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A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween Party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg, So he writes to a costume company to explain his problem.
A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a monk's costume. The long robe will cover your Wooden leg and, with your bald head, you should really look the part.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head, so again he writes the Company another nasty letter of complaint.
The next day he gets a small Parcel and a note, which reads:
Dear Sir,
We have TRIED our very BEST.
Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts.
Pour the molasses over your bald head, pat on crushed nuts, stick your Wooden Leg up your ass and go as a caramel apple.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
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You know you are too old to Trick or Treat when:
10.. You get winded from knocking on the door.
9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.
8. You ask for high fiber candy only.
7.. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag,
you lose your balance and fall over.
6.. People say: 'Great Boris Karloff Mask,'
And you're not wearing a mask.
5. When the door opens you yell, 'Trick or...'
And can't remember the rest.
4.. By the end of the night,
you have a bag full of restraining orders.
3.. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.
2.. You're the only Power Ranger in the
neighborhood with a walker.
And the number one reason Seniors should not go
Trick Or Treating...
*
*
*
1. You keep having to go home to tinkle!
----------------------------------------------------- Halloween Card.
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Have a great weekend. I have noticed not many houses are decked out for Halloween, but we are doing our part to keep the tradition alive.
Can a Catholic demand a room to pray in if it is somewhere in the middle east? I suspect not. So why do Muslims enroll in a Catholic University and then try to get the university to conform to their demands?
The Washington, D.C. Office of Human Rights confirmed that it is investigating allegations that Catholic University violated the human rights of Muslim students by not allowing them to form a Muslim student group and by not providing them rooms without Christian symbols for their daily prayers. The investigation alleges that Muslim students “must perform their prayers surrounded by symbols of Catholicism – e.g., a wooden crucifix, paintings of Jesus, pictures of priests and theologians which many Muslim students find inappropriate.” A spokesperson for the Office of Human Rights told Fox News they had received a 60-page complaint against the private university. The investigation, they said, could take as long a six months.
Let me get this straight. Muslims voluntarily enrolled in a CATHOLIC university, and are now mad because they see the Crucifix everywhere? On top of that, they now want a room to pray in to their god, and are offended that Catholic symbols might be in the room?
Now the Canadian Wheat Board wants to sue the taxpayers of Canada to keep their monopoly control over farmers. I ask you, what is good about a monopoly? How is lack of competition a good thing? The CWB has had their way for way too long. It was a good idea decades ago, now, it is so entrenched in it's power that it has forgotten to like about what is best for our farmers.
Basic economics instructs that a monopoly will charge a higher price to consumers. The CWB can also give farmers less than the market price because our western farmers, by law, can not sell their wheat to anyone else but the CWB. So, the CWB gets to screw farmers and consumers at the same time. No wonder they are scared to lose their monopoly.
Let's be clear here. The Canadian Wheat Board will still exist after this bill is passed. They will just have to compete and show western farmers that they will get the best price for them, and that scares the crap out of the glorified CWB.
Does the CWB try to work with the government? No, they are suing the government (meaning us taxpayers....just so you lefties understand who actually pays the bills) because their little kingdom is a risk of having to move into this century. Here is a sample of how lefties think, or not.
It's ironic the way "free trade" will lift many restrictions, while strengthening the "corporate powers" that bind us. Without the Wheat Board's powers, greedy corporations (the wal-mart type) will move in. All the little guys get bought out, corporations (maybe Chinese), buy-up the land and up the prices. Profits leave the country, farmers are now minimum wage earners, and Harpo has satisfied another group of his cronies. "Happy Capitalism"? Sure! If you're in the minority that rules!
Please explain how the apocalypse you describe will be brought about by giving individual farmers a choice on where to sell their wheat?
Lefties scream and yell about a woman's right to choose, but they do not understand that farmers should have the right to choose too. Individual rights can not be allowed according to the lefties, unless it is something they agree with like the elimination of prayer in schools (except Muslim prayers, those are okay with the lefties), no more "Christmas" anything (can't offend all those "other" religions), and no letting kids be kids without adding sex education into kindergarten classes.
Everything that has been going on lately has reminded me of Atlas Shrugged. Maybe the wheat farmer's should forget to plant crops next spring, see what happens to the price of grain products. Maybe corporations should stop hiring all those union workers.
The CWB is sucking the blood out of our western farmers, and they are obviously running scared. If they had any smarts about them, they would work with the government to realign the laws, instead of suing us tsxpayers.
Free our western farmers! Give them the same choice that eastern farmers get.
Brian Rahilly of the Dawson College Gun Control Coalition says getting rid of the registry is not in the interest of Canadians. Tony Bernardo of the Canadian Shooting Sports Association says the registry is nothing but an endless sinkhole of money.
