Friday Night Funnies: Zonkey!

 WORLD'S EASIEST QUIZ!

(Passing requires only 3 correct answers out of 10!)


Only total "thicko's" will fail !!

1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last ?

2) Which country makes Panama hats ?

3) From which animal do we get cat gut ?

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution ?

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of ?

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal ?

7) What was King George VI's first name ?

8) What color is a purple finch ?

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from ?

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane ?

Remember, you need only 3 correct answers to pass.
Check your answers at the end of this post...
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And, speaking of exams......

THE FINAL EXAM. . .teachers are going to love this one!!

At the U of A, there were four sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an 'A' so far. These four friends were so confident that, the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to the university until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor why they missed it. They said that they visited friends but on the way back they had a flat tire. As a result, they missed the final. The professor agreed they could make up the final the next day. . . The guys were excited and relieved. . . They studied that night for the exam.

The next day the Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet. They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points. Cool, they thought! Each one in separate rooms, thinking this was going to be easy. . . . then they turned the page. On the second page was written. . .

For 95 points:        Which tire? _________
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 Subject: The Golfer and the Hitman

Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local
golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them, 'Do you mind if
I join you? My partner didn't turn up.'

'Sure,' they said, 'You're welcome.' So they started playing and enjoyed the
game and the company of the newcomer.

Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, 'What do
you do for a living?'
'I'm a hit man,' was the reply.
'You're joking!' was the response.
'No, I'm not,' he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a
beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight. 'Here are my
tools.'
'That's a beautiful telescopic sight,' said the other friend, 'Can I take a
look? I think I might be able to see my house from here.' So he picked up the
rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house.
'Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right
in the window.' 'Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom... Ha Ha, I can see
she's naked!! Wait a minute, that's my neighbor in there with her... He's
naked, too!!!
He turned to the hit man, 'How much do you charge for a hit?'
'I'll do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the
trigger.'
'Can you do two for me now?'
'Sure, what do you want?'
'First, shoot my wife, she's always mouthing off, so shoot her in the mouth.'
'Then the neighbor, he's a friend of mine, so just shoot his dick off to teach
him a lesson.'
The hit man took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few
minutes.
'Are you going to do it or not?' said the friend impatiently.
'Just be patient,' said the hit man calmly, 'I think I can save you a grand
here...'
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Sleeping around....it's always the kids that pay!

His name is Zonkey!
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Hypnotism at the Senior Center

It was entertainment night at the Senior Center. Claude the hypnotist
exclaimed: 'I'm here to put you all into a trance. I intend to hypnotize
each and every member of the audience.'

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique
pocket watch from his coat. The polished metal gleamed in the light.

Claude the hypnotist said: 'I want you each to keep your eyes on this
antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six
generations.'

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting,
'Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch.'

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light
shimmering off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the
swaying watch until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and
fell to the floor, shattering into a hundred pieces.

'SHIT!' said the hypnotist.

It took 3 days to clean up the Senior Center.
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 Speaking of shitty things.....


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The Cherokee County Sheriff Department reported finding a man's body last Saturday in the Spring River near the Empire Electric Plant. The dead man's name would not be released until his family had been notified.

The victim apparently drowned due to excessive beer consumption
while visiting "someone" in nearby Riverton , KS .

He was wearing black fishnet stockings, a red garter belt, a pink
G-string, purple lipstick, and an Obama T-shirt.

The police removed the Obama T-shirt to spare his family any
unnecessary embarrassment.

Proof that the police do care.
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 Subject: Acetaminophen

Example, the trade name is Tylenol and! it's generic name is Acetaminophen.. Aleve is also called Naproxen.  
 
Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.    

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.  
  
After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin.  
Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.    
 
Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer..
It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.
 
Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'.  
  
Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.    
  
Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research.  
 
This means that by 2020, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
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 For your silly time wasting enjoyment, how long are you going to live? I'm going to live to ripe old age of 91.5.....not sure if I will know who I am by then, but oh well, you only live once!

Calculate your life expectancy! 

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Enjoy your weekend. Taking my oldest to the NAIT open house, maybe he will find something to interest him there! Oh, right those answers to the easy quiz (remember you only need 3 right).......

ANSWERS 

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?   116 years

2) What country makes Panama hats?  Ecuador

3) From which animal do we get cat gut ?  Sheep and Horses

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution ?  November

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of ?  Squirrel fur

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal ?  Dogs

7) What was King George VI's first name ?  Albert

8) What color is a purple finch ?  Crimson

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from ?  New Zealand

10) What is the color of the 'black box' in a commercial airplane ?  Orange (of course!)


What do you mean, you failed? !!
Me, too ... !!!
( And if you try to tell me you passed, you LIE !!! )

Pass this on to some "brilliant" friends.

Eco Slap Down, Aliens And Halloween! RADICAL!

No, this is not the Friday Night Funnies, but it should be! Stick with me now, it will all make perfect sense to someone out there! HA!

The start, the chickens are coming home to roost:

Lawrence Solomon: Global warming propagandist slapped down

William Connolley, arguably the world’s most influential global warming advocate after Al Gore, has lost his bully pulpit. Connolley did not wield his influence by the quality of his research or the force of his argument but through his administrative position at Wikipedia, the most popular reference source on the planet.

Through his position, Connolley for years kept dissenting views on global warming out of Wikipedia, allowing only those that promoted the view that global warming represented a threat to mankind. As a result, Wikipedia became a leading source of global warming propaganda, with Connolley its chief propagandist.

His career as a global warming propagandist has now been stopped, following a unanimous verdict that came down today through an arbitration proceeding conducted by Wikipedia. In the decision, a slap-down for the once-powerful Connolley by his peers, he has been barred from participating in any article, discussion or forum dealing with global warming. In addition, because he rewrote biographies of scientists and others he disagreed with, to either belittle their accomplishments or make them appear to be frauds, Wikipedia barred him — again unanimously — from editing biographies of those in the climate change field.

