Friday, July 31, 2009

Friday Night Funnies: The Blonde Gets Even.

So, it's a long weekend and you are sitting back with a beer at the lake, time to enjoy the Friday night funnies!
I was in the pub yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me.

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, 'I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards.'

The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, 'This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards..... What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?'

'No,' the cook said. 'Three flat tires .... Means three pancakes; a pair of
headlights.. Is two eggs sunny side up; and a pair of running boards... Are 2 slices of crisp bacon'.

'Oh,... OK!' said the blonde.. She thought about it for a moment and then
spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.

The trucker asked, 'What are the beans for Blondie?'

I LOVE THIS ONE......... .
'She replied, 'I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires,
headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!'

I suspect this will be a very happy marriage!
Brand new edition of...
"You know you're a redneck when......
1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.
3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
4. You burn your yard rather than mow it..
5. You think "The Nutcracker" is a vice on the work bench
6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.
10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table..
11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold..
17. You have a rag for a gas cap.
18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
19. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean ?
20. You can spit without opening your mouth.
21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand..
23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.
24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal*Mart.
25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV
26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.
28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.
30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.

Why dogs bite people....

I know I have posted this before, but I still can't figure it out, can you??

She gets me every time!

Have a great long weekend!


Anonymous said...

Peeing on your dog's tree is just plain disrespectful to the dog...unless he extends and invitation to share the tree. LOL.

Anonymous said...

Good funnies, Hunter. Yes I am at the lake, but it's too early for beer
Perhaps later when we fry up the fish with some pyrohys! Thanks also for banishing th. Winged monkey brigade and their den mother. Cheers from sunny N.E. Alberta!

Ming said...

OK .. regifting trick ... if you really want to know ...

Generate yourself a table with all the 2 digit numbers ... and do the math for each of them ... You'll end up with a set number of possibilities ... all 10-19 will be 9 ... all 20-29 will be 18 ... all 30-39 will be 27 ... etc

Now when do the trick, look only at the numbers that are the results of the subtractions (9, 18, 27, etc.)...

Soccermom said...

Wow, I loved that wedding entrance! That's one wedding those guests won't ever forget!

I told my daughter to do that when she gets married (hopefully at least 10 years from now) so instead of crying, I'll be laughing!

West Coast Teddi said...

Sorry I'm late - was in Kamloops for a Ladies soccer tournament - 41C and hot and smoky.

thanks for the FNF