Leftist Rahilly is ripped apart by Bernardo. Rahilly is your typical lefty, he sneers at the west, blaming us for getting rid of the gun registry. He smacks a pen constantly as if it will make his point for him. It is a must watch because the host....what's his face....gets all sanctimonious when Bernardo mentions the Conservative majority. He points out that it is not a majority in the "popular vote" and Bernardo smacks him down as well. A bad day all round for lefties.
Goodbye useless gun registry. I don't own a gun, but I did have some fun at the West Edmonton Mall shooting gallery.
Don't mess with Conservative women, we can aim straight, shoot down lefties with our superior thinking and best of all, do it while cooking supper for our families without feeling inferior like feminists.
Another Conservative promise has been kept. Next is the choice for western farmers by taking away the CWB monopoly. The CWB is sucking the blood out of our western farmers, enough is enough. Funny how the lefties want to keep western farmers down, they are obviously too stupid to see that western farmers are being oppressed by a government run organization, or the lefties think it is just fine to oppress our western farmers because they tend to be Conservative. Lefties really are slimy and unprincipled.
After the CBC's stupid ambush of Mayor Ford today, they might be next on the chopping block, and I would welcome that decision. How arrogant, how stupid. You do not "ambush" a 6 year old child because her father is the mayor. Keep digging that hole CBC, I'm waiting for you to reach China, that should be an interesting end to your political agenda.
Glad the gun registry is on it's last legs, just like the Liberals!
On Friday we picked up our new 8 week old "Dog With Wings" puppy. He reminds me of a baby hippo! Don't get me wrong, I think baby hippos are cute as heck, and so is this pup.
Right now he is in my arms because he had a rough day. He had a long 45 minute ride to school, and he howled for 40 minutes of it, and another 40 minutes back home. He got beaten up by his smaller brothers and sisters, and as a consequence, forgot everything we had taught him over the weekend.
Luckily, we fed him supper and all was forgotten. He was then able to help us with our Halloween decorations,
and sweeping up the leaves.
He finally wore himself out killing the snake.
He's adorable!
I am sleep deprived right now because it seems that I am the only one in the house that hears him whining at 2:00, 4:00, 5:30 and 7:30 in the morning.
We are going to try our hardest to help him win his wings and become the best guide dog he can be.
(Unpaid Advertisement) Dogs With Wings is a non-profit charitable organization, they do not suck off the government teat like other organizations. They only charge $1 to the families that get the dogs, and rely heavily on volunteers, like my family. If you can possibly volunteer to foster one of these dogs, you will be rewarded a thousand times over by the love they give you, and watching them with their handicapped people.
BURGLARY IN FLORIDA (You just can't make
this stuff up!!)
When Southern Florida resident Nathan
Radlich's house was burglarized
recently, thieves ignored his wide
screen plasma TV, his VCR, and even left
his Rolex watch. What they did take,
however, was a "generic white cardboard
box filled with a grayish-white powder".
(That's the way the police report
described it.)
A spokesman for the Fort Lauderdale
police said that "it looked similar to
high grade cocaine and they'd probably
thought they'd hit the big time."
Later, Nathan stood in front of numerous
TV cameras and pleaded with the
burglars: "Please return the cremated
remains of my sister, Gertrude. She
died three years ago."
The next morning, the bullet-riddled
corpse of a local drug dealer known as
Hoochie Pevens was found on Nathan's
doorstep. The cardboard box was there
too; about half of Gertrude's ashes
remained. Taped to the box was this note
which said:
"Hoochie sold us the bogus blow, so we
wasted Hoochie. Sorry we snorted
your sister. No hard feelings. Have a
nice day."
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Overdose Victim
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A nun was sitting at the Victoria airport waiting for her flight to Calgary.
She looked over in the corner and saw one of those weight machines that tells your fortune and thought to herself, 'I’ll give it a try and see what it tells me.'
She went over to the machine, stepped up on the scale and put her nickel in; out came a card that read, 'You are a nun, you weigh 128 lbs, and you are going to Calgary.'
The nun sat back down. She told herself that the machine probably gives the same card to everyone. The more she thought about it the more curious she got so she decided to try it again. She went back to the machine and again put her nickel in, and out came a card that read: 'You are a nun, you weigh 128 lbs, you are going to Calgary and you are going to play a fiddle.'
The nun says to herself, 'I know that is wrong, I have never played a musical instrument even once in my life.' She sat back down.
From out of nowhere a cowboy came over and sat down putting his fiddle case on the seat between them. Without thinking, she opened the cowboy's case, took out the fiddle, and started playing beautiful music. Surprised at what she had done, she looked over at the machine, thinking, 'This is incredible, I’ve got to try this again.'
