice fascists under the bus in the last election, knowing you have nowhere else to go. You can dream you'll get your precious nanny state over the wombs of the nation, but it will never happen. Fool.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011 9:27:00 PM

This guy/Gail is seriously unbalanced. Notice how they revert to name calling and profanity to try and get their point across? They need help.

Do we need something like Sun News, you better believe it. Lefties, as shown above, are out of control and their media buddies are not much better. Sun News is a breath of fresh air into a tired, worn out and biased news media. At least Sun New does not pretend to be unbiased like the CBC and CTV. Their numbers show that Canadians are starved for the Conservative point of view. 

Congrats on 100 days on air, and on your impressive numbers.

Friday Night Funnies: Cancelled This Week.

I'm sorry but after what has happened in Norway, I can't bring myself to do the Friday Night Funnies. The thought of all those innocent youngsters swimming for their lives, and over 80 of them not making it because of an obviously cruel, deranged person, makes me sick to my stomach.

I wonder if Norway has the death penalty? Could every parent/kin of a child killed by this madman be given a razor blade to make a cut, for their child? Let him get a sense of the fear those youngsters went through. Let him feel the pain he caused to those who died, and those who were injured. Take him back to that island and make him swim in the water while people shoot at him. Or would lefties feel that was too harsh? I don't think I could physically harm him if he had killed my child, but I wouldn't feel bad if he was legally executed by the government.

Some people are not redeemable. 

If It Saves Just One Life, It Is Worth It.

Dr. Bennett, you have an appointment....with some violent criminals. You can yap all you want about crime rates, but until you actually visit a prison, keep your yap shut. Typical Liberal, bellyache about Conservatives being tough on crime and forget to actually talk to the ones most involved, the victims. Then she needs to go to a prison and talk to the inmates, she will be shocked with the crowded conditions they have to live in, that should get her little Liberal heart beating fast so she can start a group advocating better prisons.

Statscan's "Crime Severity Index", which tracks violent crime, also dropped to its lowest level ever since that index was created in 1998.
"Yet we have a Conservative government trying to implement policies based on ill-informed ideas instead of evidence," said Liberal MP Carolyn Bennett.
"Conservatives continue their fear-mongering in hopes of scaring Canadians into accepting severe and ineffective crime legislation. The omnibus crime bill planned for fall will only exacerbate prison costs."

 Liberals blast the Conservatives for getting rid of the useless long gun registry, by stating...."if it saves just one life, it is worth it". They should also apply that same logic to prisons. If keeping one violent criminal behind bars for their full sentence, "saves just one life"... it is worth it!

How about this unhinged Judge, who couldn't wait 3 minutes for a prosecutor?

An Ontario Court judge, in an apparent fit of pique, has tossed an entire docket’s worth of guilty pleas.
The incident happened Thursday in 202 court in Newmarket, north of Toronto, where a dozen people, some of whom had already pleaded guilty and were slated for sentencing, were abruptly released.
Ontario’s attorney-general’s ministry is already “taking steps to have a court review the dismissals,” spokesman Jenn Bell said in an email, with a view to getting the charges “back before the court quickly.”
The courtroom is solely dedicated to guilty pleas.
Apparently furious that assistant Crown attorney Brian McCallion was late returning from a recess, Judge Howard Chisvin abruptly dismissed the charges for what he called “want of prosecution.”

 This is Liberal justice? Free guilty people because a Judge was made to wait a few minutes? This judge should be fired. Especially for a past ruling:

Judge Chisvin, who was appointed to the bench in 2004 after an 18-year stint as a defence lawyer, is no stranger to controversy.
Three years ago, he set free a man who was facing four charges of assault, three of threatening and two of mischief in relation to a domestic dispute because the judge ruled he had been denied a properly speedy bail hearing.
But Judge Chisvin didn’t only release the man, also ordered the Crown to pay his $12,000 legal costs as a penalty for what he called its “lackadaisical attitude.”
Three months later, the same fellow, one Davood Zarinchang, was being sought by York Regional Police for attempted murder in connection with a violent home invasion. The revelation that he’d been released not long before by Judge Chisvin caused a brouhaha.
A headline in the Toronto Star on Feb. 5, 2008, read, “Warrant for man released by angry judge.”
Mr. Zarinchang was eventually convicted in connection with the violent home invasion and sentenced to seven years.
And in the spring of last year, the Ontario Court of Appeal ordered that he also stand trial for the charges Judge Chisvin had thrown out – and reduced the amount the Crown had to pay for Mr. Zarinchang’s legal bills to about $3,000.