Then we get this, the guy is a serial repressive:

Wikipedia climate revisionism by William Connolley continues

Apparently Wikipedia’s own attempt at self policing problem editors isn’t working. Despite being up for a restriction or a ban, rogue Wiki editor (and Real Climate co-founder) William Connolley is still removing anything he doesn’t like when it comes to climate science. This time it’s wholesale removal of any reference to the American Physical Society resignation letter of physicist Hal Lewis, who resigned over the APS global warming position:

Which leads to this example of where the whole CO2 is dangerous shtick leads...into the twilight zone:

Retired NORAD Officer's New Book Predicts a Tentative Worldwide UFO Display on October 13, 2010

A newly-published book by a retired NORAD officer predicts October 13, 2010 as the tentative date for a fleet of extraterrestrial vehicles to hover for hours over the earth's principal cities. Author says the event to be the first in a series intended to avert a planetary catastrophe resulting from increasing levels of carbon-dioxide in the earth's atmosphere dangerously approaching a "critical mass."

And finally, I think this shows where greenies are heading with their CO2 is evil propaganda:

Moose Jaw Halloween fundraiser cancelled for ‘inviting evil’

It was not long after sending out the fall issue of its newsletter announcing a Halloween fundraiser that the Western Development Museum in Moose Jaw started receiving complaints; pastors came to the museum in person, emails and phone calls rolled in and concerns from church groups and community members were expressed to politicians saying the planned seance and ghost walk was “inviting evil” into the community.

Is there a full moon coming up? Environmentalism is now a religion. Or should I say that RADICAL environmentalists are to blame for climate change scare tactics, so I don't get into trouble? It seems that as long as you put RADICAL in front of whatever group you are talking about, it becomes politically acceptable these days. So, I'm not blaming ALL environmentalists for climate fraud, just the RADICAL ones! Now, you decide who are the RADICALS, and who aren't!

When environmentalists try to change the facts or restrict them, they become as bad as those fringe religions with total nutcakes as their "ministers". Halloween, aliens and environmentalists are now a perfect match, and environmentalists did it to themselves. They have lost all credibility, and their cause is a big failure. Too bad, if they would have stuck with REAL pollution of our air, land and water, we would still be with them, but they couldn't help jumping the shark!

Dictators 1 Canada 0

I am very disappointed that Canada did not get a seat on the security council, not because I wanted us to, but because it shows how regressive the UN has become. What started out as an excellent idea for world peace has denigrated into a bunch of dictators and despots determining policy at the UN.

My lefty office mate laughed when I told him we had withdrawn, he actually laughed, that shows me the low level that lefties have stooped to. They are more interested in winning power, than supporting Canada. They prefer pandering to dictators and bringing Canada down, than actually supporting our government, elected by Canadians.

What no one seems to want to state as the real reason for Canada not getting a seat on the security council, is Canada's strong support of Israel. This would have been a serious problem to Iran, who is intent on getting nuclear weapons. We might have been the deciding vote to allow the bombing of Iran's nuclear facilities. The Muslim countries have a majority, Canada had no chance of winning. Why we even tried is beyond me.

What lefties fail to understand is that Conservatives would prefer a principled stand on the world stage, instead of the Liberal ass kissing of the past.

As far as I'm concerned, let's stop all foreign donations to dictatorships, if, as the lefties tell us, our foreign policy is so wrong, we need to stop aid. I'm sure the NDP will back up new plans to build low income housing with all that saved money!

Could the oil producing Muslim nations be trying to marginalize Canada for their own monetary gains? Are they funding our "green" groups like Sierra Club or Pembina? I don't know, but if we had any real journalists left in Canada, they might write a great article about it.

I asked my hubby about losing the security council spot, he looked at me, and asked if this was something he was supposed to know about. That will be the typical Canadian reaction.

What saddens me most is that the UN has been taken over by countries who think stoning a women to death is a religious obligation. That honour killings are a cultural obligation, and that female's can't go to school or even drive a car. The feminists are strangely silent on this oppression of woman's rights.

This loss for Canada points out how corrupt the UN has become. I say, get out and save taxpayers money.

Hug A Thug, I prefer Jail A Thug!

Funny how First Nations people can beat a man in Caladonia and nothing is done. But let a shop owner grab and hold a thief and it's not the thief who is charged it's the shop owner! This really disgusts me.

Our Liberal justice system is screwed up. The criminals are coddled, and the law abiding citizens are charged. If this is a case of making an example of a citizen who takes the law into his own hands, then I suggest as citizens that we carry weapons to protect ourselves, as the police are useless. It saddens me to no end that our police, people I used to look up to and respect, have become such political pawns.

Rex, let's them have it in this article. You go Rex!

I found myself thinking of that limited code, and the severity of its particular judgment, because of David Chen — the immigrant Chinese grocer who fell so painfully and bizarrely afoul of the law here in Toronto, and whose trial, fitfully, was undertaken this week.

All of Toronto and most of the country knows his story by now. How he spotted a chronic shoplifter-thief (on the thief’s second visit to his store in a single morning), chased him, caught him and threw him bound in a van while he (Chen) waited for the police to show up.

What followed had most of the country in a fit of anger and puzzlement when it got out. The police charged the young, hard labouring, non-thief, Mr. Chen — with kidnapping, forcible confinement, assault and carrying a dangerous weapon. (Chen was carrying boxcutters — a normal tool for a man who works in a grocery store.) Anyone with a still functioning mind who’s heard of this case cannot understand what the Toronto police and prosecutors were thinking when they laid this raft of original charges. Apparently outrage and mockery — I can’t think what else — led to the police dropping the kidnapping and “possession of boxcutter” charges, but they insisted on proceeding to trial on the other “offences.”

What a disgrace for our police and the prosecutor who should have dropped the charges outright. The expense for Mr. Chen in defending himself should be paid for by the police force that charged him, let it come out of their budget. My Canada does not include prosecuting innocent people, and letting the thugs go free. A more disgraceful display of how our justice system is broken has never been seen before. The Liberal "hug a thug" mentality is at work and thriving in Ontario. Funny how the First Nations people can get away with beating up an innocent man, but an innocent shopkeeper gets charged for apprehending a thief, and the thief walks free!

Hug a thug? I prefer Jail a thug!