Back to the machine she went, put in another nickel, and another card came out. It read, 'You are a nun, you weigh 128 lbs, you are going to Calgary and you are going to break wind.'
Now she knows the machine is wrong, as she thought to herself, 'I’ve never broken wind in public a single time in my life.' But getting down off the machine she slipped, and as she was straining to keep herself from falling to the floor, she broke wind.
Absolutely stunned, she sat back down and looked at the machine. She said to herself, 'This is truly remarkable. I’ve got to try this again.' She went back to the machine, put in another nickel, and another card came out.
It read: 'You are a nun, you weigh 128 lbs, you have fiddled and farted around and missed your flight to Calgary.'
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You've been Halloween mooned!
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Gonna Be A Bear! (makes sense to me!)
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------------------------------------------- It's coming.......
Here is a picture of our place so far.....
Coffin and guillotine need to be put out yet, and all the ghosts, vampires and various other creatures! HA! Scary.
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Have a great weekend! Remember to have fun with your family.
My oldest son is at NAIT now, and is already talking about jobs in the US. I will be sad for him to leave us, but if that is where the job opportunities are, good luck to him, and we will VISIT him as often as we can, but we don't want to immigrate to the US to stay near him. The US should not let us in just because he is working there either. So, why does Canada?
The Liberals created a great vote getting scheme by instituting the "family reunification" project. What we got was that one productive member was able to bring over their whole family, including grandpa and grandma, who will not contribute by working, will not learn the language, and WILL use our overloaded health system, that they have never contributed to. They have doctors, my family does not. We pay, they use.
It appears that our current government has figured this out, and are about to stop this practice.
Only about 20 per cent of immigrants to Canada are primary economic immigrants, he said, while the remaining applicants are their spouses and sponsored family members. “To those who think we can solve that problem through immigration alone are profoundly mistaken,” Kenney told the committee. Kenney said the Conservative government isn’t opposed to family reunification, but said there must be limits. “We have to calibrate those limits based on our country’s economic needs, our fiscal capacity,” he said. “There is no doubt that the people who are coming who are senior citizens, they have much, much lower labour market participation and much higher level of utilization of the public health system.”
You have to love Jason Kenney, he's not afraid to tell it like it really is. Keep up the great work Jason!
Unless the country they live in is at war, grandpa and grandma are probably happier staying put in their own homes than being transplanted to a new land that doesn't speak their language. They are like lost little puppies, that need lots of care, but turn around and shit on your carpet.
My son can move anywhere he wants for work, but don't expect us to follow. I can see the crocodile tears of the left pouring down their faces as they shout for ma and pa to be able to suck off the taxpayer teat.
Not going to sit well out here in the west. Proportional representation means that PEI should only have one MP not 4. If the Conservatives give Quebec, who's population is dwindling, 2 more seats, they better be able to justify it, because right now it looks like political pandering to me.
On Tuesday, Ontario officials said the province will receive 13 additional seats under the new formula, down from the 18 seats expected under a previous expansion proposal that failed to pass before the May 2 election. As well, British Columbia may gain only five seats, instead of the seven anticipated under the last plan, according to reports circulating Tuesday.
The changes in those two heavily populated provinces could allow Quebec to gain two federal seats, a response to criticism from some Quebecers that the earlier federal proposal endangered that province’s influence on Canadian government decisions. Meanwhile, Alberta could gain six seats, instead of the five expected under the last proposal.
I am hoping that this is just an unconfirmed rumour, because, in no way does Quebec deserve any more MP's, as a matter of fact, they already have too many MP's for their voter base. While they are redistributing MP's, can we reduce PEI to one MP from the 4 they presently have?
More examples of how the east rules the west. This is just blatant pandering to Quebec. My nose detects a stench coming from Ottawa, and much as the east is used to the stench, we out here in the west, do not want it drifting into our back yards.
Stop the Quebec pandering. If they don't like the original agreement, too bad, it was fair. Not like the fact that Quebec gets 75 MP's no matter what their population might be in the future. No that is unfair.
PM Harper, Quebec isn't going to EVER vote for you, so quit the pandering. They are like teenagers, all hot hormones and not much thinking.
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A woman was enjoying a good game of golf with her girlfriends.
"Oh, no!"
She suddenly exclaimed.
"Look at the time!
I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husband! He'll be so pissed if
it's not ready on time."
When she got home, she discovered all she had in the fridge was a wilted
Lettuce leaf, an egg, and a can of cat food. With no time to go to the
Supermarket, she opened the can of cat food, stirred in the egg, and
Garnished it with the lettuce leaf.
She greeted her husband warmly when he came home, and then watched in horror
As he sat down to his dinner. To her surprise, he seemed to be enjoying it.
