Friday Night Funnies: Walk Don't Run!

Preparing to meet the new puppy:

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Ramblings of a Retired Mind

I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can't afford one. So I'm wearing my garage door opener. 

 

I also made a cover for my hearing aid, and now I have what they call blue teeth, I think.

You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway.

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!

I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is 'when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.'

I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age and calling it 'Pumping Rust'.

I've gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That's when your chest has fallen into your drawers!

Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you should write, 'A Good Doctor'!

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then it dawned on me. They were cramming for their finals.

As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve.

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Greatest card trick ever or a big fake?

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 Muslim Dilemma: (Dare I post this JOKE???)

Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim
Terrorists are so quick to commit suicide.

Lets have a look at the evidence:

- No Christmas

- No television

-No nude women

- No football

- No pork chops

- No hot dogs

- No burgers

- No beer

- No bacon

- Rags for clothes

- Towels for hats

- Constant wailing from some idiot in a tower

- More than one wife

More than one mother in law

- You can't shave

- Your wife can't shave

- You can't wash off the smell of donkey

- You cook over burning camel shit

- Your wife is picked by someone else for you

- and your wife smells worse than your donkey

Then they tell you that "when you die, it all gets better"??

Well no shit Sherlock !

It's not like it could get much worse

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Trying to get that weight off? Try the treadmill...or not!

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The COW AND THE ICE CREAM ONE OF THE BEST THEORIES OF WHY OBAMA WON THE ELECTION 
-->From a teacher in the Nashville area - -

"We are worried about 'the cow' when it is all about the 'Ice Cream. 'The most eye-opening civics lesson I ever had was while teaching 3rd grade. The last Presidential election was heating up and some of the children showed an interest. I decided we would have an election for a class president. We would choose our nominees. They would make a campaign speech and the class would vote. To simplify the process, candidates were nominated by other class members. We discussed what kinds of characteristics these students should have. We got many nominations and from those, Jamie and Olivia were picked to run for the top spot.
The class had done a great job in their selections. Both candidates were good kids.

I thought Jamie might have an advantage because he got lots of parental support.

I had never seen Olivia's mother.

The day arrived when they were to make their speeches.

Jamie went first.

He had specific ideas about how to make our class a better place.
He ended by promising to do his very best.

Everyone applauded and he sat down.

Now is was Olivia's turn to speak.

Her speech was concise. She said, "If you will vote for me, I will give you ice cream." She sat down.

The class went wild. "Yes! Yes! We want ice cream."

She surely would say more. She did not have to.

A discussion followed. How did she plan to pay for the ice cream? She wasn't sure. But no one pursued that question. They took her at her word.

Would her parents buy it or would the class pay for it...She didn't know.

The class really didn't care. All they were thinking about was ice cream...

Jamie was forgotten. Olivia won by a landslide.

Every time Barack Obama opened his mouth he offered ice cream and 51.4 % of the people reacted like nine year old's.

They want ice cream.

The other 48.6% percent know they're going to have to feed the cow and clean up the mess."

This is the ice cream Obama promised us!
Remember, the government cannot give anything to anyone that they have not first taken away from someone else.
Did you vote for the ice cream?
THAT MY FRIEND, IS HOW OBAMA GOT ELECTED...

BY THOSE WHO WANT EVERYTHING FOR FREE!

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Walk Don't Run by the Ventures, with a Twist! The grin on the 4 Star Generals face as he is playing is priceless!

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Have a great weekend, and remember to shop at Christmas friendly stores. I sent an email to Canadian Tire about their support of CHRISTMAS and received a very nice reply:

Thank you for contacting our office regarding our Christmas advertisements. 

We appreciate you taking the time to share your feedback with us directly. It is always wonderful to receive positive feedback from our customers. 

Send Canadian Tire some Christmas cheer, email them!