Friday Night Funnies: Halloween, What Else Did You Expect?

My parents are visiting from Kelowna, and Halloween is tomorrow, so I have no time for politics this weekend. I do however have time for some jokes, ethnically correct or not. Here we go:

2010 Master canceled, winner already announced:


"As Americans we should not be shocked that Obama was given the Nobel Peace Prize without any accomplishments to his name.

We gave him the White House based on the same credentials..."
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An incredible story of luck and inspiration for all of us!!

Can you believe it?
This guy wins $181 million in the lottery last Wednesday.
And then finds the love of his life just 2 days later.

Talk about LUCK!!!!


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Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got
to know each other so well, they decided to get married.

One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom
broom.

The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The
groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding
was lovely.

After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned
over and said to the groom-broom, "I think I am going to
have a little whisk broom!"

"IMPOSSIBLE!" said the groom broom.

Are you ready for this?
Brace yourself; this is going to hurt! !! !! !

"WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!"

Oh for goodness sake... Laugh, or at least groan.
Life's too short not to enjoy... Even these silly little cute......
And clean jokes!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sounds to me like she's been sweeping around!!!
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I have a few pumpkins to carve, but what do you do with the seeds? (Not a joke, but useful and yummy!)

Pumpkin Seeds

Arturo Delfin
The pumpkin carving ritual wouldn't be complete without the smells and crunching of roasted pumpkin seeds! This also works for squash seeds, including spaghetti squash.
Ingredients:

Pumpkin or squash seeds
If you want to add salt or seasonings, you'll need a bit of oil so it will stick
Preparation:

Preheat oven to 350 F. (or seed below for lower slower method).

1) Clean the pulp off the pumpkin seeds (or squash seeds), and dry with paper towels.

2) If desired, toss with a little olive or other oil. You only need enough to barely coat, otherwise, they will be greasy. Add salt and any kind of seasoning you want - garlic powder, Cajon seasoning, dried chile powder, or whatever sounds good to you!

3) Cover a baking sheet with parchment paper and spread the seeds out in one layer.

Bake for 3-5 minutes, until seeds just start to color and are fragrant. Sometimes I use a longer but safer method of using a lower temperature. If you roast the seeds at 250 degrees F., you don't have to watch them as carefully. It takes about 45 -60 minutes.
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Happy Halloween Stripper


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Will I Live to see 80?
Here's something to think about.

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests,she said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. (I just turned 66)

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking , 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'

She asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?'

'Oh no,' I replied.. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'

Then she asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?
'I said, 'Not much... my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'

'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?'

'No, I don't,' I said.

She asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?'

'No,' I said.

She looked at me and said, 'Then, why do you even give a shit?
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Little Johnny's at it again...... A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?' 'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'

* * * * * * * * * * *
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. 'What's the matter?' asked Little Johnny. 'Giving up?'
* * * * * * * * * * *
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, 'Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?' Little Johnny quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'
* * * * * * * * * * *
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him. Little Johnny asked, " Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ? "
(this is my favorite)
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Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom ..'
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Why dogs hate Halloween:





Why Kids love/hate Halloween:




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For your silly, time wasting game of the week, play Halloween Tripeaks.


Video of our 2009 Halloween House to come....it's spooky!! My Mom thinks we should phone up the TV stations so they can come over and film it. Typical Mom, their kids are the best, always, and I wouldn't want it any other way.