"Darling, this is the best dinner you've made me in 40 years of marriage!
You can make this for me any day!"
Needless to say, every golf day from then on, the woman made her husband the
Same dish. She told her golf partners about it, and they were all horrified.
"You're going to kill him!" they exclaimed!?
Two months later, her husband died. The women were sitting around the
Clubhouse, and one of them said,
"You killed him! We told you that feeding
Him that cat food every week would do him in! How can you just sit there so
Calmly knowing you murdered your husband?"
The wife stoically replied,
"I didn't kill him. He fell off the window sill
While he was licking his ass."
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Halloween is coming...........
If you had purchased $1,000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.
With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00.
With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.
If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock, you would have $49.00 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of wine one year ago, drunk all the wine, then turned in the bottles for the recycling REFUND, you would have had $214.00.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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Good example of a Brain Study: If you can read this you have a strong mind:
PL3453 F0RW4RD 1F U C4N R34D 7H15
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Kitty is all in!!
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5 NUNS IN A BAR
Sisters Mary Catherine, Maria Theresa, Katherine Marie, Rose Frances, & Mary Kathleen left the Convent on a trip to St. Patrick's Cathedral in New York City and were sight-seeing on a Tuesday in July. It was hot and humid in town and their traditional garb was making them so uncomfortable, they decided to stop in at Paddy McGuire's Pub for a cold soft drink.
Paddy had recently added special legs to his barstools, which were the talk of the fashionable eastside neighborhood. All 5 Nuns sat up at the bar and were enjoying their Cokes when Monsignor Riley and Father McGinty entered the bar through the front door.
They, too, came for a cold drink when they were shocked and almost fainted at what they saw
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REPLACEMENT WINDOWS
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, double-pane, energy-efficient kind.Today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He complained that the work had been completed a year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.Hellloooo,............just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy told me last year... that these windows would pay for themselves in a year,,, Helllooooo? It's been a year, so they're paid for, I told him.. There was only silence at the other end of the line,so I finally hung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot.
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And finally, guaranteed to drive you crazy.....Find the cat.
Have a great weekend! I have to get all my Halloween stuff out. Ghosts, coffins, zombies, guillotine and various witches and ghosts need to be dusted off and set out for the big scare!
BOOOOO!!! HA.
It is an honest representation of what is going on in the public schools in Ontario, and other provinces. What I don't like is the fact that parents can not take THEIR children out of those classes. Parents should be outraged by the fact that schools are dictating to them, and forcing them to obey or shut up.
Overall, the curriculum amounts to a government-endorsed sexual exploitation of young children. Teaching children tolerance (accepting something you don’t like for the good of society) is very different from teaching them they must actively promote, or refrain from the legitimate criticism of, certain practices. It’s time for public schools to get out of the social activism arena and focus on providing kids with the real educational tools that they need to succeed.
I see nothing wrong with this ad, but apparently the typical lefties have their shorts in a knot. It must have been real bad for the National Post to buckle under the pressure.
Where the ad exceeded the bounds of civil discourse was in its tone and manipulative use of a picture of a young girl; in the suggestion that such teaching “corrupts” children, with everything that such a charge implies; and in its singling out of groups of people with whose sexuality the group disagrees. The fact that we will not be publishing this ad again represents a recognition on our part that publishing it in the first place was a mistake.
What a pathetically weak reason for canceling the ad. The people at the National Post should be ashamed of themselves for grovelling before the special interest groups. SHAME! The manipulative use of a picture of a young girl? So I guess you will not be taking any ads from World Vision and the like, because if they don't use manipulative pictures of young girls and boys, I don't know who does. I lost a lot of respect for the National Post because they bowed down to a special interest group who is busy manipulating our children in our schools. Grow some balls National Post.
What happened to freedom of speech in Canada? Special interest groups have taken over and corrupted what freedom of speech means. Special interest groups think freedom of speech only refers to them and their positions on issues, try to give a different point of view, and you end up like the National Post, grovelling BEFORE them, instead of standing up TO them.
Thanks for showing some balls Sun TV! Keep up the great work!
Environmentalists (university students with NO job experience) want us to embrace solar and wind as environment friendly alternatives to oil, gas and coal. They spew on and on about massive green jobs. So how is that going?
The Energy Department says on its website that the $1.2 billion loan to help build the California Valley Solar Ranch in San Luis Obispo County, a project that will help create 15 permanent jobs, which adds up to the equivalent of $80 million in taxpayer money for each job.
But the Energy Department stands by the project.
“This project underwent many months of rigorous technical, financial and legal due diligence by career employees in the DOE loan program,” Energy spokesman Damien LaVera said in a statement to FoxNews.com. “It was approved for one reason only: because it meets all the requirements of the program – helping America win the clean energy race and create entire new industries for American workers.”
