Friday Night Funnies: 55 Years And Going Strong!

This Friday night funnies edition is dedicated to one of my favorite posters, MaryT and her husband (the strong, silent type). They are celebrating 55 years together this week! MaryT sends me many of the jokes you read here. Thank you Mary, and may you and your husband have many more years together.


Comments made in the year 1955!
That's only 54 years ago!

'I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $10.00.

'Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long before $1, 000.00 will only buy a used one.

'If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. 20 cents a pack is ridiculous.

'Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging 7 cents just to mail a letter

'If they raise the minimum wage to $1.00, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store.

'When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 25 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage.

'I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying DAMN in GONE WITH THE WIND, it seems every new movie has either HELL or DAMN in it.

'I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down inTexas .

'Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $50,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if someday they'll be making more than the President.

'I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They are even making electric typewriters now.

'It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet.

'It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work.

'I'm afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business.

'Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to government.

'The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on.

'There is no sense going on short trips anymore for a weekend, it costs nearly $2.00 a night to stay in a hotel.

'No one can afford to be sick anymore, at $15.00 a day in the hospital, it's too rich for my blood.'

'If they think I'll pay 30 cents for a hair cut, forget it.'
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A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment: Get their

parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day

the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg laying hens.

One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat

of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went flying

and broke and made a mess and the moral of the story's,

'Don't put all your eggs in one basket'!

"Very good," said the teacher..


Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too.

But we raise chickens for the meat market. One day we had a dozen eggs,

but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is,

'Don't count your chickens before they're hatched'.

"That was a fine story Sarah. Michael, do you have a story to share?"


"Yes. My daddy told me this story about my Aunt Shirley.

Aunt Shirley was a flight engineer on a plane in the Gulf War and her

Plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had

was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the whiskey on

The way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the

middle of 100 enemy troops.

She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of

bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade

broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."

"Good heavens" said the horrified teacher, "What kind

of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

"Stay the hell away from Aunt Shirley when she's been drinking."
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Of course animals make your stress levels drop, so de-stress with this one:


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TWO WOMEN ENTER HEAVEN

1st woman:
' Hi ~ my name is Sandra..'

2nd woman:
' Hi ~ my name is Sylvia...How did you die?'

1st woman:
' I froze to death..'

2nd woman:
' Oh~ how horrible!'

1st woman:
' It wasn't to bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to feel warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death...What about you?'

2nd woman:
' I died of a massive heart attack. I supected that my husband was cheating on me, so I came home early one night to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him sitting watching Television all by himself.'

1st woman:
' So what happened then?'

2nd woman:
' Well I was so sure that there was another woman in the house that I began running through all the rooms like a crazy woman. I searched the attic, then I searched the basement...then I went through every closet, I even looked under all of the beds. I kept this up until I had searched everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.'

1st woman:
'Too bad you didn't look in the freezer first....then we'd both still be alive!!!'
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Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight," the boy replied.
The man continued, "do you know what these are used for?"
The boy replied, "not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either."
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For your mindless game of the week, we have Fly swatting, it's tough, that swatter doesn't go where you think it will!

Congrats again to Mary and husband, may next year be richer than last year, it will be if you take the time to laugh.