Friday Night Not So Funny: US Election

Romney:

"A lot is being said in the media about Mitt Romney not being "likable" or that he doesn't "relate well" to people.  Frankly, we struggled to understand why.  So after much research, we have come up with a Top Ten List to explain this "unlikablility." Top Ten Reasons To Dislike Mitt Romney: 1. Drop-dead, collar-ad handsome with gracious, statesmanlike aura. Looks like every central casting's #1 choice for Commander-in-Chief. 2. Been married to ONE woman his entire life, and has been faithful to her, including through her bouts with breast cancer and MS. 3. No scandals or skeletons in his closet. (How boring is that?) 4. Can't speak in a fake, southern, "black preacher voice" when necessary. 5. Highly intelligent.  Graduated cum laude from both Harvard Law School and Harvard Business School...and by the way, his academic records are NOT sealed. 6. Doesn't smoke or drink alcohol, and has never done drugs, not even in the counter -culture age when he went to college.  Too square for today's America? 7. Represents an America of "yesterday", where people believed in God, went to Church, didn't screw around, worked hard, and became a SUCCESS! 8. Has a family of five great sons....and none of them have police records or are in drug rehab. But of course, they were raised by a stay-at-home mom, and that "choice" deserves America's scorn. 9. Oh yes.....he's a MORMON.  We need to be very afraid of that very strange religion that teaches its members to be clean-living, patriotic, fiscally conservative, charitable, self-reliant, and honest. 10. And one more point.....pundits say because of his wealth, he can't relate to ordinary Americans. I guess that's because he made that money HIMSELF.....as opposed to marrying it or inheriting it from Dad. Apparently, he didn't understand that actually working at a job and earning your own money made you unrelatable to Americans.  My goodness, it's a strange world, isn't it? ***************************************************** Personal Information: His full Name is: Willard Mitt Romney He was Born: March 12, 1947 and is 65 years old. His Father: George W. Romney, former Governor of the State of Michigan He was raised in Bloomfield Hills , Michigan He is Married to Ann Romney since 1969; they have five children. Education: B. A. from Brigham Young University, J. D. and M.B.A. from Harvard University Religion: Mormon - The Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter-Day Saints Working Background: After high school, he spent 30 months in France as a Mormon missionary. After going to both Harvard Business School and Harvard Law School simultaneously, he passed the Michigan bar exam, but never worked as an attorney. In 1984, he co-founded Bain Capital a private equity investment firm, one of the largest such firms in the United States. In 1994, he ran for Senator of Massachusetts and lost to Ted Kennedy. He was President and CEO of the 2002 Winter Olympic Games. In 2002, he was elected Governor of the State of Massachusetts where he eliminated a 1.5 billion deficit. Some Interesting Facts about Romney: Bain Capital, starting with one small office supply store in Massachusetts, turned it into Staples; now over 2,000 stores employing 90,000 people. Bain Capital also worked to perform the same kinds of business miracles again and again, with companies like Domino's, Sealy, Brookstone, Weather Channel, Burger King, Warner Music Group, Dollarama, Home Depot Supply and many others. He was an unpaid volunteer campaign worker for his dad's gubernatorial campaign 1 year. He was an unpaid intern in his dad's governor's office for eight years. He was an unpaid bishop and state president of his church for ten years. He was an unpaid President of the Salt Lake Olympic Committee for three years. He took no salary and was the unpaid Governor of Massachusetts for four years. He gave his entire inheritance from his father to charity. Mitt Romney is one of the wealthiest self-made men in our country but has given more back to its citizens in terms of money, service and time than most men. And in 2011 Mitt Romney gave over $4 million to charity, almost 19% of his income.... Just for comparison purposes, Obama gave 1% and Joe Biden gave $300 or .0013%. Mitt Romney is Trustworthy: He will show us his high school and college transcripts. He will show us his social security card. He will show us his law degree. He will show us his draft notice. He will show us his medical records. Mitt Romney's background, experience and trustworthiness show him to be a great leader and an excellent citizen for President of the United States. You may think that Romney may not be the best representative the Republicans could have selected.  At least I know what religion he is, and that he won't desecrate the flag, bow down to foreign powers, or practice fiscal irresponsibility. I know he has the ability to turn around this financial debacle that the current regime has gotten us into.  We won't like all the things necessary to recover from this debt, but someone with Romney's background can do it. But, on the minus side, he never was a "Community Organizer", never took drugs or smoked pot, never got drunk, did not associate with communists or terrorists, nor did he attend a church whose pastor called for God to damn the US. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Michelle Obama:  Dear American Taxpayer, For only the second time in my adult life, I am not ashamed of my country. I love being an American First Lady. I want to thank the hard working American people for paying for my many trips and vacations. I have been so busy with my food policing that I was only able to take one big trip a month. My daughter Sasha, several long-time family friends, my personal staff of 75 and various guests had a wonderful time in Spain .  