Even with 1.2 Billion the firm is in trouble and they were only going to create 15 permanent jobs? I would love to get me some of that action, as would Gore and Strong. Stop listening to the uneducated kids of the environment, who do not understand the meaning of a real job, start listening to the people who have to pay the energy bills.
As far as the Keystone pipeline goes, forget about those bird choppers and solar panels, that create no jobs, and build that pipeline, in the short run, you will employ many people in areas that desperately need employment, and in the long run, you will save money on energy.
When you give kids money, they always go to the nearest corner store and spend it on candy and pop, then they complain of a bellyache. Does anyone wonder why all the "clean energy" companies are going bankrupt? Do any of you know anyone who owns a "smart car" or even a "hybrid"?
The wolves like Gore and Strong have been exposed. The sheep have not yet realized that they were duped, they are too busy protesting Wall Street now that their "global warming" scam has failed.
Funny how lefties always have a cause to protest, while the rest of us are busy actually working at jobs in the private sector, supporting them.
If the Americans chicken out of the Keystone project because of the Ecochildren, Canada has another huge buyer of our oil, and it's name is China, with India a close second. How would we get it there? Look at this:
So far the usual activists are protesting both pipelines, but I predict that both pipelines will be built, and eastern Canada will benefit just like they do now.
Build those pipelines and save money. If the environmentalists are so concerned about Mother Earth, I have a garden that needs to be rototilled!
Power to the people, or so the unions say, while taking away people's power. If you are stranded at an airport because of a union strike, you as an individual have no power. You are helpless, caught in the grip of the collectivist movement of a union who doesn't care about you, only about their power, their demands for more money.
"We ask the federal government, in the strongest possible terms, to respect our right to collective bargaining and not intervene unilaterally in this dispute," he said.
But Raitt said union members had exhausted their right to bargain twice already, and rejected the tentative agreements hashed out by the union and Air Canada. "They've had two kicks at the can on this one," she said.
So, can the federal government legislate the unions to butt out of the next election? Will the judges "allow" it? Can they bring in legislation that makes union membership voluntary not mandatory? Can they make it so that unions need to reveal their financial statements to the public, just like any corporate entity?
Should public employees even be allowed to be in a union? They are negotiating with a government who pays them with taxpayers money, they have their hands in the taxpayers pockets, and can hold the government of the day and taxpayers as hostages because of the votes they can supposedly deliver. They can also fund special interest groups during an election so they can advertise for or against a certain party. They make the individual vote a joke. They distort democracy with advocacy. They protest at the drop of the hat. Where do they find the time if they are working soooo hard? Right, thought so.
Unions have helped to lead to the ruin of Europe, especially Greece, and they are on the way to try to do the same thing in Ontario, where unions impacted the election and even in Alberta, they impacted the vote for our Premier.
They are overstepping their mandate, they ignore the wishes of their members, and waste union membership fees in the millions, on political battles. How much like dictators they appear. Union members have no right to opt out. They are told who to vote for. They must appear to agree with the union presidents, whether they do or not. If a member protests the unions behaviour, the likely result is that they get no work. Unions are allowed to automatically take "dues" from the workers, and are not under any restrictions as to how they use that money.
I would like to know how much the union leaders are making. I would like to see their expense accounts. I would like to see how much they have spent on the elections, and what party received their member funded donations.
Air Canada flight attendants can hold us all hostage, but who really needs them? They don't even serve meals anymore, unless you pay for them, so what purpose do they serve? Seriously, who needs them? Unions give them the power to hold individuals hostage, anytime they want. Why don't teachers strike during July and August if they really care about their students? HA!
Unions are out of control. They need to be reminded of their purpose, but I guess they understand, better than us taxpayers, that their mandate has already been achieved, and they have nothing left but political advocacy.
Dear Abby , My husband has a long record of money problems. He runs up huge credit-card bills and at the end of the month, if I try to pay them off, he shouts at me, saying I am stealing his money. He says pay the minimum and let our kids worry about the rest, but already we can hardly keep up with the interest. Also he has been so arrogant and abusive toward our neighbors that most of them no longer speak to us. The few that do are an odd bunch, to whom he has been giving a lot of expensive gifts, running up our bills even more. Also, he has gotten religious. One week he hangs out with Catholics and the next with people who say the Pope is the Anti-Christ, and the next he's with Muslims. Finally, the last straw. He's demanding that before anyone can be in the same room with him, they must sign a loyalty oath. It's just so horribly creepy! Can you help?
Signed, Lost in DC
Dear Lost: Stop whining, Michelle. You can divorce the jerk any time you want. You're getting to live in the White House for free, travel the world and have others pay for everything for you. The rest of us are stuck with the liar for two more years!
