Friday Night Funnies

I know you all remember my Friday Night Funnies, and know that they are NOT politically correct, so if you are offended.....to bad buttercup, don';t read my friday night funnies anymore, PROBLEM SOLVED. 

Can't Decide?

_________________________________________________________________________

Election Joke:

 Two crocodiles were sitting at the side of the Rideau Canal. The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, 'I can't understand how you are so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids, I just don't get it.
'Well,' said the big croc, 'what have you been eating?'
'Politicians, same as you,' replied the small croc.
'Hmmm. Well, where do you catch them?'
'On the other side of the river near the car park at Parliament Hill.’
'Same here. How do you catch them?' asked the big croc.
'Well, I crawl up under one of their big Lexus, BMW or Mercedes cars and wait for one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the crap out of them and eat 'em!'
"Ah!" says the big croc, "I think I see your problem, you're not getting any real nourishment! See, by the time you finish shaking the crap out of a politician, there's nothing much left but an asshole with a briefcase.

______________________________________________________________

We know this election the MEDIA made a big issue out of the lady who wanted to get her citizenship covered from head to toe....I wonder if she took her dog with her?

Okay that one is really really funny the more I look at the dog.......

_____________________________________________________________________________

Kim Jung Un

  
 Kim Jung Un had NO military experience whatsoever before

Daddy made him a four-star general. 

This snot-nosed twerp had never accomplished anything in his

life that would even come close to military leadership. 

He hadn't even so much as led a Cub Scout troop, coached a

                                    sports team, or commanded a military platoon. 

So he is made the "Beloved Leader" Of North Korea. 

Terrific!!! 

Oh crap!

I'm sorry. 
 
I just remembered that we did the same thing.   We took an arrogant phony community organizer, who had never

worn a uniform, and made him Commander-in-Chief. 

A guy, who had never had a real job, worked on a budget, or led anything more

than an ACORN demonstration, and we made him

"Beloved Leader" of the United States. TWICE!

 

I'm sorry I brought this up... Never mind.

 ______________________________________________________________________

It is just amazing that so many of them are still with us!

___________________________________________________________

You all know I love dogs............

Whether you own a dog or not, you must  appreciate the efforts of this owner to sell her dog. Look at the picture and then read the sales pitch below...... 

 

 

 

   Dog For Sale ------Free to good home.  

 

Excellent guard dog. Owner cannot afford to feed him anymore, as 

 

there are no more drug pushers, thieves, murderers, rapists or  molesters 

 

left in the neighborhood for him to eat.  

 

   Most of them knew Jethro only by his  

 

Chinese Street name...... Ho Lee Schitt.

(Obviously photo-shopped, but funny.)

__________________________________________________________________

 Squirrels and Religion...

 

There were four churches and a synagogue in a small Ohio town: a Presbyterian church, a Baptist church, a Methodist church, a Catholic church and a Jewish synagogue.

 

Each church and the synagogue had a problem with squirrels.

 

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.

At the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and knew instinctively how to swim so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.

The Methodist church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist Church. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water slide.

But the Catholic Church came up with a very creative strategy. They baptized all the squirrels and consecrated them as members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.

Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue, but it's rumoured that they took one squirrel and circumcised him and they haven't seen a squirrel on their property since.

_____________________________________________________________________

THE DIFFERENCE IF YOU MARRY A CANADIAN GIRL

The first man married a woman from North Carolina .  He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning.  It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a woman from South Carolina .  He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from CANADA.  He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.  He still has some difficulty when he pees.

 ________________________________________________________________________________________

We have all heard about the Liberals bringing more refugees into Canada, they might be your Mom or Dad!!

Seniors Leaving Canada

News Flash from the offshore Nova Scotia ----

The Canadian Navy intercepted three boatloads of people off the east coast of Canada today.

This placed the Navy in an awkward position, as the boats were not heading to, but away from Canada towards the Middle East .

Another surprise finding was that they were loaded with Canadians who were all seniors of pension age. Their claim was that they were trying to get to the Middle East so as to be able to return to Canada as illegal immigrants and therefore be entitled to far more benefits than they were receiving as legitimate Canadian pensioners.

The Navy, it is believed, gave them food, water and fuel and assisted them on their journey.

We are booking the next boat out. Let me know if you want to come.

_________________________________________________

Halloween tomorrow, I will post pictures of our scary house!!