Friday, June 01, 2012

Friday Night Funnies: The Cow, an Ant And an Old Fart

What's going on in your garden when you aren't looking?

Be On the lookout ... Red 1951 Chevy ...

The United States Border Patrol is asking 

everyone to keep on the lookout for a red 1951 Chevy. 

They suspect this car is being used to smuggle 

illegal immigrants across the border from Mexico 
and into points along the U.S. border. 

If you see the vehicle pictured below and 

have reason to believe that it is the suspect 
vehicle, you are urged to contact your local 
police department or the U.S. Border Patrol.


Had a little problem at the grocery store today.
Apparently, when the cashier said “strip down, facing me”
she was talking about my debit card. 

The Cow an Ant  and an Old Fart

A cow, an ant  and an old fart are debating on who is the greatest of the three of  them.

The cow said,  "I give 20 quarts of milk every day and that's why I am the  greatest!"

The ant said,  "I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52  times my own weight and that's why I am the  greatest!"






 Why are you  scrolling down?  It's your turn to say  something.
Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a Texaco Gasoline station was just a block away.

She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car.

She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.

As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptists watched from across the street.. One of them turned to the other and said,

'If it starts, I'm turning Catholic.'!!


How about getting some exercise after a long winter?

Ouch!!! I think I'll stick to gardening!!!  

A Canadian Army officer was about to start the morning
briefing to all of his staff.
While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the officer decided to pose a question to all assembled. He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before, and therefore he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question;  "How much of the act of sex is "work," and how much is "pure pleasure"?

A Captain chimed in with a 75-25% in favor of 'work'.
A Lieutenant said it was probably about 50-50%.
A Warrant Officer responded with a 25-75% in favor of 'pleasure', depending upon his state of inebriation at the time. 
There being no consensus, the Officer turned to the Newfie Private who was in charge of making the coffee. What was HIS opinion?

Without any hesitation, the young Newfie responded, "Sir, it has to be 100%pleasure, Sir."

The Officer seemed a little surprised and as you might guess, asked, "And why is that, soldier" ?

"Well, Sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them, Sir". 
The room fell silent.  
God Bless the Newfie.

A retired man went into the Job Center in Downtown Vancouver , and saw a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant.  Interested, he went in and asked the clerk for details.
The clerk pulled up the  file and read; "The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their  private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off  the hair, then rub in soothing oils so they're ready for the  gynecologist's examination." "The annual salary is $65,000,  and you'll have to go to Winnipeg , Manitoba

"Good grief; is that where the job is?"

"No sir -- that's  where the end of the line  is right now."
 My veggie garden is up, looks to be a bumper crop cucumber year! I think I can get some bargain flower plants now and fill a few more baskets. Enjoy the weekend.

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