Abby
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COLOR IS GOOD
Yesterday I went to the doctor
For my yearly physical.
My blood pressure was high.
My cholesterol was high.
I'd gained some weight,
and I didn't feel so hot.
My doctor said eating right
doesn't have to be complicated and
it would solve my physical problems.
He said:
Just think in colors.
Fill your plate with bright colors.
Try some greens, oranges, reds,
maybe something yellow, etc.
and eat an entire bowl of
bright colors.
\/
\/
\/
\/
\/
And Sure Enough,
I Felt Better Immediately!!
I never knew eating right could be so easy!!
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Can Cold Water Clean Dishes? This is for all the germ conscious folks
that worry about using cold water to clean.
John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Saskatchewan.
After spending a great evening chatting the night away,
the next morning John's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast.
However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking,
'Are these plates clean?'
His grandfather replied,
'They're as clean as cold water can get em.
Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!'
For lunch the old man made hamburgers.
Again, John was concerned about the plates, as his appeared to have tiny specks around
the edge that looked like dried egg and asked,
'Are you sure these plates are clean?'
Without looking up the old man said,
'I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them.
Now don't you fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!'
Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving
his grandfather's dog started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass.
John yelled and said, 'Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car'.
Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted!
'Coldwater, go lay down now, yah hear me!'
Meet Coldwater !
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The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.
The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.
As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.
He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.
After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.
He said, ''I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you and cussing a blue streak at him.
I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally I assumed you had stolen the car.''
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THIS WEEK'S BRAIN EXERCISE
man
1. ------------
board
stand
2. ------------
i
3. /r/e/a/d/i/n/g/
4. r
road
a
d
5. cycle
cycle
cycle
0
6. ------------
M.D.
Ph.D.
7. knee
light
ground
8. ---------------
feet feet feet feet feet feet
9. he's X himself
10. ecnalg
11. death ..... life
12. THINK
13. abababababababababababababababababababab...
Answers later. Okay, peek if you have to!
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This is a terrific and incredibly easy test. And it shows results in a
number of ways.. It clearly indicates that the majority of
Americans don't have a clue about what's going on in the
world. No wonder our politicians take such advantage of us.
It's astonishing that so many people got less than half right.
These results say that 80% of the (voting) public doesn't have
a clue, and that's pretty scary.
There are no tricks here - just a simple test to see if you are current on your
Information. This is quite good and the results are shocking.
I believe it was Winston Churchill who said that ". . . the
biggest argument against democracy is a 5-minute conversation
with the average voter .. . ."
Test your knowledge with 11 questions, then be ready to shudder
when you see how others did!
Amnesty International has become a far left organization that sees anything Conservative as a threat to their mission of world domination. They are a joke. They are about as believable as Greenpeace, who are neither green or peaceful.
"When I joined AI (Amnesty International) in high school, it was to defend the rights of political dissidents like Andrei Sakharov and to oppose brutal regimes, including those still doing bloody business in Iran and North Korea," Kenny wrote. "I am disappointed to learn you are now squandering the moral authority accrued in those campaigns on targeting one of the most generous immigration systems in the world, and protesting the actions of Canadian public servants applying rules and laws that far exceed our international obligations."
Candice Malcolm, spokeswoman for Kenney, told QMI Agency Thursday, "I note that Amnesty International did not seek a court order barring Fidel Castro, who, according to AI themselves, has led a regime guilty of 'arbitrary arrests, detention and criminal prosecution,' as well as 'unfair sentences, harassment and intimidation of critics,' and use of the death penalty for individuals 'trying to flee the island'; or barring the 1999 visit of late Togolese dictator Gnassingbe Eyadema, who human rights organizations accused of operating a 'state of terror.'
Kenney gives it to them with both barrels, (oh dear, I mentioned a gun part!) good for him and Kenney's spokeswoman...way to go Candice, call them on the facts. Lefties can't deal with facts, they are all about emotions. Emotions do not solve anything, but whining and crying about an issue looks good.....to other lefties.
I would be interested to know who funds Amnesty. Do they take blood money from dictatorships? How clean are they? Why do they go after the democratic countries and not Saudi Arabia? HA!
Finally, I am really sorry Ontario, but look at the bright side, Dalton will have to fix the deficit that his government created. In a minority, he will be reined in to a certain extent. Dalton will have to eat it.
High school students who wrote Grade 12 diploma exams had disappointing results, said board officials Wednesday. In six out of 11 categories, including English, social studies, and math, students’ scores were below the provincial average. Officials say only 66% of Grade 12 students who took the applied math 30 test met “acceptable” standards, while 74% of Grade 12s province-wide made the grade.