Friday Night Funnies: Perfect Turkey

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NEW TURKEY RECIPE

Your dinner will be the talk of the TOWN!!
You should try this!
Sure to bring smiles from your guests!
Here is a new way to prepare your Thanksgiving Turkey.

1. Cut out aluminum foil in desired shapes.
2. Arrange the turkey in the roasting pan, position the foil carefully.? (see attached picture for details)
3. Roast according to your own recipe and serve.
4. Watch your guests' faces...

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How to correctly hold on in a moving train:

No, No, the older guy by the door!!!! I worry about you sometimes!
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SEE IF I GOT THIS RIGHT ...

IF YOU CROSS THE NORTH KOREAN BORDER
ILLEGALLY YOU GET 12 YEARS HARD LABOR.

IF YOU CROSS THE IRANIAN BORDER
ILLEGALLY YOU ARE DETAINED INDEFINITELY.

IF YOU CROSS THE AFGHAN BORDER
ILLEGALLY, YOU GET SHOT.

IF YOU CROSS THE SAUDI ARABIAN BORDER
ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE JAILED.

IF YOU CROSS THE CHINESE BORDER
ILLEGALLY YOU MAY NEVER BE HEARD FROM AGAIN.

IF YOU CROSS THE VENEZUELAN BORDER
ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE BRANDED A SPY AND YOUR FATE WILL BE SEALED.

IF YOU CROSS THE CUBAN BORDER ILLEGALLY
YOU WILL BE THROWN INTO POLITICAL PRISON TO ROT.

IF YOU CROSS THE U.S. BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET ...

A JOB (if you want one), A DRIVERS LICENSE,
SOCIAL SECURITY CARD,WELFARE,
FOOD STAMPS,CREDIT CARDS,
SUBSIDIZED RENT OR A LOAN TO BUY A HOUSE,
FREE EDUCATION,FREE HEALTH CARE,
A LOBBYIST IN WASHINGTON BILLIONS OF DOLLARS WORTH OF PUBLIC DOCUMENTS PRINTED IN YOUR LANGUAGE
THE RIGHT TO CARRY YOUR COUNTRY'S FLAG WHILE YOU
PROTEST THAT YOU DON'T GET ENOUGH RESPECT
AND, IN MANY INSTANCES, YOU CAN VOTE.

I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE I HAD A FIRM GRASP ON THE SITUATION!
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Pardon me but do you have a napkin?
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Why I'm divorced . . .
Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning..
I went downstairs for breakfast
hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,
'Happy Birthday!',
and possibly have a small present for me.
As it turned out,
she barely said good morning,
let alone
' Happy Birthday.'
I thought....
Well, that's marriage for you,
but the kids....
They will remember.
My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast
and didn't say a word..
So when I left for the office,
I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.
As I walked into my office,
my secretary Jane said,
'Good Morning Boss, and by the way
Happy Birthday ! '
It felt a little better
that at least someone had remembered.
I worked until one o'clock ,
when Jane knocked on my door
and said, 'You know,
It's such a beautiful day outside,
and it is your Birthday,
what do you say we go out to lunch,
just you and me..'
I said, 'Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing
I've heard all day. Let's go !'
We went to lunch.
But we didn't go where we normally would go.
She chose instead a quiet bistro
with a private table.
We had two martinis each
and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.
On the way back to the office,
Jane said, 'You know,
It's such a beautiful day...
We don't need to go straight back to the office,
Do We ?'
I responded, 'I guess not.
What do you have in mind ?'
She said,
'Let's drop by my apartment,
it's just around the corner..'
After arriving at her apartment,
Jane turned to me and said,
' Boss, if you don't mind,
I'm going to step into the bedroom
for just a moment.
I'll be right back.'
'Ok.' I nervously replied.
She went into the bedroom and,
after a couple of minutes,
she came out
carrying a huge birthday cake ...
Followed
by my wife, my kids,
and dozens of my friends
and co-workers,
all singing 'Happy Birthday'.
And I just sat there....
On the couch....

Naked.
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This is awesome....everybody cut loose!

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On that note, I end this Friday night funnies. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Liberals, Digging Up The Dead!

I find it interesting how the Liberals can always find some retired public servant to spout Liberal nonsense and they become an instant "expert" in the eyes of the MSM.

Take this guy for instance:

Retired assistant deputy minister of materials Alan Williams — an expert who is hard to dismiss — took the parliamentary stand on Wednesday afternoon to denounce the lack of competition for $9-billion worth of fighter jets as likely to squander billions of tax dollars and lost business opportunities. Mr. Williams warned Defence Minister Peter MacKay’s logic on the F-35 file is “flawed,” and he’s taking public positions that “insults our intelligence.”

This is no opposition cheap shot.

This comes from a 33-year public servant who signed the memorandum of understanding in 2002 committing Canada to $100-million in funding to develop the F-35 stealth fighter. He’s even written a book on the subject: Reinventing Canadian Defence Procurement: A View From The Inside.

WOW! The guy was the one who signed Canada up for the F-35, now he's saying he didn't really mean to spend 100 million on research only? Are you kidding me? And Don (I want to be a TV host) Martin called him an expert? Expert in wasting our money maybe. They dug this guy up from the dead, labeled him an "expert", and we are supposed to think that he never in 33 years signed a non-compete deal? Give me a break.

“In terms of the individual you are talking about, his advice was very different at the time that he was actually paid to give it,” sniffed Mr. Harper during a brief media chat in Winnipeg.

SNIFFED?? Seriously? Was Martin writing this from his favorite Liberal bar? Martin obviously thinks he is writing a romance novel where Williams is being rejected by Harper. This whole article is written with the intent by Martin to get that job hosting Powerplay on CTV and smearing our PM is the way to do it with those folks.

Confronted by an insider warning against the sole-sourced purchase of a fighter jet dubbed the Flying Credit Card, a furious Stephen Harper on Thursday chose to attack the whistle-blower — and warn against massive aerospace job losses if opponents continue “playing politics” with the lives of Canadian troops.