 So, the Judge releases a violent criminal and 3 months later that same criminal gets arrested for ATTEMPTED MURDER? Dr. Bennett can harp all she wants about statistics that show crime decreasing, that is her right, but I want her to talk to some criminals first, she might be shocked about what they have to say. Too bad she is all spit, and no shine!

Here is an idea, Dr. Bennett should go undercover into a prison for the month of August, live with the inmates, talk to them, see how crowded the prisons really are, and then come back and spout off about no funds needed to upgrade those prisons. She should spend the month in a provincial prison, not a federal prison, because from what I hear, the provincial prisons are hellholes compared to the federal ones.

MP's go on fact finding tours to places like Greece, Italy, and France all the time. It is time for them to go on a fact finding tour into our prisons. I bet none will, it's not an exotic enough location, kind of like the Greens, never holding a conference in the NWT in January. 

Maybe an actual journalist could do a little investigative reporting and talk to some real criminals, convicted of real crimes, to see what they think of the prison system, and while they are at it, they might want to talk to some prison guards, parole officers, etc. It might be an interesting article, instead of the garbage we usually get from journalists.

Blame Alberta!

Will the Liberals never learn? Are they so egotistical that they think people still listen to their lies? I understand that Ontario is having an election, but what does Alberta have to do with their election?

Well, it seems that Dalton wants to do what Liberals always do, blame Alberta. Trudeau gave us the finger, and instituted the transfer of oil wealth from Alberta to the east, using the National Energy Program. It killed our oil industry overnight, people committed suicide, walked away from their homes and swore to never vote Liberal ever again. The mention of Trudeau leaves a sickening smell in the noses of people in Alberta. 

So, what does Dalton do? He proclaims, without any evidence at all, that the east has been supporting the oil industry for "decades". 

Funny, it now appears that the west is supporting the rest of the country, but Dalton is trying to use that old Liberal trick of divide and lie. Why do Liberals hate the west? What have we ever done to them but shovel huge amounts of money towards the east?

Even though Ontario is now a "have not" province, they deny it, but still take the wests money. Ontario has a provincial debt of over 200 Billion dollars, Quebec over 500 Billion, and Alberta zero, yet somehow it is Alberta's fault that Ontario is on the rocks? Somehow Alberta is to blame for Dalton's bad management of Ontario?

Well good luck with that tactic Dalton, Ontario is going to hand you your pink slip no matter how hard you slam Alberta. We here in Alberta are cheering on our fellow Conservatives in Ontario. We know it is time to clean out the barn, slop the pigs, and shout "heehaw" because the Liberal brand is dead.

Good luck in trying to divide our country Dalton, you are truly an unfortunate mistake of nature.

Edmonton, Not Only The Murder Capital In Canada...

Also the mosquito capital of Canada. Now that's going bring in the tourists! What an embarrassing and totally incompetent council we have, from a mayor who spends MILLIONS on an art gallery no-one goes to, to my lefty councilor who rides the LRT to work (he's a green freak) but is never actually seen in his riding doing anything positive for us. Last election he promised us that we would get a LRT stop at 40th Ave, he hasn't mentioned it since, typical lefty, promise the world, then ignore the voters.

I know I am harping about the mosquitoes, but they are emptying our wonderful parks because you don't dare walk anywhere in Edmonton anymore, if not in fear of your personal safely, it's because the mosquitoes will eat you alive. All we hear is that they are monitoring the traps to see if we have a problem. I say step outside for a minute and you will have the answer. How bad is it?

According to City of Edmonton data, the total mosquito trap count took a giant leap from 492 mosquitoes caught on July 5 to 7,927 on July 12.

 Houston, we have a problem! No kidding mayor. They cut the budget by $200,000, but found millions to build an arts gallery. I have lived in Edmonton for over 30 years and have never visited the arts gallery. I have visited the museum, the zoo, Fort Edmonton park and frequently flew out of the now defunct municipal airport, but never wanted or desired to visit the arts gallery, but my taxes have now paid for that waste of space.

Mayor Mandel and his merry band of lefties had better get their heads out of our butts and start actually serving the taxpayers of this city instead of building condos for artists. Get your priorities straight mayor. Oh, and could we please get the "Klondike Days" back, because Capital Ex is just stupid and meaningless.

Friday Night Funnies: Hanging Baskets

Housework was a woman's job, but one evening, Janice arrived home from work to find the children bathed, one load of laundry in the washer and another in the dryer. Dinner was on the stove, and the table set. She was astonished!