Will the 107 million make our teachers better at actually teaching our students reading, writing, and math? The teacher's union needs to stop it's political activism and start teaching our children the essential courses they will need to excel as adults.......not sex ed.
Speaking of sex ed, here is a prime example of why teachers do not deserve more money.
If this pervert doesn't get fired, we will all understand how corrupt the teachers unions really are! 107 million for underachieving teachers? I think not.
Unimpressed with a Tory private member’s bill demanding unions publicly disclose their financial statements, Jim Stanford is accusing Stephen Harper’s government of “dog whistle” politics. “Blowing a whistle that only the dogs can hear (i.e. the Conservatives’ red-meat base) while allowing the leadership to stand back and look statesmanlike,” the Canadian Autoworkers Union told The Globe in an email, explaining what he thinks is really behind the bill.
Unions, especially teachers unions, are involving themselves in elections by advertising and even bringing kids to political protests. This is wrong. They are supposed to be educating our children, teaching them skills to survive adulthood, but they are more interested in sex-ed than math. As taxpayers, we need to call them out on their advocacy of all things lefty. They are damaging our kids. Parents are not even a consideration for teachers, they have our young ones, and they don't want to let them go until they have shaped them into tiny little robots in their images.
This most stop. The rules for donating to political parties needs to be changed. REDford is already damaged goods, her pandering to unions is not illegal, but it shows a distinct lack of class.
UPDATE: The "erotic educator" has resigned in disgrace. Did he not think before he wrote an erotic sex book for teens?
But she has already reversed her position on not having a Legislative session. Has she reversed her 107 million dollar give away to the teachers union? No way! From the looks of things she might even be worse than Steady Eddie.
I think Peter's Principle is at work here...she has been elevated to her position of incompetence. She is a lawyer, her present husband is a lawyer, and her ex-husband is a lawyer, can you say disaster for Alberta?
How much damage can she do to our economy in a year, before we have an election? We need to be vocal about anything she does that will harm our economy. Lawyers do not understand the economy or business. Any eco-friendly initiatives need to be examined and voted down if they harm our ability to succeed. Does she support the pipelines to Texas and BC? I have no clue because personally I couldn't care about this phony election dictated by Liberal and NDP voters. They stuck us with Stelmach last time and now we are stuck with a pinko.
Redford met last week with Alberta Teachers’ Association brass before announcing an almost-immediate $107 million boost to education funding. Running a distant second to favourite Gary Mar, Redford closed the gap and eventually won the leadership early Sunday morning. Whether the move to pacify the teachers resulted in many of them buying $5 Tory memberships to put her over the top may never be known. But Alberta Wildrose Leader Danielle Smith says it’s another indication the Progressive Conservative Party in Alberta has lost its way.
Alberta is leading this country in economic development. Does this elitist understand Albertans? Does she understand the oilsands development? Is she going to be listening to all her Liberal/NDP/union buddies and change the royalty structure? She is already pandering to the teachers union, so I am not too confident about the direction she will be leading Alberta.
The smart PC MLA's will abandon the drowning PC party and flock to the Wildrose, but maybe Wildrose would be smart to reject the soon to be unelected. Like the undead, they only hang around and create trouble.
REDford is already a failure by reversing her decision to not call the Legislature back and by pandering to the teachers union. A sad, bad start.
So, the feminists screaming "it's our body, it's our choice" still aren't happy with Canada having NO abortion laws, they want to be able to kill your breathing child. It is legal in Canada to kill a baby as long as it hasn't taken it's first breath. This is a disgusting situation.
Now our judges are taking it one step further. Killing your newborn, breathing baby, and throwing it into a neighbours yard like a piece of garbage, well that's okay too!
More than six years and two jury trials after 19-year-old Katrina Effert gave birth to a boy in her parents’ basement after a secret pregnancy, strangled him with thong underwear and tossed his body, wrapped in a towel, into a neighbour’s yard in Wetaskiwin, Alta., the Court of Appeal of Alberta last week sentenced her to time served for improper disposal of a body. With a suspended sentence for the infanticide, she is now “a quiet young woman going about her life,” and working in her mother’s hair salon, her lawyer Peter Royal said yesterday.
Imagine if she had strangled a puppy and thrown it away. The outcry would have been deafening. Secret pregnancy? Why not get a taxpayer funded abortion if you didn't want the baby? Feminists will tell you it is your choice, why no outcry that the girl carried the baby to term and then killed it?
"a quiet young woman going about her life"? What about the little baby boy, who was given NO chance to quietly go about his life? We are all horrified when we hear about an abandoned animal, but this woman gets off scott free from killing her live, kicking and breathing baby. I took two poisoned squirrels to an emergency vet clinic hoping they could be saved, and people in the clinic were shocked that someone was poisoning animals.
