Friday, November 18, 2011

Friday Night Funnies: Dog For Sale


A guy is driving around the back woods of
Montana and he sees a sign in front of a
broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking
Dog For Sale 'He rings the bell and the owner
appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a
nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of
hearing a dog talk, he says ‘So, what's your story?'

The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I
discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young..
I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA.

In no time at all they had me jetting from
country to country, sitting in rooms with
spies and world leaders, because no one
figured a dog would be eavesdropping.’

'I was one of their most valuable spies for
eight years running...

But the jetting around really tired me out,
and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so
I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job
at the airport to do some undercover security,
wandering near suspicious characters and
listening in. I uncovered some incredible
dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.'
'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and
now I'm just retired.'

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks
the owner what he wants for the dog.

'Ten dollars,' the guy says.

'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on
earth are you selling him so cheap?'

'Because he lies. He's never been out of
the yard'


Children Are Quick

TEACHER:    Why are you late?
STUDENT:     Class started before I got here.
TEACHER:    Maria, go to the map and find   North America      ..
MARIA:         Here it  is.
TEACHER:   Correct.  Now class, who discovered   America ?
CLASS:         Maria.
TEACHER:    John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN:          You told me to do it without using tables.
TEACHER:  Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN:      K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER:  No, that's wrong
GLENN:       Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.  
(I  Love this child)
TEACHER:   Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD:     H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER:   What are you talking about?
DONALD:    Yesterday you said it's H to O.  
TEACHER:   Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE:       Me!
TEACHER:   Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN:          Well, I'm a  lot closer to the ground than you are.  
TEACHER:     Millie, give me a sentence starting with '  I.  '
MILLIE:         I  is...
TEACHER:     No, Millie..... Always say, 'I  am.'
MILLIE:         All right...  'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'      
TEACHER:    George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree,
                    but also admitted it.  
                  Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS:           Because George still had  the axe in his hand.....    
TEACHER:    Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON:         No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.  
TEACHER:       Clyde , your  composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your   brother's..
Did you copy his?
CLYDE     :         No, sir. It's the same dog.    

(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
TEACHER:    Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people
are no longer  interested?
HAROLD:     A teacher
 Why Male Elk Have Long Antlers

Guy thing I guess!
A true story from the pages of the Manchester Evening Times .

Last Wednesday a passenger in a taxi heading for Salford
station leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently
tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention.

The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a
bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a
large plate window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab. Then,
the shaking driver said "are you OK? I'm so sorry, but you
scared the daylights out of me."

The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said,
"I didn't realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would
startle someone so badly."

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's
entirely my fault. Today is my very first day driving a cab.
I've been driving a hearse for 25 years."
Breaking the Barrier....Or Is It That Little Glass Ceiling Feminists Keep Harping About?

An otter showing us her baby....too cute! I love otters, look at her expressive eyes, maybe they should be our national animal!
Why Canadians go south for the winter.....

It's going to be minus 30 here warming really sucks in Edmonton! Stay warm. Remember, your family is the most important thing in your life.

1 comment:

West Coast Teddi said...

I would assume that MPee Martin really "broke the barrier" becoming Twit of the Tweet.

Thx 4 FNF ... my tweet of the day!!

enjoy the cold - we even had frost and slippery streets!!