Saturday, June 25, 2011

Friday Night Funnies: Husband Day Care

Norwegian Lottery;

Ole and Sven were waiting at the bus stop when a truck

went past loaded up with rolls of sod.

Ole said, “I’m gonna do dat when I win da lottery.”

“What's dat, den?” asks Sven.

“Send my lawn away to be mowed."
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Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Miami, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:

"Are you the owner?"

The pharmacist answers, "Yes."

Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"

Pharmacist: "Of course, we do."

Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"

Pharmacist: "All kinds."

Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"

Pharmacist: "Definitely."

Jacob: "How about suppositories?"

Pharmacist: "You bet!"

Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis and Alzheimer's?"

Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The Works."

Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"

Pharmacist: "Absolutely."

Jacob: "Everything for heartburn and indigestion?"

Pharmacist: "We sure do."

Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?"

Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."

Jacob: "Adult diapers?"

Pharmacist: "Sure."

Jacob: "We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry."
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The one housing market that is growing:

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ABCDEFGHIJK

After being married for thirty years....a wife asked her husband to describe her.

He looked at her slowly...then said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."
She asks..... "What does that mean?"

He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot.
She smiled happily and said...."Oh, that's so lovely..... What about  I, J, K?"

He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"
His eye is still swollen....but it will get better.............
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Thanks to social media coverage of the Stanley Cup riots, the Vancouver

Police Department has been able to identify many of the rioting suspects.

They are looking for 537 guys named Burrows, 931 named Kesler, 1768

named Sedin, and 2671 named Luongo.
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One TRAIN TICKET

Three women and three men are traveling by train to the football match.

At the station, the three men each buy a ticket and watch as the three women buy just one ticket.

'How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?' asks one of the men.

'Watch and learn,' answers one of the women.

They all board the train. The three men take their respective seats but all three women cram into a toilet together and close the door.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets.

He knocks on the toilet door and says, 'Ticket, please.. The door opens just a crack, and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand.   The conductor takes it and moves on.

The men see this happen and agree it was quite a clever idea; so, after the game, they decide to do the same thing on the return trip and save some money.

When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip but see, to their astonishment, that the three women don't buy any ticket at all!!

'How are you going to travel without a ticket?' says one perplexed man.

'Watch and learn,' answer the women.

When they board the train, the three men cram themselves into a toilet, and the three women cram into another toilet just down the way.

Shortly after the train is on its way, one of the women leaves her toilet and walks over to the toilet in which the men are hiding.

The woman knocks on their door and says, 'Ticket, please.'

I'm still trying to figure out why men ever think they are smarter than women.
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SMART ASS
Two young businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store in the shopping mall. As yet, the store wasn't ready,with only a few shelves and display racks set up.

One said to the other, "I'll bet that any minute now some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling."

Sure enough, just a moment later, a curious senior gentleman walked up to the window, looked around intensely and rapped on the glass, then in a loud voice asked, "What are you sellin' here?"

One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling ass-holes."
Without skipping a beat, the oldtimer said, "You must be doing well. Only two left."
Seniors -- don't mess with them. They didn't get old by being stupid!
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Have a great weekend! We are trying to put in a new patio, but the rain is stalling progress. At least I have my wood work to do on rainy days. I am seriously ticked with the weather guys who predicted a hot DRY summer.

4 comments:

West Coast Teddi said...

ticked is right - cooking a turkey tonight - must be winter!!

thanks for the FNF

CanadianSense said...

Always funny stuff, u could ask Suzuki to explain why buddies in the Green lobby can't get the Global freezing/warming/ hysteria correct.

Garden is doing better than last year. Tomatoes, Eggplants, Pepper, Cucumbers look promising.

West Coast Teddi said...

Need to add that I put the turkey on, realized that it is 6 months until Christmas, and the sun comes out - hotter than blazes - a lovely day on the Island!!

Powell lucas said...

No worries about the rain. My ark is nearly complete.