It turns out that Frank had read an article that said, 'Wives who work full-time and have to do their own housework were too tired to have sex'.

The night went very well. The next day, Janice told her Red Hat friends all about it. 'We had a great dinner. Frank even cleaned up the kitchen. He helped the kids do their homework, folded all the laundry and put it away. I really enjoyed the evening.'

'But what about afterward?' asked her friends.

'Oh, that.......... Frank was too tired.'
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Nine Phrases Women Use:


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PARAPROSDOKIANS
I had to look up "paraprosdokian". Here is the definition: "Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation." "Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of paraprosdokian.

Ok, so now enjoy!

1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

18. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

19. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

20. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

21. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

22. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

23. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

24. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

25. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

26. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

27. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.

28. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.

29. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

 Words of Wisdom "The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
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Everyone  concentrates on the problems we're having in Our Country lately:
   Illegal  immigration, hurricane recovery, alligators attacking people in Florida   ...
  
Not  me -- I concentrate on solutions for the problems -- it's a  win-win situation. 
     
* Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border.
* Send the dirt to New  Orleans to raise the level of the levees.
* Put the Florida alligators in the moat along the Mexican border. 
             
Any other problems you would like for me to solve today? 
    
Think about this:
1.  Cows
2.  The Constitution 
3.  The Ten Commandments 
      
COWS: is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the state of Washington?  And, they tracked her calves to their stalls.  But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country.  Maybe we should give each of them a cow.

THE  CONSTITUTION:
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq ...
Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys.
It worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.

THE  10 COMMANDMENTS:
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is:
You cannot post:
'Thou Shalt Not Steal' 'Thou  Shalt Not Commit Adultery' and 'Thou Shall Not Lie'
in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians.
It creates a hostile work environment.
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A teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date
with this see-through blouse on and no bra.
Her grandmother just pitched a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that!
The teenager tells her
'Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rose buds show!'   And out she goes.
The next day the teenager comes down stairs,
And the grandmother is sitting there with no top on.
The teenager wants to die.
She explains to her grandmother That she has friends coming over
And that it is just not appropriate...
The grandmother says, 'Loosen up, Sweetie.
If you can show off your rose buds,
Then I can display my hanging baskets.
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5 Minute Management Course

Lesson 1 :

A priest offered a Nun a lift...

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.....

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.   The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way..

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.  It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 2 :

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.  The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'

'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk..  'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world..'  Poof! She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in  Hawaii   , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas, and the love of my life.'  Poof! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.  The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'

Moral of the story: 
Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 3

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'  The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 4

A turkey was chatting with a bull.  'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'

'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull.  It's full of nutrients.'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch..

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there...

Lesson 5

A little bird was flying south for the winter.  It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.  A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. ..

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

 Moral of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut! 
---------------------------------------
 Well the church throw my cookies out of the bake sale, again:

While conducting some business at the Court House, I overheard a
lady, who had been arrested for assaulting a Mammogram Technician, say,
"Your Honor, I'm guilty but.....there were extenuating circumstances."
The female Judge said, sarcastically, "I'd certainly like to hear those extenuating circumstances."
I did too so, I listened as the lady told her story.

       "Your Honor, I had a mammogram appointment, which I actually kept. I was met by this perky
little clipboard carrier smiling from ear to ear and she tilted her head to one side and crooned, "Hi! I'm
Belinda! All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?"

       I'm thinking, "Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science."
       Belinda then skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.

With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said,
"Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?"  "Fine," I answered.

I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck to finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other breast wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when I heard and felt a zap!

       Complete darkness, the power was off!

       Belinda said, "Uh-oh, maintenance is working, bet they hit a snag." Then she headed for the door.

       "Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are you?" I shouted.

       Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy...the door's
wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back."

       Before I could shout NOOOO! She disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl,
"maintenance men Extraordinaire" found me...half-naked with part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the
other part smashed between glass.

After exchanging a polite Hi, how's it going type greeting,
Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off.

Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much
calmness as possible, "Uh, yes, I did but thanks anyway."

"OK, you take care now" Bubba replied and waved good-bye as
though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin.
Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, "Oh I am
sooo sorry! The power came back on and I totally forgot about you!  And
silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?"

And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps...."

The judge could hardly contain her laughter as she said "Case Dismissed!
--------------------------------------------------
Last night, my kids and I were sitting in the living room and I said to                                 them,

'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine

and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.'

They got up, unplugged the Computer, and threw out my wine.

