Saturday, June 13, 2009

Friday Night Funnies: Direct Line To Heaven

I love the weekend! So let's go directly to the funnies:

A photographer on vacation was inside a church taking photographs

when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a
sign that read '$10,000 per call'.

The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling
by what the telephone was used for.

The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that
for $10,000 you could talk to God.

The American thanked the priest and went along his way.

Next stop was in Atlanta. There, at a very large cathedral, he
saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it.

He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in
Orlando and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was.

She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for
$10,000 he could talk to God.

'O.K., thank you,' said the American.

He then traveled to Indianapolis, Washington DC, Philadelphia,
Boston and New York.

In every church he saw the same golden telephone
with the same '$10,000 per call' sign under it.

The American, upon leaving Vermont decided to travel up to Canada
to see if Canadians had the same phone.

He arrived in Canada, and again, in the first church he entered,
there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under
it read '40 cents per call.'

The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign.

'Father, I've traveled all over America and I've seen this same
golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct
line to Heaven, but in the US the price was $10,000 per call.

Why is it so cheap here?'

The priest smiled and answered, 'You're in Canada now, son ...
it's a local call.'
Sweating with the Socialists....

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when Steven a tall, exceptionally handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him.

The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. (As All men will.) Before she could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over and whispered to her, 'I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00...... on one condition'

Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied, 'You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.'

The woman considered his proposition for a moment, And then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, Which she pressed into the man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly And meaningfully said....

'Clean my house.'
Retired??? Keep in shape with this drill!

Wine does not make you FAT...........................

It makes you LEAN ...........

Against tables, chairs, floors, walls, and ugly people.
During a recent heat wave, this koala wondered onto a porch to get out of the heat, the homeowner, put down some water with this result:

And finally your mindlessgame... Circle the cat! My youngest took five tries, I took two, how many tries did it take you?

Off to a BBQ for James Rajotte tomorrow, come and join us...find out who I really am! HA!


West Coast Teddi said...

I am soooo tired from doing the Polosi that I almost missed the FNF.

Thanks again and I hope you had a good time on the golf course.

Bec said...

That damn cat? No comment other than now, I REALLY HATE CATS! lol

ps I've kinda picked up that you may hook up with Jen? Very cool and have a great day. The weather appears to be glorious!

maryT said...

The important question is, what kind of mustard do you request.
That was a big media issue when O went for a hamburger. Say hello to Jen if you hook up.
It is great to meet a fellow friend of the site, I know I enjoyed meeting AG a while ago. Then she let me know she met my g/daughter.