That little baby boy was just as defenseless as those baby squirrels but feminists, and society in general turn their backs because they do not want to appear politically incorrect. BullSh*t. That baby deserved the right to live. Our judges are out of control. This young lady, who still has her life, should have to pay for the life she killed. She could have had an abortion up until the baby was born, but she didn't, she chose to kill her baby after it was born. She is disgusting, may what she did haunt her all her life.
How can feminists justify her behaviour when abortion is totally unrestricted in Canada? She had no excuse for killing her baby, NONE!
At least it is a close race and Mar is not the outright winner.
The nail-biter of a race saw Alison Redford and Gary Mar tied for the PC leadership. With 62 of 85 constituencies reporting, the two opposing figures sat nearly tied, with Mar holding 40% of the vote, and Redford capturing nearly 38%, causing some to predict a close finish.
Seriously, I couldn't care about who the next premier is, because the PC's are dead. They have become Liberals and are trending NDP. Nothing about them is Conservative.
Good luck next election PC's, The reason your voting numbers are so bad is that no-one believes you anymore. Go Wild!!!!
- For young men, it's a nice ass. Only the most observant will define this as a really nice ass crossing the street. The really observant will see the thong.
- For older men, it is a respectable woman with a really nice ass crossing the street.
- The perverts will imagine her as a naked woman.
- The wise men will ponder the presence of mind of the photographer in the face of such beauty and gratitude that it was shared with humanity.
- For half of the women, this is an ordinary woman who should not have left home dressed that way.
- The other half is wondering where she bought that blouse.
- The wise women imagine the misery that this will be at 50.
- Children, the curious, and monks will probably notice a dog driving the taxi - don’t be alarmed, I didn’t see the dog either.
--------------------------------------------
Dear Tide:
I am writing to say
what an excellent product
you have.
I've used it all of my married life,
as my Mom always told me
it was the best.
Now that I am in my fifties
I find it even better!
In fact, about a month ago,
I spilled some red wine
on my new white blouse.
My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me
about how clumsy I was,
and generally started becoming
a pain in the neck.
One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood
on my new white blouse!
I grabbed my bottle
of Tide with bleach alternative,
to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out!
In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday
told me that the DNA tests
on my blouse were negative.
Then my attorney called
and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.
What a relief!
Going through menopause
is bad enough without being
a murder suspect!
I thank you, once again,
for having a great product.
Well, gotta go.
I have to write to
the Hefty bag people.
----------------------------------------------------
This financial crisis is forcing the Province of Alberta and local agencies to make some tough decisions.
If things continue for much longer, there's a real risk that we may have to lay off Jose.
--------------------------------------------------------
So JOHNNY goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.
There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, fine red wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of buxom ladies who appear to have mislaid their garments.
He hears Father Flahrety come in: "Father, forgive me for I have sinned. It's been a very long time since I've been to confession . . . and . . . I must admit that the confessional box is much more, uh, "inviting" than it was back in my day."
FR. Flahrety replies, "Get out, Johnny, you idiot! You're on my side!"
--------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------
Public Housing
The problem with public housing is that the residents are not the owners.
The people who live in the house did not earn the house, but were loaned the property from the true owners, the taxpayers.
Because of this, the residents do not have the "pride of ownership" that comes with the hard work necessary.
In fact, the opposite happens and the residents resent their benefactors because the very house is a constant reminder that they themselves did not earn the right to live in the house.
They do not appreciate the value of the property and see no need to maintain or respect it in any way.
The result is the same whether you are talking about a studio apartment or a magnificent mansion full of priceless antiques.
If the people who live there do not feel they earned the privilege, they will make this known through their actions.
The pictures below illustrate the point:
The Resolute Desk was built from the timbers of the HMS Resolute and
was a gift from Queen Victoria to President Rutherford B. Hayes.
It is considered a national treasure and icon of the presidency.
Mr. Obama, you are not in a hut in Kenya, or public housing in Chicago.
With all due respect, get your # @&% feet off our desk!----------------------------------------------
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Welcome to the "Guess Your Number Game". Try It, I dare you.
I leave you with babies giggling, nothing is sweeter than that.
Enjoy the weekend, raking leaves seems to be in my future.
Everything that has been going on lately has reminded me of Atlas Shrugged. Maybe the wheat farmer's should forget to plant crops next spring, see what happens to the price of grain products. Maybe corporations should stop hiring all those union workers.
The CWB is sucking the blood out of our western farmers, and they are obviously running scared. If they had any smarts about them, they would work with the government to realign the laws, instead of suing us tsxpayers.
Free our western farmers! Give them the same choice that eastern farmers get.