Furious and attack, all in one sentence, impressive. Now this guy is a "whistle-blower? The guy who signed the $100 million cheque for the F-35 in the first place? Are you kidding me? He's a whistle blower of what? What is he blowing the whistle on? Liberals misspending 100 million of our taxpayer money? Martin, get your head out of that bottle, stop listening only to Liberals, and start reporting the news, not making it up.

Martin, as an "expert" in watching TV news, I hate to break it to you, but your voice is too juvenile and you look like an elf, not the best attributes a political TV host can have, plus you are too much of a Liberal toady for even CTV. I sniffingly have to tell you, your dreams of a TV career are unrealistic. Funny how everyone was shocked that Duffy was a Conservative, that tells me that he was fair and balanced, not something I would ever accuse Martin of, try running in Alberta as a Liberal MP. Now that would be fun to see. In the meantime, leave the dead alone, they need their rest, and their opinions are irrelevant for today.

Shame on the National Post for printing this garbage article.

Canada Apologizes For Liberal Opposition!

Minister Cannon was forced to apologize for Iggy's lack of support of Canada. When Canada is going for a seat on the security council, the last thing they need is the opposition in Canada telling everyone that we don't deserve it. That is exactly what Iggy did.

UNITED NATIONS — Foreign Affairs Minister Lawrence Cannon issued a global appeal Wednesday for countries to ignore a claim by Liberal leader Michael Ignatieff that Canada doesn’t deserve a seat on the United Nations Security Council.

Addressing ambassadors from around the world in Ottawa, Mr. Cannon said Mr. Ignatieff had been “unable to put the interests of his country above the interests of his party.”

How sad the Liberals are, undermining Canada to pander to special interest groups for a few votes. They get so caught up in listening to the far left that they forget that they want to rule Canada, a sovereign nation. What they say and the Liberal media reports impacts ALL citizens of Canada. Do they just not care about Canada's image on the international stage because they are not the government? Either way, they show their contempt for Canada, the nation. You can bet that our Liberal media will be crowing in delight if Canada does not get the spot on the Security Council, and they will blame it all on the Conservatives, not Iggy. How sick are our lefties? They want Canada to fail.

Personally, I could care less if we get any seat on any committee at the UN. They are a corrupt organization that does nothing to save oppressed people. I would be perfectly happy is we quit paying our dues to the UN, and let the organization die.

Mr. Ignatieff provoked consternation, even among some members of his own party, when he last month asked Canadians to consider whether the country under a Conservative government had “earned” the right to what would be its seventh two-year council term since 1948.

I think Iggy forgot that he is Canadian and should be proud of the fact. He got so used to bashing Canada when he was on his 30 year tour, that he still thinks it's okay to do it now. It just slips out without him thinking about it, and then our government has to try to repair the damage. Iggy needs to understand that like it or not, the government the people chose was the Conservative party, and with only 70+ Liberals, they better be asking themselves if they have "earned" the right to get re-elected.

Sony Replies To My Email

Sony Strongly Condemns ‘No Pressure' Video

Reaffirms commitment to carbon emission reductions as key element of Sony's Global Environmental Plan ‘Road to Zero'

Sony today strongly condemned the release by 10:10, the climate change campaign group, of a video entitled 'No Pressure' that Sony considers to be ill-conceived and tasteless. The company also believes this video risks undermining the work of the many thousands of members of the public, schools and universities, local authorities and many businesses, of which Sony is one, who support the long-term aims of the 10:10 movement and are actively working towards the reduction of carbon emissions.

The short video, which was conceived, produced and released entirely without the knowledge or any involvement of Sony, violates the thoughtful and collaborative philosophy that Sony has consistently supported as we strive to become a responsible global citizen.

Whilst recognizing that 10:10 acted quickly to remove the video from its web site and has issued a public apology, Sony believes that it had no other option than to also condemn the video in the strongest possible terms and Sony is disassociating itself from 10:10 at this time.

Sony also wants to take this opportunity to reaffirm its commitment towards reducing carbon emissions, which is the primary aim of the 10:10 organisation, and confirmed that it is on track to reduce the carbon emissions from its sites by 30% by 2015, as part of its wider ‘Road to Zero' environmental plan. ‘Road to Zero' is an ambitious long-term strategy that seeks to achieve a zero environmental footprint throughout the lifecycle of Sony's products and business activities (see more at: http://www.sony.net/SonyInfo/csr/eco/RoadToZero/ ).

For more information contact:

Tony Smith

VP- Marketing Communications

Sony of Canada Ltd.

Tel: (416) 495-3707

Tony_Smith@sony.ca

Nick Sharples
Sony Europe
Tel: +44 (0)1932 81 6828/+44 7786 114 870 (mobile)
email: nick.sharples@eu.sony.com
http://www.sony-europe.com/
http://www.sony-europe.com/presscenter

Notice how they still want everyone to know that they are "green", just not "10:10 green". I guess exploding children made them shy away from those eco-nuts. Still not buying your products again, you are too "green" for me. This company is so intent on being "green" that they are spending shareholders money on useless projects like 10:10 which does nothing for the environment and raises the price of their product. I am not willing to pay the extra for that product just to feel like I am "green".

Companies need to be called on their "eco-behaviour", we need to tell them to stop drinking the koolaid and start providing us with a high quality product, without the "green". Funny how quickly Sony distanced themselves from the "greenies" when "we the people" emailed them to express our outrage. I'm starting to get the hang of this armchair protesting, it's effective, and I didn't even have to leave my house. Of course the lefties have known about this all along, it's time for us Conservative to get with the boycott program.

The Progressive Prospective...It's Ugly

Don't believe me? Let me enlighten you. First we have abortion, a very divisive issue, to kill or not to kill that is the question! Some think yes, some think no, but those who support killing actively suppress those who want to stop the slaughter, to the point of jailing those who would save the babies.



You can see how violent the anti-abortion protesters were. All they wanted to do was to bring the abortion debate into the light, but all those tough police officers stopped them from.......what? Displaying pictures of aborted babies? What is going on with this country? If university students can't be confronted with the truth about abortion, who can? I thought universities were the symbol of truth and discovery. My bad.

