Sunday, April 29, 2012

Wounded Warriors, Yes They Can!

No, I don't mean the entitled Quebec student protestors getting arrested, I mean our real warriors, our men and women in uniform, that put it all on the line for us, and our country.



Just because they are not actively participating in Afghanistan anymore, does not mean that they should be forgotten. Our lefty politicians like to denigrate them, like they did over the prisoner exchange, and the upcoming Khadr issue is sure to be a sideshow. Shame on them. They want to make every dollar our national defense team gets seem like they are taking that money away from some poor homeless drug addict who would spend it better. They have no respect for our military.

Well I do, and most Canadians (left and right) do as well. A perfect example of that is the "Highway of Heroes". We get it.

Former President GW Bush gets it as well. He just completed a ride with 20 US wounded warriors, and it looks like everyone had a great time. 


Friday, April 27, 2012

Friday Night Funnies: Understanding Women!

Bumper stickers popping up all over Alberta:

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What we can expect in the next 10 years:

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HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD.

WELL . . . YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE. 


MY NAME IS LINDA , AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST.

I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA ON THE WALL, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO.

COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?

UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.

THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.

AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED GLENVIEW PARK HIGH SCHOOL .

'YES. YES, I DID. I'M A PANTHER,' HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.

WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?' I ASKED.

HE ANSWERED, 'IN 1976. WHY DO YOU ASK?'

YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!', I EXCLAIMED.

HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.

THEN, THAT UGLY,

OLD,

BALD,

WRINKLED FACED,

FAT-ASSED,

GRAY-HAIRED,

DECREPIT

SON-OF-A-B#$CH

ASKED,


'WHAT DID YOU TEACH???
 
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Understanding Women is now out in paperback:

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Little David was in his 5th grade class when the teacher asked the
children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical
answers came up -- fireman, policeman, salesman, etc.

David was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked
him about his father.

'My father's an exotic dancer in a gay bar and takes off all his
clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer is really
good, he'll go out to the alley with some guy and make love with him
for money.'

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the
other children to work on some colouring, and took little David
aside to ask him, 'Is that really true about your father?'

'No,' said David, 'He plays for the Vancouver Canucks but I was too
embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids.'
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The Year 2011 is over and Homeland Security has provided their end-of-the-year statistics on airport screenings here in the U.S.  It is truly amazing what those full-body scanners have shown:

* Terrorist Plots Discovered - 0
* Transvestites - 743
* Enlarged Prostates - 19,249
* Breast Implants - 209,350
* Colon problems - 27,298
* Natural Blondes - 3
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 $50 worth of illumination... 

Recently, while I was working on the flower beds in the front garden, my neighbours stopped to chat as they returned home from walking their dog.

During our friendly conversation, I asked their little girl  what she wanted to be when she grows up.

She said she wanted to be the Prime Minister some day.

Both of her parents, members of the New Democratic Party, were standing there, so I asked her, "If you were Prime Minister what would be the first thing you would do?"

She replied, "I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people." Her parents beamed with  pride!

"Wow, what a worthy goal!" I said. "But you don't have to wait until you're Prime Minister to do that!" I told her.

"What do you mean?" she replied.

So I told her, "You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and trim my hedge, and I'll pay you $50. Then you can go over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house."

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?"

I said, "Welcome to the Conservatives!"

Her parents aren't speaking to me.
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For all you guys who think girls don't fart:

Okay, okay, farting is funny. I love the dogs reaction! 
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 I've got sauerkraut perogies to make for our families 100 year celebration of immigrating to Canada, and this rainy/snowy weekend looks like a great time to do it. You all have a great weekend. Don't just sit on your butts, get out and do something. I envy the people in BC who are probably golfing this weekend.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Is Your Media World Getting Smaller?

In the mornings, I used to read blogging tories, and then the National Post. I find that I can no longer stand the National Post. They are now in the dust bin with the Globe and Mail and the Edmonton Journal, trash not worth reading.

Same goes for the radio station K-97. Their morning host Terry Evans was totally biased against Danielle Smith, he trashed her while saying, I don't want to tell you who to vote for. Well, I vote Terry, Bill, and Steve as total hypocrites. They constantly bash gays and Christians, but think they are funny. They even think having random women jump topless on a trampoline is awesome. Talk about denigrating women. Radio dial now programmed to skip that channel.

