Friday Funnies: Jumping Trolls!

Was Easter only last week? It already seems like forever ago! Oh well, it's Friday, time to relax, have a few chuckles and forget about lefties (they have no sense of humour, they are too busy trying to take over the world to laugh)!
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The Four Cats

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were.
The first man was an Engineer,

The second man was an Accountant,

The third man was a Chemist, and

The fourth man was a Government Employee.
To show off, the Engineer called his cat, "T-square, do your stuff."

T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.

Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said,

"Spreadsheet, do your stuff."

Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies.

Everyone agreed that was good.

But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, "Measure, do your stuff."

Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop.

Everyone agreed that was pretty good.

Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, "What can your cat do?"

The Government Employee called his cat and said, "CoffeeBreak, do your stuff."

CoffeeBreak jumped to his feet.......

Ate the cookies........

Drank the milk.......

Sh*t on the paper........

Screwed the other three cats.......

Claimed he injured his back while doing so.......

Filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions.......

Put in for Workers Compensation................and

Went home for the rest of the day on sick leave............

AND THAT, MY FRIEND IS WHY EVERYONE WANTS TO WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT !
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A student project, that is outstanding!


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A LITTLE THREE YEAR OLD BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET

HIS MOTHER THINKS HE HAS BEEN IN THERE TOO LONG, SO SHE GOES IN TO SEE WHAT'S UP

THE LITTLE BOY IS GRIPPING ON TO THE TOILET SEAT WITH HIS LEFT HAND AND
HITTING HIMSELF ON TOP OF THE HEAD WITH HIS RIGHT HAND

HIS MOTHER SAYS: "BILLY, ARE YOU ALRIGHT? YOU'VE BEEN IN HERE FOR AWHILE."

BILLY SAYS: "I'M FINE, MOMMY. I JUST HAVEN'T GONE 'DOODY' YET."

MOTHER SAYS: "OK, YOU CAN STAY HERE A FEW MORE MINUTES. BUT, BILLY, WHY
ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF ON THE HEAD?"

BILLY SAYS: "WORKS FOR KETCHUP."
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This was an article from the St. Petersburg Times Newspaper on Sunday. The
Business Section asked readers for ideas on "How Would You Fix the Economy?"

I thought this was the BEST idea.

*Dear Mr.President,***

*Patriotic retirement:***

There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force;

pay them $1 million each severance with stipulations:

1) They leave their jobs. Forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed.

2) They buy NEW American cars. Forty million cars ordered - Auto Industry
fixed.

3) They either buy a house or pay off their mortgage- Housing Crisis fixed.

All this and it's still cheaper than the "bailout".
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May You Always Make The Right Moves....

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My own special Friday funny! This just happened tonight, and I'm still chuckling about it.

Phone rings, it's a charity calling. They want $1 a day to feed the school children who can not concentrate in school because their poor stomachs are growling so loud (this fact is repeated about 5 times in two minutes). They need food and it will only cost me $365 a year!

I say no thanks, I've already given to the charity of my choice.

They say, well ANYTHING you can donate would be appreciated.

So, I tell them I would be more than willing to help them grow their own food in a garden, and that I only needed some land and those poor starving kids to help me plant a vegetable garden.

The caller told me she would pass me to her supervisor. I can clearly hear her telling her supervisor that she had someone who wanted to actually GROW the food for the kids! They were pretty much thinking they had a nut case on the line, and laughing about it. The supervisor came on and asked me what question I had.

I told him I wanted to help those poor starving kids by planting them a garden. He referred me to a web site. End of call. They were just happy to get rid of the gardening nutcase, and my money is still in my pocket. Win-Win for both of us.
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Finally, your mindless game....jumping trolls! HA!!! This was too funny for me not to play, my little trolls kept getting eaten by the owls.

Have a great Friday night and/or Saturday morning! Remember, life is yours to enjoy, so go out tomorrow and smell spring! To all you basement dwellers, you need to actually go outside to smell spring!