They are SO on my shit list . ..
----------------------------------------------------
Have a great weekend. I have stopped building the ark on the report of slivers of sun due to trickle down on our heads tomorrow. Sigh. 

CTV Hating The Oil Sands, Who Could Have Guessed?

CTV reported that Whooping Cranes fly through the oilsands. Get that? The oilsands are on their flight plan to the protected Wood Buffalo National Park. Not that they land in the tailings ponds, or that they have been found to get killed by briefly landing near the oilsands development. They publish a one sided article that fear mongers the fact that they fly by the oilsands.

EDMONTON — Environmentalists are concerned the Alberta government isn't doing enough to protect whooping cranes from oilsands development, as new data shows the iconic endangered species continues to migrate through the increasingly industrialized region.
"Whooping cranes need to be given their due consideration and we haven't seen that to date," said Peter Lee of Global Forest Watch, which issued a new report Sunday that combined information on the birds' migration paths with the location of oilsands facilities.

Bad, bad oilsands, as usual. Can anyone find an article from the CTV that is positive about the oilsands? Thought not.

What really shows their biased reporting is the fact that they NEVER mention the fact that Whooping Cranes are in even greater peril because of all the wind farms that are directly in their flight path. They were either too lazy to research the article properly, or they just plain hate the oilsands and want to fear monger.

"We would hate to see any collisions with whooping cranes," said Laurie Jodziewicz, the association's manager of siting policy. "It would be very distressing for everybody."
But Jodziewicz said the wind industry will continue to grow in the crane's migration corridor and should not be subject to regulations that don't apply to other industries.
Industry reluctant to change
"It's a very windy area," she said. "We certainly want to work toward minimizing impacts, but there is a real driver behind wind energy, which is the need for clean, renewable electricity.

Aren't wind turbines known as bird choppers? Funny how when it is wind turbines, environmentalists are fine with whooping cranes flying into the chopping blades, and further developing the wind turbines, but when it comes to whooping cranes "flying over" the oilsands, hysteria ensues.

Shame on CTV for providing such a unbalanced article, fawning over everything eco-weenies say, without checking facts. Okay CTV, we understand that you hate anything from Alberta, especially us Conservatives, but that was a really lame and poorly researched article. I want to see an article that praises how the oilsands are driving the Canadian economy, and therefore providing jobs for all who dare to come here, to Conservative Alberta.

Stupid Bugger Didn't Look Both Ways Before Crossing!

Obviously his Mom and Dad didn't tell him to look both ways before crossing the street, because the poor little guy ended up as road kill, unceremoniously picked over by the dreaded magpies and crows. We had a love/hate relationship going, and now I'm at a loss.

We had an agreement. I would leave him out some peanuts, and he would leave my petunias alone. It worked out fine in the winter, HA. This summer he had been reneging on the agreement, and eating both the peanuts and my petunias. Now his end has come.

Much as I yelled at him when he was eating my petunias, it was never loud enough to scare him off.

We always seemed to have the camera handy when he showed up, ready to click the best shot of him we could, because even though he was irritating, he was cute and entertaining. Now he is gone.

Stupid little bugger, he forgot to stop, look and listen! Fortunately or unfortunately, his replacement has arrived and is knocking on the patio door looking for peanuts.

Moral of the story?

Life is short, enjoy every day?
The grass is not always greener on the other side?
A peanut in hand is better than a petunia in the basket?

P.S. It was a squirrel, not sure it was "our" funny little pest!

Mosquitoes Good, Knives Bad!

Here in Edmonton, our far left mayor and councilors cut the mosquito fighting budget by $200,000 and stopped spraying dandelions because they are not poisonous. I can live with not spraying dandelions, but we are being eaten alive here for no other reason than the greenies on our council are out of control. My guy, Iveson, is the biggest greenie of them all. We can't idle our cars in minus 30 weather because of him, students at university have to pay over $200 a term for those students who ride the transit, even if they themselves don't use the transit, and now we can't spray for mosquitoes or dandelions because it will hurt our environment!

We have to spray DEET on our bodies to ward off the mosquitoes, is that not bad for us humans? Do you really think that plants care about the chemicals that only kill the mosquitoes? I want Iveson to take a walk in the park, without spraying himself with ANY chemicals, and see how enjoyable the experience is for him, maybe he should take his family too. Even our dog can't go outside without being swarmed by these bloodsuckers. I especially hate when they fly up your nose. I hope no-one gets the west nile virus from all those mosquitoes because of bad decisions from our city council. Tourists are not going to be impressed by our murder/mosquito city no matter how many arts museums mayor Mandel builds. 