This is only the beginning. First they take over the universities then they go public with their distorted views on humanity.

Shorter Virginia Ironside: Most Adopted Kids Would Rather Be Dead, Anyway

According to author and columnist Virginia Ironside, most adopted kids would be better off dead. As would most children she considers “unfit.” In fact, she says, a “loving” mother would smother a sickly child with a pillow, because the “suffering” of being ill makes that life meaningless and not worth living. She made these vile assertions in defense of abortion while appearing on the BBC’s Sunday Morning Live during a discussion grossly entitled “Can abortion be a kindness?” First was her odious attempt to argue that abortion is a “loving choice” because some kids, in her mind, are unwanted. Her tunnel-visioned, sad excuse for a mind can’t seem to fathom that the children are always wanted by someone. You know, like people with hearts and compassion.
......
And I think that if I were a mother of a suffering child, I would be the first to want I mean a deeply suffering child I would be the first one to put a pillow over its head. I would with any suffering thing and I think the difference is that my feeling of horror suffering is many greater than my feeling of getting rid of a couple of cells because suffering can go on for years.

Go watch the videos of this disgusting "progressive". Seriously, you need to hear what she is saying.

In ancient Sparta, babies who were considered handicapped or in any way not perfectly healthy were exposed to the elements, left on a mountainside to die. Have to “purify” society and all! That was a long time ago and thankfully modern civilization has come a long way.

Modern civilization has come a long way? Sure, if you are a progressive, you have no problem with aborting perfectly viable babies because you might be inconvenienced and let's just use a pillow to get rid of handicapped babies, unless you are someone like Latimer, who did exactly what the "progressives" are calling for, he compassionately killed his 12 year old handicapped daughter, and the lefties went wild! He has spent more time in jail than some teens in Edmonton who took a golf club to a kid and killed him.

So, today, in this "enlightened" day, we have police arresting pro-life protesters, because the lefties can't stand the fact that killing babies is messy, and pictures might actually show just how messy it gets.

I applaud the pro-life students who took a stand today. It clearly shows that free speech is only free if you are a "progressive" and pro-death. Shame on this university, it just showed us all how sickening these institutes of higher learning have become. Reminds me of the U of Ottawa shutting down Ann Coulter, because they disagreed with her opinions.

Is there anyway that I can direct my tax dollars to only the universities I support? If they start losing tax dollars, they might start cluing into what their actual responsibilities are as leaders of higher education, and they might actually start allowing freedom of speech and expression to reign free on their campuses.

Greenies Show Their Real Agenda!

I have been reading on lots of blogs the total breakdown of the green agenda. The final nail in their coffin was delivered by the 10:10 campaign for their over the top "mini" movie, that literally had kids heads exploding. Its all good for us to post our disgust on blogs, but we need to hit them in their wallets, and one of their sponsors is a multinational company, Sony. So, Canadians can protest their involvement by emailing:

Sony of Canada Ltd.
Head Office
115 Gordon Baker Road
Toronto, Ontario M2H 3R6

Main Telephone: (416) 499-1414
Main Fax: (416) 497-1774
E-mail: general_enquiries@sony.ca

I sent them this message:

I want to register my disgust of your companies sponsorship of the ecogroup 10:10. Who would ever think that depicting a teacher blowing up kids in a classroom was a good way to get us to all go green? DISGUSTING! I will not buy any of your products again until I see you support those industries that make peoples lives better, like the Alberta oilsands! Stop supporting the "green" industry, that video shows us all what the green industry is all about, killing off (one way or another) deniers. It is sick, and the producers didn't even realize it.

I am livid! Your company had better come out with more than a lame apology about, we didn't know what they were doing. You gave them money, that you made from our purchases of your products, see how quick that it going to change now. If I get an automated response, that will show your level of disinterest in your customers.

I suggest that we start to finally show the power of the consumer to these companies that think sponsoring green activists is a good idea. We need to dry up corporate and government sponsorship of environmental groups like greenpeace, Pembina and all the other leeches who preach to us about our carbon footprint. We need to let the corporate world understand that we are on to the games being played by activists like Al Gore, who has made millions by his support of a false god.



Go ahead, e-mail Sony, it's not like you have to go out and actually protest. Understand that the special interest groups get their power because they protest at the drop of a hat. They are loud, noisy and intrusive (Remember Ann Coulter coming to Canada?). Conservatives tend to mind their own business, but sometimes, like the coalition attempt to take over Canada, we need to make our usually silent voices heard. This is one of those times.

We Are All Guilted Out!

Are there no end to the demands of groups to fund their special interests? Are taxpayers the bottomless pit for progressive demands? Does any political party in Canada actually care about taxpaying Canadians? Do we need to wake up and start our own Tea Party?

Today, 50,000 Quebec nation citizens showed up in support of bringing back the Quebec Nordiques. Good for them, I support hockey also! We here in Edmonton need a new rink too. Only difference is that we actually have a NHL team called the Edmonton Oilers, who we have supported through ownership battles and poor performance, every year, year in and year out.

Here's a question, if the 50,000 Quebec Nordiques fans who showed up today, gave $100 each towards the arena, would they still need to suck so hard at the taxpayer trough, or could they start funding the arena on their own? Same goes for the Edmonton Oilers fans. Why do these hockey fans expect taxpayers to pay for their sports excitement? Support it yourselves. Go out and find industry sponsors, convince them that their money is better spent on sports than any green initiative. Hold lotteries, like Stars Ambulance does. Isn't that ridiculous, our life saving Ambulance service needs to fund raise, but artists and athletes, who save no-one, get free money? Fund it yourselves. Taxpayers can only pay so much for every-bodies "goodies". We are all guilted out!

Next example, PEI, needs repairs done to the Home of Confederation. Okay, I can understand this one, but as a home owner, I wonder how they let things get that bad.

"There have been problems over the years," Mr. Baglole said in an interview. "Initially, the federal government put in a lot of money for restoration, which was great, but then interest faded."

Not only is the physical facility deteriorating, the space is devoid of the glamour, purpose and ceremony that the landmark building deserves, he said.

