Saturday, October 01, 2011

Friday Night Funnies: I Faked It!

- For young men, it's a nice ass. Only the most observant will define this as a really nice ass crossing the street. The really observant will see the thong.
- For older men, it is a respectable woman with a really nice ass crossing the street.
- The perverts will imagine her as a naked woman.
- The wise men will ponder the presence of mind of the photographer in the face of such beauty and gratitude that it was shared with humanity.
- For half of the women, this is an ordinary woman who should not have left home dressed that way.
- The other half is wondering where she bought that blouse.
- The wise women imagine the misery that this will be at 50.
- Children, the curious, and monks will probably notice a dog driving the taxi - don’t be alarmed, I didn’t see the dog either.
Dear Tide:

I am writing to say
what an excellent product
you have.
I've used it all of my married life,
as my Mom always told me
it was the best.
Now that I am in my fifties
I find it even better!
In fact, about a month ago,
I spilled some red wine
on my new white blouse.
My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me
about how clumsy I was,
and generally started becoming
a pain in the neck.

One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood
on my new white blouse!
I grabbed my bottle
of Tide with bleach alternative,
to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out!

In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday
told me that the DNA tests
on my blouse were negative.

Then my attorney called
and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.

What a relief!
Going through menopause
is bad enough without being
a murder suspect!
I thank you, once again,
for having a great product.

Well, gotta go.
I have to write to
the Hefty bag people.

This financial crisis is forcing the Province of Alberta and local agencies to make some tough decisions.
If things continue for much longer, there's a real risk that we may have to lay off Jose.
So  JOHNNY  goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.
There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, fine red wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of buxom ladies who appear to have mislaid their garments.
He hears Father Flahrety come in: "Father, forgive me for I have sinned. It's been a very long time since I've been to confession . . . and . . . I must admit that the confessional box is much more, uh, "inviting" than it was back in my day."

FR. Flahrety replies, "Get out, Johnny, you idiot! You're on my side!"
Public Housing

The problem with public housing is that the residents are not the owners.

The people who live in the house did not earn the house, but were loaned the property from the true owners, the taxpayers.

Because of this, the residents do not have the "pride of ownership" that comes with the hard work necessary.

In fact, the opposite happens and the residents resent their benefactors because the very house is a constant reminder that they themselves did not earn the right to live in the house.

They do not appreciate the value of the property and see no need to maintain or respect it in any way.

The result is the same whether you are talking about a studio apartment or a magnificent mansion full of priceless antiques.

If the people who live there do not feel they earned the privilege, they will make this known through their actions.

The pictures below illustrate the point:

The Resolute Desk was built from the timbers of the HMS Resolute and
was a gift from Queen Victoria to President Rutherford B. Hayes.
It is considered a national treasure and icon of the presidency.

Mr. Obama, you are not in a hut in Kenya, or public housing in Chicago.
With all due respect, get your # @&% feet off our desk!----------------------------------------------
Welcome to the "Guess Your Number Game".  Try It, I dare you.

I leave you with babies giggling, nothing is sweeter than that.

Enjoy the weekend, raking leaves seems to be in my future.


West Coast Teddi said...

Too early for fall - tomats still on the vine!! thanks for FNF - have a great week

liberal supporter said...

Why that bad old Obama, putting his feet up on the table! Who does he think he is, the President of the United States?