What are Conservatives left with?
Definitely not biased CBC, not CTV, the CBC want to be. Global is semi okay, sometimes.

Conservatives are now reduced to watching Sun News TV and reading the Sun newspapers. A very sad statement on the media in Canada. The CRTC is killing innovation and encouraging biased media.

If the media can not show their potential advertiser's that people are actually watching or listening, then their advertising dollars will dry up, well except for the CBC who doesn't care because they suck over a BILLION dollars a year out of the taxpayers. 

Why doesn't CTV attack the CBC more often? In an oligopoly, they should be trying to win market share, not suck up to their competition, yet, they do that daily. They are best buddies. 

Best option for Conservatives is to stop reading the National Post, Globe and Mail and Toronto Star. Let their readership numbers drop, which will mean less advertising dollars. Don't read them on line either, because they use every hit they have to get more advertising. Stop reading them.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Huge Win For Wildrose!

I know you are all waiting with baited breath to hear what I have to say about the Alberta election. HA!! So, here it is:

Yuck. Get ready to tighten your belts, because Premier Mom is about to reach in and grab you by the short and curly ones, and it's going to hurt.

I was busy scrutineering, locked up in a gym, waiting as the paid Alberta elections people counted the votes. We had some really slow guys, so I didn't know any results until close to 9:30. Of course, by then, it was all over. Make of it what you want, but last election the Liberals just about kept the riding, losing by 58 votes. The Liberal vote collapsed, as they ran to Mommy to protect them. That is why Mommy Dearest has changed the name of the PC's (Progressive Conservative) to the PL's (Progressive Liberals), because they can not hid behind the Conservative name anymore. They are not Conservatives in any way, shape, or form.

I will watch as Alberta goes further into debt with each election promise Alison fulfills, remembering the 20% decrease Albertans took to get rid of our debt for the future of our children during the Klein era. Alison will wipe that all out, in a flash, just watch her. Her first budget already reflected her big spending ways.

Do not despair. I'm over the shock, and excited to see Danielle take on Alison in the Legislature. It's going to be fun. It's going to be an eye opener for real Conservatives in Alberta. It's a great opportunity for the Wildrose. I give Albertans credit for voting for the Wildrose. They are breathing down the backs of the PC/PL's. They claim victory today, but with only a 10% lead they should not get too comfortable.




Looking at last election results, Wildrose was only at 7% of the vote, and the PC/PL's had 72 seats and 53% of the vote.


Last nights results show that the PC/PL's have dropped from 72 to 61 seats and from 53% to 44% of the vote. Alison did worse than Stelmach, imagine that!! Most important, is that the Wildrose went from 7% of the vote and 0 seats to 34% of the vote and 17 seats. If the expectations hadn't been so high, the Wildrose would have been seen as a huge winner against a 41 year old party with tentacles into every aspect of our lives.

We will live to see a brighter day, four years from now.  This is a huge win for Wildrose, they are now on the political map in Alberta, and they have 4 years to prove to Albertans that they are not "scary".

Which reminds me, because of the vile campaigne the PC/PL's ran, I will never vote for them again. Alison talks about building bridges when all they did was burn them this election.

I was disappointed that the Wildrose didn't do better, but there is always another election, and if RED Ali thinks she has free range, she will find out very quickly that the fickle Liberal/union voters who got her into power are very hard to satisfy. She is now a bought Premier. Bought by the Liberals, and bought by the unions.

To my candidate, be proud, you did everything you could do to win. To the other candidates in my riding, you all fought hard to win. I will never forget the face of the young Liberal scrutineer when he realized that the Liberal voters had switched to the PC/PL's, his bright shiny ideals hit a huge political brick wall. Too bad, because politics should not be about shifting your vote to keep a party out, it should be about standing up for your principles and voting for the candidate you actually want to support.

Huge win for the Wildrose? They don't think so right now, but it's a great start, and they will show how old and tired this government is, they will expose the underbelly of the entitled, and it's going to stink.

I will be holding Red Ali to ALL her election promises, and if she weasels out on them, it's just more fodder for the next election. No increase in taxes, but 150 new clinics? Good luck with that ONE promise, never mind everything else she threw at us. It's going to be fun. 

