Busy week, need some laughs.
First up is the fossil of the day awards. Are these people serious? My 14 year old acts more mature than these idiots. They are funny though! Go Canada!
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Divorce cake...is that Tiger?
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Little Johnny is not an Obama fan
A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were obama fans.
Not really knowing what an obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny.
The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different... again.
Little Johnny said, "Because I'm not an obama fan."
The teacher asked, "Why aren't you a fan of obama?" Johnny said, "Because I'm a Republican."
The teacher asked him why he's a Republican. Little Johnny answered, "Well, my Mom's a Republican and my Dad's a Republican, so I'm a Republican."
Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, "If your mom were a moron and your dad were an idiot, what would that make you?"
With a big smile, Little Johnny replied, "That would make me an obama fan.",
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Mujibar was trying to get a job in India .
The Personnel Manager said, 'Mujibar,you have passed all the tests, except one.
Unless you pass it, you cannot qualify for this job.'
Mujibar said, 'I am ready.'
The manager said, 'Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink, and Green .'
Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, 'Mister manager, I am ready'
The manager said, 'Go ahead.'
Mujibar said,'The telephone goes green, green , and I pink it up, and say,
Yellow, this is Mujibar.'
Mujibar now works at a call center.
No doubt you have spoken to him. I know I have.
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Holy Prostitutes
A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye....It reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES
He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought.... Soon he sees another sign which reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES
Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives past a third sign saying:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
NEXT RIGHT
His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, "What may we do for you my son?"
He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business.."
"Very well my son. Please follow me." He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented.. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, "Please knock on this door."
He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door...
This nun instructs, "Please place $100 in the cup then go through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway."
He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through the door pulling it shut behind him.
The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another sign:
GO IN PEACE.
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST.. FRANCIS.
SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER.
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Some people have no class.
Look at his tie, it's so 'yesterday'.
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TWENTY NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE
1..My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2..I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3..Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
6.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
9.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
10..Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
11.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
12.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
13.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
14..Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
15.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
16..Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!
17.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up
18.. Procrastinate Now!
19.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
20.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
21.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
22.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
23..They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
24.. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
25...A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
26.. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
27..The trouble with life is there's no background music.
28..The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
29.. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.
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Stupid time wasting game of the week.....I killed all my livestock and bears came and attacked. Reminds me of all the greenies, they talk a good game, but they never, ever actually do anything to save the planet.
It's going to be -30 as a high tomorrow, so I'm not in the mood to listen to eco-nuts!
Stay warm.
5 comments:
Re: the Fossil of the Day.
It just proves that the environuts are out to have a good party, and the hell with the environment.
France's "Ray of the Day" award is well-deserved. Those are nuclear rays, though. The environuts may not be aware of it, but France counts on 59 nuclear power plants to produce about 80% of its electricity needs.
Some other facts:
• Canada emits a mere 1.9% of total GHG emissions (2006 data)
• The EU, often touted as achieving its GHG targets, emits 13.8% of global GHGs even though it can count on 196 nuclear power plants (and 17 more planned) which emit no CO2.
Thanks to anti-nuclear activists of the 60s, 70s and 80s (Elizabeth May's mother was one), Canada generates only about 15% of its electricity needs from nuclear power.
• Canada is 2.6 times bigger than the EU, so our energy needs for transportation alone are greater than those of Europe. Yet our GHGs are 1.9% while theirs total 13.8%.
• China produces 21.5 % of GHGs and the US 20.2 %, so we Canadians should save our guilt for the confessional.
• IF Climate Change is indeed a global problem, it requires a global solution, so every country needs to get onboard, not just the developed countries. And PM Harper has succeeded in making that case. Hooray to New Zealand and Poland, and may other countries come to their senses.
• Although Canada has been the recipient of various Fossil Awards from obviously dubious sources, another ranking Canada got, though not the number one position, is still respectable, IMO.
Canada placed #12 in the 2008 Environmental Performance Index http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Environmental_Performance_Index
Canada is ahead of countries like Denmark at #26, the Emerald Isle at #35, the US at #39 and Australia at #46.
Although Canada went from the #8 spot in 2006 to #12 in 2008, its actual score in 2008 was higher (86.6) that in 2006 (84).
Other than tearing down Canada's reputation, I would like to know exactly what the anti-Harper people who post comments here and elsewhere are PERSONALLY doing to reduce their own carbon footprint. I would wager not much.
I know where I would like to leave a carbon footprint ... with a swift kick on the backsides of windbags like Elizabeth May, David Suzuki, and Al Gore.
Maybe your Friday Night Funnies is not the appropriate place for my comment, but you have to admit that environuts are growing increasingly comical and deserving of laughter.
A great selection of funnies - all the best for FNF
This is interesting. I heard about it this a.m. on Radio-Canada:
http://www.nationalpost.com/opinion/columnists/story.html?id=2449aa65-c921-43f9-be59-073b12f5e12f
“… But Canada's Environment Minister says the charge is unjustified, and he is handing out his own awards in retaliation. Speaking from London, where he had just wrapped up a meeting with his British counterpart, Ed Miliband, Mr. Prentice said he is handing out the inaugural Hot Air of the Day award to the Pembina Institute green think-tank for its "tired and shopworn" criticism of Ottawa's performance on the same day UN climate change chief Yvo de Boer said Canada has been "negotiating very constructively" in Copenhagen….”
Good on Prentice for handing out his own award. I think more such awards should be handed out to people like … tada! … Elizabeth May, David Suzuki, John Bennett, Marlo Reynolds, and my favourite big bag of wind in a tiny frame: the Bloc environment critic. One of these days that guy is going to have an aneurysm during QP.
I like the Hot Air award. It appears that eco-nuts are rioting in Dopenhagen, with those masks over their faces they look just like terrorists.
I am shocked. Shocked. I expected SQ to come after you for that call center joke. Gee, I hope he's okay. Sarc switch now firmly in the "off" position.
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