Honestly, you just haven't lived until you have stayed in a private 3-story villa at a 5-Star luxury hotel, the Villa Padierna, but it only cost $95,000, and I was able to hold the total bill under $500,000. for the week. What a bargain! Thank you also for the use of Air Force Two and the 70 Secret Service personnel who tagged along to be sure we were safe and cared for at all times. Air Force Two (which costs $11,351 per hour to operate according to Government Accounting Office reports) only used 47,500 gallons of jet fuel for this trip and carbon emissions were a mere 1,031 tons of CO2. That's quite a carbon footprint as my good friend Al Gore would say, so we must ask the American citizens to drive smaller, more fuel efficient cars and drive less too, so we can lessen our combined carbon footprint. But hey, Barack’s Air Force One costs about $200,000. per hour to operate and with his many trips, he spent almost half a billion dollars on flights alone last year. Yeah, that’s with a B… $500,000,000. By the way, if you happen to be visiting the Costa del Sol, I highly recommend the Buenaventura Plaza restaurant in Marbella ; great lobster with rice and oysters! I'm ashamed to admit the lobsters we ate in Martha's Vineyard were not quite as tasty, but what can you do if you're not in Europe , you have to just grin and bear it. I know times are hard and millions of you are struggling to put food on the table and trying to make ends meet. So I do appreciate your sacrifices and do hope you find work soon. I was really exhausted after Barack took our family on a luxury vacation in Maine a few weeks ago.  I just had to get away for a few days. Cordially, Michelle Obama P.S. Thank you as well for the $2 BILLION dollar trip to India from which we just returned! P.SS. Thank you, too, for that vacation trip to Martha's Vineyard ; it was fabulous.  And thanks for that second smaller jet that took our dog Bo to Martha's Vineyard so we and the children could have him with us while we were away from the White House for eleven days. P.SSS. Oh, I almost forgot to say thanks also for our two-week trip to Hawaii at Christmas. That 7,000 square foot house was great! PSSSs We all had a fabulous time in Africa visiting Barack’s homeland. What a wonderful place!   PSSSsst! Now the girls and I are back in Africa with my mom.  Don't forget my ski trip to Vail this winter. All this while Barack golf’s and campaigns to keep my trips coming for the next 4 years!  Thanks America , but you owe it to me! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why the US media goes crazy for Michelle's arms?   What else can they talk about? Her hair, her big butt. her domination of Barack? Seriously, she's the first wife of a President that no one calls classy, or smart, or even caring. Her food guide to starving children is going over real big with.....no one! Who to choose? I would vote for the dog, BO, except he is a victim of....no one in the Obama household really giving a shit about a dog they got for publicity stunts.   ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- On a lighter note:  ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  Let's not forget  OBAMA! Quit trashing President Obama's accomplishments. He has done more than any other President before him. He has an impressive list of accomplishments: First President to apply for college aid as a foreign student, then deny he was a foreigner. First President to have a social security number from a state he has never lived in. First President to preside over a cut to the credit-rating of the United States First President to violate the War Powers Act. First President to be held in contempt of court for illegally obstructing oil drilling in the Gulf of Mexico . First President to require all Americans to purchase a product from a third party. First President to spend a trillion dollars on 'shovel-ready' jobs when there was no such thing as 'shovel-ready' jobs. First President to abrogate bankruptcy law to turn over control of companies to his union supporters. First President to by-pass Congress and implement the Dream Act through executive fiat. First President to order a secret amnesty program that stopped the deportation of illegal immigrants across the U.S. , including those with criminal convictions. First President to demand a company hand-over $20 billion to one of his political appointees. First President to tell a CEO of a major corporation (Chrysler) to resign. First President to terminate America 's ability to put a man in space. First President to cancel the National Day of Prayer and to say that America is no longer a Christian nation. First President to have a law signed by an auto-pen without being present. First President to arbitrarily declare an existing law unconstitutional and refuse to enforce it. First President to threaten insurance companies if they publicly spoke-out on the reasons for their rate increases. First President to tell a major manufacturing company in which state it is allowed to locate a factory. First President to file lawsuits against the states he swore an oath to protect (AZ, WI, OH, IN). First President to withdraw an existing coal permit that had been properly issued years ago. First President to actively try to bankrupt an American industry (coal). First President to fire an inspector general of Ameri-Corps for catching one of his friends in a corruption case. First President to appoint 45 czars to replace elected officials in his office. First President to surround himself with radical left wing anarchists. First President to golf 103 separate times in his first three and a half years in office. First President to hide his medical, educational and travel records. First President to win a Nobel Peace Prize for doing NOTHING to earn it. First President to go on multiple global “apology tours” and concurrent “insult our friends” tours. First President to go on 17 lavish vacations, including date nights and Wednesday evening White House parties for his friends paid for by the taxpayer. First President to have 22 personal servants (taxpayer funded) for his wife. First President to keep a dog trainer on retainer for $102,000 a year at taxpayer expense. First President to repeat the Holy Qur'an & tell us the early morning call of the Azan (Islamic call to worship) is the most beautiful sound on earth. First President to tell the military men and women that they should pay for their own private insurance because they “volunteered to go to war and knew the consequences”. Then, he was the First President to tell the members of the military that THEY were UNPATRIOTIC for balking at the last suggestion. First President to side with a foreign nation over one of the American 50 states ( Mexico vs Arizona ). How is this hope and change working out for you? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------  Enjoy the last nice days before winter. Take your tomatoes in before the frost gets them!