As a final note, my son was just dancing around with the puppy. I've never seen him actually dance before, but they were both loving it (He didn't know I was watching, so it was a spontaneous joyful dance between a boy and his dog). It was a funny, special moment, and all thoughts of politics disappeared. Family, it's the most important thing in our lives, and no politician can take that away, not ever, no matter how hard they try.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

It's Time Alberta!

I go to my local Sobey's to buy some milk, eggs and whatever, and as I am checking out, the clerk starts to tell me how there is a huge movement for anyone but Wildrose. He also tells me that they are shutting down the provincial museum (LIE). You can imagine my shock at a clerk in a grocery store telling me how to vote. I told my candidate about my encounter, and he phoned up the manager, who couldn't believe anyone in his store would have said that, well, I couldn't believe it either, but it happened.

That is how vicious this campaigne has gotten because of the way the PC's are running their campaigne. It's sad really. I have voted PC all my life, because I felt they were the one party that could best understand Alberta. That has now changed, they are using Liberal tactics of smears and lying to try and keep PC votes. How dumb is that? Smearing the very people who vote for them. I guess their Toronto advisers don't quite understand Alberta.

Out door knocking today, one guy raking his lawn admitted that he had already voted PC, but he was really nice to our candidate, wishing him luck, and excited that finally there would be a strong opposition to hold the PC's in check. If the worse outcome for the Wildrose is as a strong opposition, I will be happy with that.

From what I saw at the door, I'm thinking the Wildrose will not be the opposition, but the government, and this is in Edmonton remember. We had people who saw the campaigne truck and came out of their houses, before we had even knocked on their doors, they wanted to talk to our candidate. One single Mom was going to vote for Wildrose because she thought that a voucher system for her children's education was the best way to go.

People knew the issues, they have been reading the literature, going to the candidates meetings and thinking hard about what direction they want Alberta to go. We got a lot of comments about "it's time for a change". People are upbeat and excited about this election, well except for the NDP, they are the most likely to slam the door in your face, tolerant as per usual. HA!

I am hoping my candidate wins, but if he doesn't, he knows that he did everything he could to win it. So did all the other candidates in the riding, except for the NDP and Evergreen, all they did was show up for the candidates meeting. The Evergreen guy couldn't understand why he kept getting booed when he talked about "dirty" oil...in an Alberta election. DUH!

Good luck to all candidates, it's not an easy thing to put your name up to run in an election. It's not their fault that the media thinks they are king makers or breakers.  Most of them are good people who care about Alberta, and so are the voters.

May the best people win, and represent us wisely and truthfully.

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Friday Night Funnies: Canadian EH!


Canada eh!

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN BRITISH COLUMBIA
1. Vancouver: 1.5 million people and two bridges. You do the math.
2. Your $400,000 Vancouver home is just 5 hours from down town.
3. You can throw a rock and hit three Starbucks locations.
4. There's always some sort of deforestation protest going on.
5. Weed.


TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN ALBERTA
1. Big rock between you and B.C.
2. Ottawa who?
3. Tax is 5% instead of the approximately 200% it is for the rest of the country.
4. You can exploit almost any natural resource you can think of.
5. You live in the only province that could actually afford to be its own country.
6. The Americans below you are all in anti-government militia groups.


TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN SASKATCHEWAN
1. You never run out of wheat.
2. Your province is really easy to draw.
3. You can watch the dog run away from home for hours.
4. People will assume you live on a farm.
5. Daylight savings time? Who the hell needs that!
 

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN MANITOBA
1. You wake up one morning to find that you suddenly have a beachfront property.
2. Hundreds of huge, horribly frigid lakes.
3. Nothing compares to a wicked Winnipeg winter.
4. You can be an Easterner or a Westerner depending on your mood.
5. You can pass the time watching trucks and barns float by.

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN ONTARIO
1. You live in the centre of the universe.
2. Your $400,000 Toronto home is actually a dump.
3. You and you alone decide who will win the federal election.
4. The only province with hard-core American-style crime.


TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN QUEBEC
1. Racism is socially acceptable.
2. You can take bets with your friends on which English neighbour will move out next.
3. Other provinces basically bribe you to stay in Canada.
4. You can blame all your problems on the "Anglo A*#!%!"

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NEW BRUNSWICK
1. One way or another, the government gets 98% of your income.
2. You're poor, but not as poor as the Newfies.
3. No one ever blames anything on New Brunswick.
4. Everybody has a grandfather who runs a lighthouse.


TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NOVA SCOTIA
1. Everyone can play the fiddle. The ones who can't, think they can.
2. You can pretend to have Scottish heritage as an excuse to get drunk and wear a kilt.
3. You are the only reason Anne Murray makes money.

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND
1. Even though more people live on Vancouver Island , you still got the big, new bridge.
2. You can walk across the province in half an hour.
3. You can drive across the province in two minutes.
4. Everyone has been an extra on "Road to Avonlea."
5. This is where all those tiny, red potatoes come from.
6. You can confuse ships by turning your porch lights on and off at night.


TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NEWFOUNDLAND
1. If Quebec separates, you will float off to sea.
2. If you do something stupid, you have a built-in excuse.
3. The workday is about two hours long.
4. It is socially acceptable to wear your hip waders to your wedding.

Pass this along to Canadians who need a laugh and foreigners who can learn something about Canada and then enjoy a good chuckle.

Let's face it: Canadians are a rare breed.

The Official Canadian Temperature Conversion Chart

50° Fahrenheit (10° C)
· Californians shiver uncontrollably.
· Canadians plant gardens.

35° Fahrenheit (1.6° C)
· Italian cars won't start.
· Canadians drive with the windows down.

32° Fahrenheit (0° C)
· American water freezes.
· Canadian water gets thicker.

0° Fahrenheit (-17.9° C)
· New York City landlords finally turn on the heat.
· Canadians have the last cook-out of the season.

-60° Fahrenheit (-51° C)
· Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
· Canadian Girl Guides sell cookies door-to-door.

-109.9° Fahrenheit (-78.5° C)
· Carbon dioxide freezes makes dry ice.
· Canadians pull down their ear flaps.

-173° Fahrenheit (-114° C)
· Ethyl alcohol freezes.
· Canadians get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg.

-459.67° Fahrenheit (-273.15° C)
· Absolute zero; all atomic motion stops.
· Canadians start saying "cold, eh?"

-500° Fahrenheit (-295° C)
· Hell freezes over.
· The Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup.

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With time, women gain weight because we accumulate so much information and
wisdom in our heads that when there

is no more room, it distributes out
to the rest of our bodies. So we aren't

heavy, we are enormously cultured,
educated and happy.

Beginning today, when I look at my butt
in the mirror I will think,
“Good grief, look how smart I am!”

Must be where “Smart Ass” came from!

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 A man was dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there was a 
gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table..He had been checking 
her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her. 

Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air, and handed it back.
 

'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman said, as she popped her eye back in place. 'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.'
 

They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they went to the theatre followed by drinks... They talked, they laughed, she shared her deepest dreams and he shared his. She listened to him with interest.
 

After paying for everything, she asked him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.
 

The next morning, she cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy was amazed. Everything had been so incredible!
 

'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman.. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'
 

'No,' she replies. ..... ..... 




Wait for it ...  ............ 





It's coming  .......  ..... 




The suspense is killing you, isn't it?






She said ...  .....
: 

'You just happened to catch my eye.' 


(Oh shut up, and just forward it!)
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 Beverly is 90 years old. She's played golf every day since her
retirement 25 years ago.  One day she arrives home looking sad.

"That's it,"she tells her husband. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight
has become so bad that once I hit the ball I can't see where it went."

Her husband makes her a cup of tea, and says, "Why don't
you take me with you and give it one more try."

"That's no good" sighs Beverly , "you're a hundred and three. You can't help."

"I may be a hundred and three", says Gus,
 "but my eyesight is perfect."

So the next day Beverly heads off to the golf course
with her husband, Gus. She tees up, takes a mighty
swing and squints down the fairway.

She turns to the husband and says, "Did you see the ball?"

"Of course I did!" replied Gus. "I have perfect eyesight".

"Where did it go?" says Beverly .

"I don't remember."
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A young Vancouver woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. However, just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her.
"You have so much to live for..." said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you,bring you food every day, and keep you happy."

With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Italy , the woman accepted. That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and makes sweet passionate love to
her until dawn...
Three weeks later, she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.
"What are you doing here?", asked the captain.
"I have an arrangement with one of the crew," she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Italy ."
"I see", the captain says.
Her conscience got the best of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me..."
"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Ferry to Nanaimo".
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Have a great weekend. Hey you Albertans, go out door knocking, get the vote out. With spring comes renewal.