"There is a feeling that it is quite a static place. There is not much happening. I'd like to see a much larger presence of the provincial government and the story and interpretation of the story of democracy and P.E.I. in the building.

I've been there, I pictured the Fathers of Confederation sitting there, building Canada into a nation, it left a lasting impression with me. If Mr. Baglole thinks the place is stale, maybe he's the problem, not the building. The bottom line is that they want money to fix it. Taxpayers money. Three years ago it looked perfectly fine to me. I think it should be preserved as a great part of our history, but can you get your hands out of our pockets? How did the Confederation bridge get built? Could you hold a lottery? Something other than going whining to the federal government to get money. Why didn't you mention this when stimulus money was available? No, you wanted a sports center in Summerside more, didn't you?

I am tired of every special interest group in this country with their hands out for funds when real poverty exists on our reservations and when truly handicapped people are barely able to survive. You want a hockey arena, get off your butt and start fund raising to get it. You want houses for low income people, stop whining about it, and hold a lottery. If people really support your cause, they will fund it.

Government is not Mother Cash Cow, giving endless milk to all who show up, most wanting only the cream, and not the skim. Get off the taxpayers teat, it's been wrung dry by too many causes without results. We are all guilted out, our pockets are empty, and our quality of life has decreased. Leave us alone.

Friday Night Funnies: Who Needs A Babysitter?

Perfect animal babysitters for our young humans!
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An old man, a boy & a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey & the old man walked.

As they went along they passed some people who
remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding.

The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.

Then, later, they passed some people who remarked,
'What a shame, he makes that little boy walk.' So they then decided they'd both walk!

Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey.

Now they passed some people who shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey.

The boy and man figured they were probably right, so they decide to carry the donkey.

As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river and drowned.

The moral of the story?

If you try to please everyone,
you might as well...
Kiss your ass goodbye!
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On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together.

One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink.

Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!

Off the chicken ran, back to the farm.. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor..

Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley.

Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.

Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him.

After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse!

Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.

The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best Pals.

A few weeks later, the chicken fell in to a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!

The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle.

Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thingy and he would then lift him out of the pit...

The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.

The moral of the story?
(yep, you betcha, there is a moral!)

' When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks!
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(Okay that's not funny, but it is a valid statement!)
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As soon as he figures out how to walk through that gate holding an umbrella, he'll take care of the economy, health care, Wall Street, Iraq , Afghanistan , unemployment and a few things more.

(Look at her face! HA!)
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Pet lovers know the feeling! This one is my favorite:

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And a few for my American readers:

There's an old sea story about a ship's Captain
who inspected his sailors, and afterward told the
first mate that his men smelled bad.

The Captain suggested perhaps it would help if the sailors would change underwear occasionally.

The first mate responded, "Aye, aye sir, I'll see to it immediately!"

The first mate went straight to the sailors berth deck and announced,

"The Captain thinks you guys smell bad and wants you to change your underwear."

He continued, "Pittman, you change with Jones, McCarthy, you change with Witkowski, and
Brown, you change with Schultz. Now GET TO IT!"

THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS:

Someone may come along and promise "Change", but don't count on things smelling any better
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SPEAKING GERMAN (IN TEXAS )

Here in Texas, there is a town called New Braunfels , where there is a large German-speaking population.
One day, a local rancher driving down a country road noticed a man using his right hand to drink water from the rancher's stock pond.

The rancher rolled down he window and shouted: “Sehr angenehm! Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben dahin gesheissen.” Which means: (“Glad to meet you! Don't drink the water. The cows have pooped in it.”)

The man shouted back: “I'm from New York and just down here campaigning for Obama's health care plan. I can't understand you. Please speak in English.”
The rancher replied: “Use both hands. You'll get more.”
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Okay, for all you cat lovers....

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And finally for all you women out there looking for something to do this winter:

Winter Classes for Women at
THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
By Oct 5, 2010
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..

Class 2
Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?--Group Debate.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
At 7:00 PM

Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield .
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to Shop by Yourself.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Upon completion of ANY of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.
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It appears we are going to have a great weekend, and Mike Holmes is in town to help me with my kitchen renovations, what more could a girl ask for! Hey all you trolls, come look for me...I'll be the one with a black lab dog, or not! I might take both black lab dogs or none! HA! I will give you a hint....I'm a female!

And I Thought The RCMP Were Bad?

They are angels compared to the police in Ecuador! Thank goodness the President has been rescued and is safe.

Ecuador troops rescue president from rebel cops

QUITO, Ecuador – Ecuadorean soldiers firing automatic weapons and concussion grenades rescued President Rafael Correa late Thursday from a hospital where he was trapped most of the day by police

rebelling over a cut in benefits.

At least one security force member was wounded in the 35-minute operation, and the government said at least one person was killed and six injured in clashes earlier in the day outside the hospital between Correa's supporters and insurgent cops.

Correa, 47, told cheering supporters from the balcony of the Carondelet palace after being spirited away from the hospital at top speed in an SUV that the uprising was more than a simple police protest.

"There were lots of infiltrators, dressed as civilian and we know where they were from," he shouted. But he did not blame anyone specifically.

You would think that police would understand the concept of "law and order". Guess not. Looting of course followed. How easy it is for a democracy to be taken over by a few misguided people. How difficult it is to overthrow a dictatorship.

Find Your Balls!

Seriously? Everyone voted to slap Maclean's on the wrist for printing the truth? Maybe they should take it to the HRC's. I expect the CPC numbers to drop after this stupidity. The only party that won was the separatist Bloc, and they hate Canada, well, except for their pensions.

That this House, while recognizing the importance of vigorous debate on subjects of public interest, expresses its profound sadness at the prejudice displayed and the stereotypes employed by Maclean’s Magazine to denigrate the Quebec nation, its history and its institutions.

This is Parliament, not a grade 3 student president election. How juvenile. Talk about pandering to Quebec. I expected better of the Conservatives. It seems that they are so intent on a majority that they think they too have to kiss Quebec's butt. They would have gotten more respect from Quebec if they stood up against this obviously biased motion. This motion had no place in our House of Commons! Shame on the Bloc for bringing in forward, and shame on all MP's, from all parties, who voted for it.

