Be On the lookout ... Red 1951 Chevy ...
The United States Border Patrol is asking
everyone to keep on the lookout for a red 1951 Chevy.
They suspect this car is being used to smuggle
illegal immigrants across the border from Mexico
and into points along the U.S. border.
If you see the vehicle pictured below and
have reason to believe that it is the suspect
vehicle, you are urged to contact your local
police department or the U.S. Border Patrol.
Had a little
problem at the grocery store today.
Apparently, when the cashier said “strip down, facing me”
she
was talking about my debit card. ---------------------------------------------------------
The Cow an Ant and an Old Fart
A cow, an ant and an old fart are debating on who is the greatest of the three of them.
The cow said, "I give 20 quarts of milk every day and that's why I am the greatest!"
The ant said, "I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times my own weight and that's why I am the greatest!"
A cow, an ant and an old fart are debating on who is the greatest of the three of them.
The cow said, "I give 20 quarts of milk every day and that's why I am the greatest!"
The ant said, "I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times my own weight and that's why I am the greatest!"
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SISTER MARY ANN'S GASOLINE
Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a Texaco Gasoline station was just a block away.
Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a Texaco Gasoline station was just a block away.
She walked to the station to
borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can
he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since
Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and
walked back to her car.
She looked for something in
her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to
the patient. Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the
station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.
As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptists watched from across the street.. One of them turned to the other and said,
As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptists watched from across the street.. One of them turned to the other and said,
'If it starts, I'm turning Catholic.'!!
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How about getting some exercise after a long winter?
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A Canadian Army
officer was about to start the morning
briefing to all of his
staff.
While waiting for the
coffee machine to finish its brewing, the officer decided to pose a question to
all assembled. He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night
before, and therefore he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed
the question; "How much of the act of sex is "work," and
how much is "pure pleasure"?
A Captain chimed in with a 75-25% in favor of 'work'.
A Lieutenant said it
was probably about 50-50%.
A Warrant Officer
responded with a 25-75% in favor of 'pleasure', depending upon his state of
inebriation at the time.
There being no
consensus, the Officer turned to the Newfie Private who was in charge of making
the coffee. What was HIS opinion?
Without any
hesitation, the young Newfie responded, "Sir, it has to be 100%pleasure,
Sir."
The Officer seemed a
little surprised and as you might guess, asked, "And why is that,
soldier" ?
"Well, Sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them, Sir".
The room fell silent. God Bless the Newfie.
"Well, Sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them, Sir".
The room fell silent. God Bless the Newfie.
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GYNECOLOGIST'S
ASSISTANT JOB
A retired man went
into the Job Center in Downtown Vancouver , and saw a card advertising for a
Gynecologist's Assistant. Interested, he went in and asked the clerk for
details.
The clerk pulled up
the file and read; "The job entails getting the ladies ready for the
gynecologist. You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down
and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and
gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so they're ready for
the gynecologist's examination." "The annual salary is $65,000, and
you'll have to go to Winnipeg , Manitoba
"Good grief;
is that where the job is?"
"No sir -- that's
where the end of the line is right now."
My veggie garden is up, looks to be a bumper crop cucumber year! I think I can get some bargain flower plants now and fill a few more baskets. Enjoy the weekend.
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