Saturday, July 02, 2011

Friday Night Funnies: Where Is My Sunday Paper?

First off, Happy Canada Day! I loved watching Will and Kate celebrate Canada Day with us. They are the path to the future, may they lead with enthusiasm, energy, and intelligence.  Now, to the fun stuff:

The Law of Physics States it's easier to get up at 6:00 AM to play golf, then at 10:00 mow the lawn.

   o   A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfer from giving up the game.

   o   A good golf partner is one who's always slightly worse than you are. That's why I get so many calls to play with friends.

   o   A pro-shop gets its name from the fact that you have to have the income of a professional golfer to buy anything in there.

   o   If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, he probably shot an eight (or worse).

   o   It takes longer to learn good golf than it does to become a brain surgeon. On the other hand, you don't get to ride around on a cart, drink beer, eat hot dogs, and fart if you are performing brain surgery.
"WHERE is my SUNDAY paper?!"

The irate customer calling the newspaper office, loudly demanded to know where her Sunday edition was.

"Madam", said the newspaper employee, "today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on SUNDAY".

There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition as she was heard to mutter...

"Well, shit, that explains why no one was at church either.

A Ukrainian walked into a bank in Toronto and asked for the loan officer.
He told the loan officer that he was going to Kiev on business for two weeks
and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor at the bank.

The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the
loan; so the Ukrainian handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was
parked on the street in front of the bank.

The Ukrainian produced the title for the car, and everything checked out.
The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized
for having to charge 12% interest.

Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the
Ukrainian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan. An
employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's underground
garage and parked it.

Two weeks later, the Ukrainian returned and repaid the $5,000 and interest
of $23.07. The loan officer said, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your
business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little
puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are
a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is: Why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The Ukrainian replied, "Where else in Toronto can I park my car for two weeks
for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?"

Ah, the Ukrainians... See! Kielbasa & Vodka is good for the brain.
Weiner Limerick...

There once was a pervert named Weiner
Who had a perverted demeanor
Forced from the Hill
For acting like Bill
Now Congress is one weiner leaner
 Hope you had a great Canada Day! I will be watching Will and Kate for the next 8 days interact with Canadians. They are adorable.


West Coast Teddi said...

Happy Dominion Day Everyone.

Good time (and weather) for Canada Day in my little town. Great parade, build-a-boat (in 4 hours with only $100 in materials) celebrates 25 years and the "family park" was packed. Lots of fun and food!!

Thanks for "July 1 FNF"

maryT said...

I imagine you are enjoying the Royals and their visit to PEI, beautiful province.