Try reining in the HRC's, instead of attacking a magazine for it's article. Freedom of speech is dying in Canada, and it disgusts me that the Conservatives are too chicken to do anything about the HRC's even though it was one of their mandates from the last conference. Find your balls!

Liberal Judges, Destroying Canada!

I have been a victim of our courts. We had a guy indecently expose himself to our downstairs tenant. Both of us showed up for this disturbed individuals court date. Unfortunately, the lead police officer had broken his leg the night before, so the judge dismissed the case. This is a common day occurrence with our judges. They refuse to grant continuances on cases if the police officers are not present. This leads to total miscarriages of justice, like this case:

Cop skips court for marriage; drug suspects walk

Judge Andrew Buttazzoni dismissed trafficking charges against the nine men and one woman after he refused to grant the Crown an adjournment., requested because an out-of-town undercover police officer wasn't available to testify because he's getting married.

Seventeen people were charged in August 2009, following the six-month, undercover operation.

So, 17 sleazebags walk because a judge doesn't want to reschedule their court appearances. This judge should be fined for failure to protect Canadian citizens from criminals. Add this idiot judge to the list:

Ontario terror suspect granted bail

Ahmed was charged with conspiring to facilitate terrorist activity after police raided two Ottawa addresses on Aug. 26. Officers seized more than 50 electronic circuit boards they said could be used to detonate explosive devices, along with videos, terrorist literature and bomb-related documents.

Earlier this month, Ahmed was also charged with possession of explosives for terrorist purposes. Ahmed will next appear in court on Oct. 20.

I wonder if Ahmed might just disappear himself to Pakistan? Is this judge an idiot, or just stupid?

Our police officers should be able to issue a statement of fact in criminal cases. Judges should have to accept the officers written report. This would free up our police to actually be out in the public domain, arresting bad guys. Instead they wait for hours to testify against criminals and the judges let them go for any reason. Our judges suck!

We asked the police officer, who did show up, about this guy who was indecently exposing himself, and he told us the next step was rape. Too bad the judge didn't worry about his own rape. This judge forgot about the victim. The guy who indecently exposed himself to a young lady, skipped down the aisle with his "partner" who he met at the reform facilities, she was in there for writing bad cheques. A pair made in judicial hell!

Our judges need to be made accountable for their actions! We need to elect them. If we don't elect them we get this:

Barbara Kay: The end of prostitution laws as we know them

Responding to a Charter challenge mounted by three prostitutes, the Ontario Superior Court has struck down the prostitution law that has up to now criminalized communicating for the purpose of prostitution, living off the avails of same and keeping a common bawdy house. The litigants, who thought they would be lucky to have one aspect of the law struck down, were surprised and jubilant to see all three facets felled at once.

Liberal judges, destroying Canada. I makes me sick! The NDP and Liberals are applauding the judge who made it easier for young women to sell their bodies for money. Sad. No Morals.

Liberal judges are destroying the Canada we know and love, we need to take them to task for their decisions. We need to elect them!

Are Canadians Rejecting Liberals?

PM Harper once mentioned that Canadians were turning towards Conservatism, that our country was becoming more Conservative. It appears that he was right again!

FREDERICTON — Progressive Conservatives made election history in New Brunswick Monday by toppling the ruling Liberals of Shawn Graham after only one mandate.
.....

The Tories, led by David Alward, will form a majority government as results more than two hours after the polls closed showed the Progressive Conservative were leading or elected in 40 of the province’s 55 ridings.

The Liberals were leading or elected in 15 ridings.

“I’m humbled and honoured,” Alward told supporters at his party headquarters in Woodstock.

“What a monumental moment in our province’s history,” he added.

Yikes! Are all the lefties going the same way? Into the garbage dump? Is Ontario next? I think that PM Harper surveying the damage in Newfoundland with Danny Williams will win back some of those riding's. Dalton is dead meat on the political scale, so is Campbell. Manitoba is looking to elect a Conservative government, and shock of all shocks, Toronto might elect Ford, a can do candidate.

The Liberals are running for cover, but they can't find it. Promises are easy to make, but not so easy to keep.

Polls tell us that the Conservatives can't form a majority government, but I wonder if ads during an election, targeting Iggy's desire to increase the GST, and provide free abortions in Muslim countries, might not just give the Conservatives the majority they need to get things done.

Conservatives need to engage more with bloggers. If the MSM is Liberal biased, then MP's need to counteract it with bloggers. Many bloggers have driven the MSM agenda, they have created the news, that the MSM reluctantly covers. Conservatives need to use the blogging army better than they have.

Unfortunately, many MP's look at us as a threat. They think our opinions will reflect badly on them. Chickens. We are a front line defense of Conservatism. Didn't they get elected because they were supposedly Conservative? Shouldn't they support our efforts to blast Conservatism to all Canadians?

They have a taste of power, and they want to keep it, so they sweep out all the reformers and true Conservatives. They reduce Conservatism to a backward fringe group. They ignore the social Conservatives in their march towards a majority. They cater to the Red Tories. This will lose them the next election. They need to get back to Conservative thinking. Smaller government and tax reductions.

Canadians might be rejecting the Liberals, for now. The Conservatives should not be too cocky about the results. One province flipping is not an indication of how the federal vote will go.

Tough On Crime, How Tough Is Too Tough?

Judges need to think before they sentence. They have not been doing that, so the Conservative government will force them to stop the coddling of criminals.

Tories take aim at child sex abuse, human-smuggling

With little else on the legislative horizon, the Conservatives are expected to trumpet their commitment to fighting crime by bringing forward a mix of new bills and revived ones, as well as shepherding through Parliament 15 proposed law-and-order measures currently winding their way through the system.

The proposal to toughen penalties for sex crimes against children will be a key item on the justice agenda, Postmedia News has learned. The bill will follow through on a one-line promise in the throne speech last March.

Tough on sex crimes against children, who could disapprove of that? I expect the Bloq/NDP/Liberal coalition to water down the legislation. They have never met a criminal they don't want to hug.

