He was convinced that it was true love.
And so....on the last night of his vacation, the two of them
went to dinner and had a serious talk about how the relationship would
continue.
It's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut, '
John said to his new found lady friend. 'I eat, sleep and
breathe golf, so if that's going to be a problem, you'd better
say so now!'
Helen took a deep breath and responded: 'Since
we're being honest with each other, here goes ... You need to
know that I'm a hooker' 'I see', John replied.
'That's a problem, for sure.' He spent some time looking
down at the table, deep in thought.
Then he added,
'You know, it's probably because you're not keeping your wrists
straight when you tee off.'
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SMILE!!! A bunch of funny animals showing us that they too can smile.
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Cutest Ass You Have Ever Seen:
What did you expect?? HA!
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The Three bears
A far more accurate account of the events of that fateful morning...
Baby bear goes downstairs, sits
in his small chair at the table.
He looks into his small bowl. It is empty.
'Who's been eating my
porridge?' he squeaks.
Daddy Bear
arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl
and it is also empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?!?' he roars.
Mummy Bear
puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, 'For God's
sake, how many times do I have to go through this with you idiots? It was Mummy
Bear
who got up first. It was Mummy Bear who woke everyone in the house. It was
Mummy Bear who made the coffee. It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher
from last night and put
everything away. It was Mummy Bear who swept the floor
in the kitchen. It was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to
fetch The newspaper and croissants. It was Mummy Bear who set the damn table.
'It was Mummy Bear who walked the bloody dog, cleaned the cat's litter tray, gave them their food, and refilled their water.
'And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-asses downstairs and grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully, because I'm only going to say
this once....
'I HAVEN'T MADE THE
FRIGGING PORRIDGE YET!!!'
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If you see this tomorrow, you might want to go back inside and stay there!
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BEST EVER BLONDE JOKE
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, 'Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get
started.'
Her boyfriend asks, 'What is it supposed to be when it's finished?'
The blonde says, 'According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster.'
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over
the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to
her and says,
'First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to
assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.'
He takes her hand and says, 'Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a
nice cup of tea, and then ..' he said with a deep sigh, . .. . .. .
(scroll down)
'Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.'
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Remember all those times you were dancing and you thought you were Fred Astaire?
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I have to thank all my email contributors and regular posters for sending me a huge number of jokes to choose from, you make the Friday Night Funnies rock!
Seeing as EofE started us off earlier today with some funnies, I encourage you all to contribute some jokes of your own in the comments. Remember to keep it clean. You can never have too many laughs.
One final treat, this is long, but it is really amazing.
3 comments:
Here is my short contribution.
Question: Why is Iggy still in Canada?
Answer: I Ruby took his passport.
Have a great day.
Thanks for the Funnies
No Joke!! but I'm heading south with the Grandkids to dine with Mickey, Minnie and the Goofy - back in a week!!
Hey, nice a**, Hunter. LOLOLOL. Cute little fellow, isn't he? I love baby animals.
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