If that isn't bad enough, our far left mayor wants a ban on knives! We all know how well the ban on long guns worked, so let's just ban carrying knives as well. Edmonton is now the murder capital of Canada and of course the politicians need to appear to be doing something, so we get a ban on knives. Stupidity in the extreme. Our new police chief is in full agreement with Mandel, I had hoped for more from the new police chief, but it appears that he is already pandering to the mayor.

My husband pointed out today that we never see the police ticketing anyone anymore, and Edmonton drivers are the worst in Canada, another feather in our cap. As a matter of fact, we just never see the police. Crime is down the lefties shout every time the Conservative government talks about more money for building jails. I say, build more, convict more, and send more greenies to those jails for deception and fraud perpetrated on the public! Australians are learning this lesson the hard way. They now have to live with a carbon tax that will do nothing to help solve actual pollution.

Friday Night Funnies: Disappearing Car.

THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license.
She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. 'What does it look like?' she finally asked.

The policewoman replied, 'It's rectangular and it has your picture on it.'

The driver finally found a rectangular mirror in her purse, looked at it, and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go, I didn't realize you were a cop.
-----------------------------------------------

-----------------------------------------------
Don't ever park illegally in England, no matter what the reason!

----------------------------------------------
 They sent my Census form back!!

In answer to the question, 'Do you have any dependents?',

I put .......
                 '12 million illegal immigrants, crack heads, unemployable *%&**!, the cast of The Jerry Springer Show, 140,000 people in our 133 penal establishments in California, leftovers from Katrina, half of Mexico, Some of the Congress, most of the Senate and a Muslim President!'
.................. Apparently this wasn't an acceptable answer
---------------------------------------------
WOMEN

A real woman is a man's best friend.
She will never stand him up and never let him down.
She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day.
She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do;
to live without fear and forget regret.
She will enable him to express his deepest emotions,
and give in to his most intimate desires.
She will make sure he always feels as though he's the most
handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident,
sexy, seductive and invincible...

No wait...Sorry...

I'm thinking of whiskey. It's whiskey that does all that shit.

Never mind.
---------------------------------------------
This is worth the wait is you don't have hi-speed internet!


---------------------------------------------
Have a great weekend! So far we have rain, then mosquitoes, then more rain, REPEAT!

Libby, Libby, Libby, Where Are You?

I hear she is in France praising the idiots on a flotilla to Gaza. Maybe she should stop her tour of France and head to North Korea where it appears the people really need that food being sent to the people of Gaza, who appear not to really need it!

Libby will not let facts get in her way, and protesting in France is easy, she isn't going to get arrested and thrown in jail to disappear for life.

I want to see her and her partner go to North Korea to help all the people who are really starving. That would take guts. If she is too scared to do that, maybe she could go to China and protest their coal fired generators that spew massive amounts of CO2 into the air. Or she could go to Saudi Arabia and protest that women can't drive cars there. So many issues, so little guts, such anti-Israel bias.

I respect people who get up on a soap box and spout their views. That is what free speech is about, the ability to say what you want to whomever will listen. What I do not respect is people who distort the facts of a situation for their own gain. The people on the "Canadian" flotilla are being dishonest by pretending it's about "aid" to Gaza. They are deliberately making it more difficult for the people of Israel to survive, while the people of Gaza thrive. They are dishonest and they know it, but they have an agenda and their little black hearts beat faster with the thrill of righteous defense of their cause of the day. They are sad people who are not happy with their own lives, so they try to make everyone as miserable as they are.  

I feel sorry for them.

MP's Back Home, Don't Leave Them Guessing!

Your MP's are back home and supposedly ready to hear from you, so don't let them down. Call up your MP and ask about things like the human rights commissions, the gun registry, the Canadian wheat board, and my favorite, the CBC.

Now that the Conservatives have a majority, like them know what you expect. We voted with our hearts, now it's time to hold them to delivering what we want. So far, they are talking but not delivering. I am willing to wait until September when Parliament resumes to see what they are up to, but so far, I have not been impressed.

Invite your MP to your community barbeque, see if he/she comes, even for a few minutes, if they don't, you better see them on TV giving a rousing speech to hundreds of people. They are here to represent you, the voter, not to live large on their salaries while ignoring you.

My MP has come to our community party a few times, but according to the party organizer, he is busy this year. I can understand that, what I can not understand is that he did not personally phone her to tell her he couldn't make it, his secretary phoned instead.