Will the tough on crime agenda fly? It will with me. I told my MP that if the Conservatives did nothing except get the age of consent raised from 14 to 16, they were guaranteed my vote. That is now law. At least sexual predators will know that they will get more than house arrest. Liberal judges need to stay out of politics and uphold the rule of law.

Judges need to actually visit a jail. Some should be fired for bad decisions. How tough is too tough? I say let every criminal face true two candidates, the law and Ordovician.. amounts .

Hey, Everything Is Going Great!

The opposition and their media are trying to make it seem that the government is doing a bad job, but looking at the economy, it seems that everything is going great!

I was very impressed with PM Harper's speech to the UN. What I hated was that he was actually there, promoting Canada to dictators. Canada would be better served by disengaging from the UN. It is a corrupt organization catering to all the Muslim dictatorships and denigrating all the western countries.

We need trade, but not with tyrants. Eastern Canada gets it's oil from the "blood" economies. They see nothing wrong with importing their oil from dictatorships, and at the same time lecturing us Albertans about how bad we are for developing the oil sands.

Personally, I say, screw you! Charest and McGuinty can suck up to Saudi kings, and environmentalists, they are weak little would be kings. I want a government that stands up for ME, a Canadian. I want the 450 Tamil refugees sent back home. I want the next boat load of "supposed" refugees refused entry into Canada. I want a strong government that defends Canada.

The gun registry vote tells me that only the Conservatives understand the importance of individual freedom. The lefties want to rule us, they want to oppress us, and they want to make us puppets to their thinking. Thank goodness we have the Conservatives in power right now.

Friday Night Funnies: Making A Baby

Making a baby.

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and
decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.
On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed,
'I've been expecting you.'

'Have you really?' said the photographer.
'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped.
Please come in and have a seat !.

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub,
one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed.
And sometimes the living room floor is fun.
You can really spread out there.'

'Bathtub, living room floor ?
No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time.
But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith..

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time.
I'd love to be In and out in five minutes,
but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'

'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.

'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park
to get the job done right.
People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement..

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment,
I just had to pack it all in.'

Mrs. Smith leaned forward.
'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready,
I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'

'Tripod?'

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on.
It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'
Mrs. Smith fainted
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The Divorced Barbie Doll

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, 'How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?' The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir? We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95'.

The amazed father asks: 'It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?'

The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: 'Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made with Ken's balls.
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Church Organist

There was this small church down in Texas that had a very big-busted organist. Her breasts were so huge that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ. Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation considerably.
The very proper church ladies were appalled.
They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.

So, one of the ladies approached her very discreetly and told her to mash up some green Persimmons and rub them on the nipples of her breasts and maybe they would shrink in size, but warned her to not eat any of the green Persimmons,
though, 'because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up and you won't be able to talk properly for a while'.

She agreed to try it.

The following Sunday morning the minister got up in the pulpit and said...

'Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not hath a thermon tewday.'
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OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!!

Q. What's the Cuban National Anthem?
A. Row, Row, Row Your Boat.

Q. Where does an Irish family go on vacation ?
A. A different bar.

Q. What did the Chinese couple name their tan, curly-haired baby?
A. Sum Ting Wong.

Q. What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A. A speech impediment.

Q. Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans On Star Trek?
A. Because they're not going to work in the future either.

Q. Why do Driver Ed classes in redneck schools use the car only on
Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
A. Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Q How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the 'F' word?
A. Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell, 'BINGO!'

Q. What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A. A northern fairytale begins, ....'Once upon a time...'
A southern fairytale begins,... 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit.'

Q. Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A. Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump or swim are already in the United States

OH, be quiet ... Just pass it on!..... It's a JOKE!!!!!
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Coyote Problem

The Sierra Club and the U.S. . Forest Service were presenting an alternative to the Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote population.

It seems that after years of the ranchers using the tried and true method of shooting or trapping the predators, the Sierra Club had a "more humane" solution to this issue.

What they were proposing was for the animals to be captured alive. The males would then be castrated and let loose again.

This was ACTUALLY proposed by the Sierra Club and by the U. S. Forest Service. All of the ranchers thought about this amazing idea for a couple of minutes.

Finally an old fellow in the back of the conference room stood up, tipped his hat back and said; "Son, I don't think you understand our problem here", "These coyotes ain't f**kin' our sheep - they're eatin' 'em!"

You should have been there to hear the roar of laughter in that room.
The meeting never really got back on track.
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The skunk has replaced the Eagle as the new symbol for the President.

It is half black, half white, and everything it does stinks!!!
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A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in
the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation
was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner.
He was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while
they waited.
"I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I
heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very
first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a
television set; and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his
way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his
employer, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and
gave VD to his sister. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew
that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine
parish full of good and loving people."

Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of
apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation
and gave his talk. "I'll never forget the first day our parish priest
arrived," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the
first one to go to him in confession."

Moral: DON'T EVER BE LATE
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A family living in Colorado Springs were wondering why their water barrel was almost empty every day.
They set up a camera and caught a bear bathing.

Big Al came for his weekly bath again this week. He looks like he really enjoys the experiences. He needs a bigger tub, will think about that for next year.


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Man

A real man is a woman's best friend. He will never stand her up and never let her down.
He will reassure her when she feels insecure and comfort her after a bad day.

He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do; to live without fear and forget regret.
He will enable her to express her deepest emotions and give in to her most intimate desires.
He will make sure she always feels as though she's the most beautiful woman in the room and will enable her to be her most confident, sexy, seductive, and invincible self.

No wait... sorry... I'm thinking of wine.

It’s wine that does all that.......
Never mind.
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A Nativity Scene was erected in a church yard.

During the night the folks came across this scene.

An abandoned dog was looking for a comfortable, protected place to sleep. He chose baby Jesus as his comfort. No one had the heart to send him away so he was there all night.

We should all have the good sense of this dog and curl up in Jesus' lap from time to time.




This is too sweet not to share.
Note that the dog breed is a "shepherd!"
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Okay, going to have some homemade BC wine, and off to bed....it's going to be an awesome weekend weather wise, might even get one final round of golf in this weekend!!