Friday Night Funnies: Walking Eagle!

(Mom can you come and get me down?)

Okay, let's get started. I admit that my son helped me photoshop out the swear to something more acceptable for my family blog, but it's still funny!


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I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world.

I told them to BLEEP off!!

Anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving!!
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Walking Eagle!!!!

Michael Ignatieff was invited to address a major gathering of the
Indian Nation in B.C. this summer.

He spoke for almost an hour on his future plans for increasing every
First Nation's present standard of living if he were elected Prime
Minister. He assured them he was always urging the present
government to address more of the native community's concerns.

At the conclusion of his speech, the Tribe presented the Ignatieff
with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name - "Walking Eagle".
The proud Ignatieff then departed in his motorcade, waving to the
crowds.

A news reporter later inquired to the group of chiefs of how they
came to select the new name given to Ignatieff. They explained that
Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of shit it can no
longer fly.
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10 PIECES OF ADVICE TO BE PASSED ON TO YOUR MOM, YOUR DAUGHTERS OR GRANDDAUGHTERS, NIECES, AUNTS, GIRLFRIENDS, ETC.

1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.

2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.

4. Go for the younger man. You might as well, they never mature anyway.

5. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so we can tell them apart.

6. Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.

7. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

8. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in Biblical
times, men wouldn't ask for directions.

9. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him cheque books.

10. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you
laugh at his.
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Frozen carburetor
In the fun world of the administration of justice, not all the laughs are in the court-room. Indeed, giggles and guffaws can erupt at almost any time or place. For example:

On a bitterly cold winter's day several years ago in northern British Columbia, around McLure an RCMP constable on patrol came across a motorcyclist, who was swathed in protective clothing and helmet, stalled by the roadside.

"What's the matter?" asked the policeman.

"Carburetor's frozen," was the terse reply.

"Pee on it. That'll thaw it out."

"Can't."

"OK, Watch me and I will show you."

The constable lubricated the carburetor, as promised.

The bike started and the rider drove off, waving.

A few days later, the detachment office received a note of thanks from the father of the motorbike rider.

It began: "On behalf of my daughter, who recently was stranded, we appreicate the assistance that was provided."
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(What do you people do in there all day?)
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EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS


1. A man comes into the ER and yells . . .' My wife's going to
have her baby in the cab.' I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab,
lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear.

Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - -
and I was in the wrong one.

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco

2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.

'Big breaths,'. . . I instructed.

'Yes, they used to be,'. . .replied the patient..

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes,
Seattle , WA

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.

Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the
family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.'

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed
me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. ' Which one ?'. . . I asked.

'The patch....the Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running
out of places to put it !' I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!

Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

Submitted b y Dr. Rebecca St. Clair,
Norfolk , VA

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, 'How long have
you been bedridden?'

After a look of complete confusion she answered . . . ' Why, not for about twenty
years - when my husband was alive.'

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson-
Corvallis , OR

6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up
on a man I asked . . .' So how's your breakfast this morning?'

' It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to
the taste.'. . . Bob replied.

I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'

Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf,
Detroit

7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with
purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos,
and wearing strange clothing, entered . . ..

It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was
scheduled for immediate surgery.. When she was completely disrobed on the
operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and
above it there was a tattoo that read . . ..' Keep off the grass.'

Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing,
which said 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn..'

Submitted by RN no name

AND FINALLY!! ! . . . . . . .. . . . . . . .

8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB. I was quite embarrassed
when performing female pelvic exams.... To cover my embarrassment I had
unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.

The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst
out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly
said. ' I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?'

She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard . .
'No doctor but the song you were whistling was. ' I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.' '

Dr. wouldn't submit his name...
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Eye Exam... (Are you cheating with a magnifying glass? HA!)


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From dancing dogs to pigs analyzing your sex life ....

For your fun game tonight.....learn about your sex life by drawing a pig! HA! Try it, they were pretty accurate about my sex life.... but, a lady never tells!