I am worried that since the Conservatives have gained their wished for majority, they are now forgetting their "reform" roots, and are acting like liberals. Let them know what you expect, it was the loud "reformers" who got them in touch with the voters, but many Conservative boards have now been taken over by "conservatives" because being Liberal isn't working for them. It's time we looked at the makeup of those boards an make sure that "reformers" still have a voice.

To my MP, if you read this, at least call Vera to apologize for not being able to attend the barbeque, don't let your secretary be your voice. All Conservatives need to hold their MP's to account, let them know what you want to see happen for the next 4 years, don't leave them guessing!

Friday Night Funnies: Where Is My Sunday Paper?

First off, Happy Canada Day! I loved watching Will and Kate celebrate Canada Day with us. They are the path to the future, may they lead with enthusiasm, energy, and intelligence.  Now, to the fun stuff:


------------------------------------------------
The Law of Physics States it's easier to get up at 6:00 AM to play golf, then at 10:00 mow the lawn.

   o   A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfer from giving up the game.

   o   A good golf partner is one who's always slightly worse than you are. That's why I get so many calls to play with friends.

   o   A pro-shop gets its name from the fact that you have to have the income of a professional golfer to buy anything in there.

   o   If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, he probably shot an eight (or worse).

   o   It takes longer to learn good golf than it does to become a brain surgeon. On the other hand, you don't get to ride around on a cart, drink beer, eat hot dogs, and fart if you are performing brain surgery.
-------------------------------------------------

------------------------------------------------
"WHERE is my SUNDAY paper?!"

The irate customer calling the newspaper office, loudly demanded to know where her Sunday edition was.

"Madam", said the newspaper employee, "today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on SUNDAY".

There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition as she was heard to mutter...

"Well, shit, that explains why no one was at church either.
------------------------------------------------------

------------------------------------------------------
A Ukrainian walked into a bank in Toronto and asked for the loan officer.
He told the loan officer that he was going to Kiev on business for two weeks
and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor at the bank.

The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the
loan; so the Ukrainian handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was
parked on the street in front of the bank.

The Ukrainian produced the title for the car, and everything checked out.
The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized
for having to charge 12% interest.

Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the
Ukrainian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan. An
employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's underground
garage and parked it.

Two weeks later, the Ukrainian returned and repaid the $5,000 and interest
of $23.07. The loan officer said, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your
business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little
puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are
a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is: Why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The Ukrainian replied, "Where else in Toronto can I park my car for two weeks
for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?"

Ah, the Ukrainians... See! Kielbasa & Vodka is good for the brain.
------------------------------------------------

Weiner Limerick...

There once was a pervert named Weiner
Who had a perverted demeanor
Forced from the Hill
For acting like Bill
Now Congress is one weiner leaner
----------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------
 Hope you had a great Canada Day! I will be watching Will and Kate for the next 8 days interact with Canadians. They are adorable.

The Attack Of The Lefties....

We knew it was coming! Poor things, their funding is getting cut and they might have to actually get support from their friends, heaven forbid if a corporation offers them support.

This ninny should be happy with all the media attention she is getting because I had never heard of her before, and I don't want to promote her in anyway, but you have to watch her "performance" to get a sense of her "art", which has cost us taxpayers over a MILLION bucks so far. That is what I object to, our hard earned dollars going towards this garbage, oops, I mean "art"!

The interview.

The "artist".

I took modern dance in university, easy credits, no studying. I did not expect to make a career out of it, but I bet I could do just as good as Margie, without any tax dollars!

Expect more protests by lefties in the next 4 years. I hope every time they protest, their funding gets cut. I love to hear lefty whining. Margie could not explain why she deserved 1.2 MILLION dollars from taxpayers. By her protest, she sure shows that she expects us to support her in the style she is accustomed to, no going out and finding a sponsor for herself, that would be demeaning.

It actually makes me sick that a no-name talentless lefty like her gets 1.2 million in funding while deserving charities go begging. Dogs with Wings trains wonderful dogs to help disabled people and they get ZERO funding from the federal government. Hundreds of assistance dogs could be provided to disabled people with 1.2 million dollars. I thought lefties were interested in providing a better life for the people who can not provide for themselves. Hypocrites.

This prima donna wants her government funding even though she has no talent. She is not interested in helping the underprivileged. She is in it for herself. I want her to get all her 4,200 lefty buddies to send cheques to an organization like Dogs with Wings. I might respect her then, but she would never do that because it would take the ability to care for someone other than herself for that to happen. She's too egotistical to care for anyone but herself.

