Friday, June 08, 2012

Friday Night Funnies

When everyone on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God appeared and said, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St. Peter."
Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men. The line of men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household there stood only one man.
God said to the long line, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you to be the head of your household. You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose. Of all of you, only one man obeyed. Learn from him."
God turned to the one man: "How did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."
Why Men Wear Earrings

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.
The man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense"
The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."
"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly.
His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to ask, "So, how long have you been wearing one?"
"Ever since my wife found it in my truck."
(I always wondered how this trend got started)
Speaking of bull:

An Irishman was drinking in a bar in London when he gets a call on his cell phone.

He orders drinks for everybody in the bar as he announces his wife has just produced a typical Irish baby boy weighing 25 pounds.

Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the man just shrugs,

"That's about average up our way, I said - my boy's a typical County   Mayo baby boy."

Two weeks later the man returns to the bar. The bartender says,"Say, you're the father of that typical Irish baby that weighed 25   pounds at birth, aren't you?

Everybody's been making' bets about how big he'd be in two weeks

.... so how much does he weigh now?"

The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds."

The bartender is puzzled and concerned. "What happened?"
"He was 25 pounds the day he was born."

The father takes a slow swig of his Jameson Irish Whisky, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says,

"Had him circumcised." 

An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. As he approached the receptionist's desk, he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. He gave her his name.

In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, "YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"

All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man. He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, 'NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.'

The room erupted in applause

Have a great weekend! We are getting rain and I will be busy watching the weeds grow right before my eyes! 

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