Saturday, October 22, 2011

Friday Night Funnies: Halloween Mooned

BURGLARY  IN FLORIDA (You just can't  make
                             this stuff up!!)

                                  When Southern Florida resident Nathan
                             Radlich's house was  burglarized
                                 recently, thieves ignored his wide
                             screen plasma TV, his VCR, and even left
                                 his  Rolex watch. What they did take,
                             however, was a "generic white  cardboard
                                 box filled with a grayish-white  powder".
                             (That's the way the police  report
                                 described  it.)

                                  A spokesman for the Fort Lauderdale
                             police said  that "it looked similar to
                                 high grade cocaine  and they'd probably
                             thought they'd hit the big  time."
                                 Later, Nathan stood in front of  numerous
                             TV cameras and pleaded with the
                                  burglars: "Please return the cremated
                             remains of my sister,  Gertrude. She
                                 died three years  ago."

                                  The next morning, the bullet-riddled
                             corpse of a local drug dealer  known as
                                 Hoochie Pevens was found on Nathan's
                             doorstep. The cardboard box was there
                                 too;  about half of Gertrude's ashes
                             remained. Taped to the box was this  note
                                 which said:

                                  "Hoochie sold us the bogus blow, so we
                             wasted Hoochie. Sorry we  snorted
                                 your sister. No hard feelings. Have a
                             nice day."
Overdose Victim

A nun was sitting at the Victoria airport waiting for her flight to Calgary.

She looked over in the corner and saw one of those weight machines that tells your fortune and thought to herself, 'I’ll give it a try and see what it tells me.'

She went over to the machine, stepped up on the scale and put her nickel in; out came a card that read, 'You are a nun, you weigh 128 lbs, and you are going to Calgary.'

The nun sat back down. She told herself that the machine probably gives the same card to everyone. The more she thought about it the more curious she got so she decided to try it again.   She went back to the machine and again put her nickel in, and out came a card that read:  'You are a nun, you weigh 128 lbs, you are going to Calgary and you are going to play a fiddle.'

The nun says to herself, 'I know that is wrong, I have never played a musical instrument even once in my life.' She sat back down.

From out of nowhere a cowboy came over and sat down putting his fiddle case on the seat between them.   Without thinking, she opened the cowboy's case, took out the fiddle, and started playing beautiful music.  Surprised at what she had done, she looked over at the machine, thinking, 'This is incredible, I’ve got to try this again.'

Back to the machine she went, put in another nickel, and another card came out. It read, 'You are a nun, you weigh 128 lbs, you are going to Calgary and you are going to break wind.'

Now she knows the machine is wrong, as she thought to herself, 'I’ve never broken wind in public a single time in my life.' But getting down off the machine she slipped, and as she was straining to keep herself from falling to the floor, she broke wind.

Absolutely stunned, she sat back down and looked at the machine. She said to herself, 'This is truly remarkable. I’ve got to try this again.' She went back to the machine, put in another nickel, and another card came out.

It read: 'You are a nun, you weigh 128 lbs, you have fiddled and farted around and missed your flight to Calgary.'
You've been Halloween mooned!
Gonna Be A Bear!  (makes sense to me!)

It's coming.......
Here is a picture of our place so far.....

Coffin and guillotine need to be put out yet, and all the ghosts, vampires and various other creatures! HA! Scary. 

Have a great weekend! Remember to have fun with your family.