Expect other lefties to protest Sun News and our government because I smell more funding cuts coming, and that makes me happy. I am tired of my tax dollars automatically going to organizations that only help themselves.

Life Gets In The Way Sometimes!

Sorry for not posting everyday like I usually do, but life gets in the way sometimes. Our search for a greyhound continues, my heart needs to say yes when I see the dog. The adoption of a dog is one that must be right for everyone in the family, as the dog will be with us hopefully for 10 to 12 years. Our Dogs With Wings girl will be leaving us at the end of July, so we have some time yet.

We have also been busy with graduations, my youngest graduated from grade nine, thankfully boys don't need $300 garments for a 2 hour graduation! We just went to my other sons grade 12 graduation. I am so proud of both boys! I am really excited that my oldest is going to NAIT (Northern Alberta Institute of Technology) in September, he has been accepted into media design and IT, he will be designing games.

I also have been involved in a very special gardening project. It's always rewarding to garden and grow vegetables for those who need nutrition the most. To bad the lefties talk a big game about helping the most needy, but they are nowhere to be seen actually helping the people they pretend to care for so much! Hypocrites!

Life can sometimes get really busy. All I want to do is lie out in the sun and read a good book, ........... maybe tomorrow.

Is A Dynasty About To Tumble?

Alberta politics can be boring, we elect the PC's election after election with majorities. It has been a good thing for Alberta. We are debt free and have no provincial sales tax, so we pay 5% GST and that's it. My Mom was complaining about the 12% HST and the 9% Carbon tax they pay in BC. That carbon tax doesn't go towards actually reducing CO2 or anything stupid like that, it goes into the provincial governments general revenues, to be used however the government wants. They should be having a referendum on the carbon tax, not the HST. The carbon tax is a fake tax designed to suck more money out of taxpayers to the benefit of the government coffers.

Back in Alberta, the politics are heating up. It looks like Wild Rose is gaining momentum and knocking on the PC door. Stelmach retired but is hanging on until the PC leadership race is complete. This is damaging the PC's. Last leadership election, I was hoping for Morton, now, I really don't care who the PC's elect, it will make no difference.

I am switching my vote to the Wild Rose. The PC's are stale, think they are entitled to rule Alberta, and are arrogant like liberals. The Wild Rose at least appear to be actual Conservatives. Is a dynasty about to tumble? I say, yes.

Friday Night Funnies: Husband Day Care

Norwegian Lottery;

Ole and Sven were waiting at the bus stop when a truck

went past loaded up with rolls of sod.

Ole said, “I’m gonna do dat when I win da lottery.”

“What's dat, den?” asks Sven.

“Send my lawn away to be mowed."
---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Miami, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:

"Are you the owner?"

The pharmacist answers, "Yes."

Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"

Pharmacist: "Of course, we do."

Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"

Pharmacist: "All kinds."

Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"

Pharmacist: "Definitely."

Jacob: "How about suppositories?"

Pharmacist: "You bet!"

Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis and Alzheimer's?"

Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The Works."

Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"

Pharmacist: "Absolutely."

Jacob: "Everything for heartburn and indigestion?"

Pharmacist: "We sure do."

Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?"

Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."

Jacob: "Adult diapers?"

Pharmacist: "Sure."

Jacob: "We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry."
---------------------------------------------------
The one housing market that is growing:

--------------------------------------------------

--------------------------------------------------
ABCDEFGHIJK

After being married for thirty years....a wife asked her husband to describe her.

He looked at her slowly...then said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."
She asks..... "What does that mean?"

He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot.
She smiled happily and said...."Oh, that's so lovely..... What about  I, J, K?"

He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"
His eye is still swollen....but it will get better.............
-----------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------
Thanks to social media coverage of the Stanley Cup riots, the Vancouver

Police Department has been able to identify many of the rioting suspects.

They are looking for 537 guys named Burrows, 931 named Kesler, 1768

named Sedin, and 2671 named Luongo.
-----------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------


One TRAIN TICKET

Three women and three men are traveling by train to the football match.

At the station, the three men each buy a ticket and watch as the three women buy just one ticket.

'How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?' asks one of the men.

'Watch and learn,' answers one of the women.

They all board the train. The three men take their respective seats but all three women cram into a toilet together and close the door.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets.

He knocks on the toilet door and says, 'Ticket, please.. The door opens just a crack, and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand.   The conductor takes it and moves on.

The men see this happen and agree it was quite a clever idea; so, after the game, they decide to do the same thing on the return trip and save some money.

When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip but see, to their astonishment, that the three women don't buy any ticket at all!!

'How are you going to travel without a ticket?' says one perplexed man.

'Watch and learn,' answer the women.

When they board the train, the three men cram themselves into a toilet, and the three women cram into another toilet just down the way.

Shortly after the train is on its way, one of the women leaves her toilet and walks over to the toilet in which the men are hiding.

The woman knocks on their door and says, 'Ticket, please.'

I'm still trying to figure out why men ever think they are smarter than women.
-------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------
SMART ASS
Two young businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store in the shopping mall. As yet, the store wasn't ready,with only a few shelves and display racks set up.

One said to the other, "I'll bet that any minute now some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling."

Sure enough, just a moment later, a curious senior gentleman walked up to the window, looked around intensely and rapped on the glass, then in a loud voice asked, "What are you sellin' here?"

One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling ass-holes."
Without skipping a beat, the oldtimer said, "You must be doing well. Only two left."
Seniors -- don't mess with them. They didn't get old by being stupid!
 --------------------------------------------------
Have a great weekend! We are trying to put in a new patio, but the rain is stalling progress. At least I have my wood work to do on rainy days. I am seriously ticked with the weather guys who predicted a hot DRY summer.

No "Right" To Opt Out!

How is it that the Greek people don't understand that their country is broke? Iceland understood it and forced their government to NOT bail out the banks. Their economy is picking up again, so short term pain led to long term gains.

Greece is only the first in serious trouble, Ireland, Portugal, and Spain are next. New Zealand went through this years ago and they recovered by selling off state assets, changing their health system, and getting rid of subsidies to farmers and businesses. What the Greeks fail to understand is that no-one is willing to buy their bonds anymore.

“After all, the scale of Greece’s problems means that markets may be reluctant to lend to Greece after the second bail-out package expires. What’s more, given the widespread opposition to the additional austerity measures, there remains a risk that the Greek government might eventually choose to default, regardless of whether a bailout package is in place.”

At some point, Germany is going to stop propping up these EU nations and start saving itself. If you have a mortgage and can't make the payments, sooner or later someone is going to come and boot you out onto the street, and everything will be lost. Greece should start packing its bags.

I guess we should look at Canada and see how the greedy unions are acting the same as the Greek people, expecting the government to bow down to their demands. At some point, the goodies have got to end, and the socialists just don't understand why. The NDP wants the postal strike to continue. So far it hasn't impacted our family except for fewer flyers. It is however impacting businesses big time, but it appears that the NDP would prefer to support unions over businesses. Why am I shocked?

Unions take dues from people who have no "right" to opt out. If that isn't communism/socialism, I'm not sure what would qualify.  Unions can even force members to donate to the political party that they dictate to be, the one to vote for. Unions could use the money they appropriate from their members to fund pensions, but that would put the onus on them to succeed, and that is simply beyond them.  

Where Is This? Help Me Find Out!

Last week, you helped me identify that strange bug as a hummingbird moth, now this week, I need you to identify where these pictures might be from. Why is it important to identify where the pictures are from? Because, the media will not show you these pictures, it does not fit into their agenda.

Looks like a beautiful peaceful place to me. So, where on earth could it be?? You tell me. Hint: the media likes to report on it like this:

Rain, Rain, and even more Rain!

I can't concentrate on politics when the weather is so very bad. We wait all winter for summer, for the heat, for the growing of vegetables and then we get smacked by Mother Nature with enough rain that I am considering building an ark.

The econuts can scream "global warming", "climate change" all they want, but when it comes down to day by day weather, they always get it wrong.  Just like the NDP are wrong headed.

Maybe the NDP should drop "socialist" from their mandate and go with "global warning, anti-Israel, union supporting" as their mantra. They are abrasive, rude and out of touch with Canadians. Jack and Olivia can move up, but that doesn't make them classy.

My husband made a really important statement today. He said that the Conservatives have got to get tough. He wants no more talk about the gun registry, he wants it gone. He wants the Conservatives to stop being wimps, and start implementing the agenda he voted for, he wants changes, not promises.

I agree that the Conservatives have got to show leadership, and they have to be Conservative, not liberal lite. Privatize the CBC, get rid of the gun registry, give western farmers choice by de-funding the CWB, and most importantly, get rid of the human rights commissions. 

My husband is a fair weather voter, more liberal than conservative, so when he calls for tough measures, it is time for the Conservatives to listen.