Friday, February 24, 2012

Friday Night Funnies: Gun Control


Welfare Question!


When you apply for Welfare in Pakistan,
China, Asia, Mexico or Arab countries,
what does that Government give you?




Answer - A map of Canada!
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Why some people have issues later in life:
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How to deal with junk mail:
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 A blonde is flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot. The pilot has a heart attack and dies.
She frantically picks up the microphone and radios, "May Day! May Day ! Help me ! Help me ! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead and I don't know how to fly. Help me ! Please help me !"
All of a sudden she hears a voice over the radio saying, "This is the Tower. I have received your message and I will talk you through it. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just Relax. Everything will be fine ! Now give me your height and position."
She says, "I'm 5'4" and I'm in the front seat."

"O.K." says the voice from the tower. "Repeat after me: Our Father, Who Art in Heaven . . ."
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 What is Celibacy?

Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances.

 
While attending a Marriage Weekend,

My wife and I, listened to the instructor declare,

'It is essential that husbands and wives know the

things that are important to each other.."

 
He then addressed the men,

'Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?'

 
I leaned over, touched my wife's hand gently, and whispered,

 
'Robin Hood -All-Purpose, isn't it?'



       And thus began my life of celibacy.........
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"It only went "Click!"

FROM ... "THE HOUSTON HERALD NEWSPAPER"

Last Thursday Night Around midnight, A Woman From Houston , Texas Was Arrested, Jailed, And Charged With Manslaughter For Shooting A Man 6 Times In The Back As He Was Running Away With Her Purse.

The Following Monday Morning, The Woman Was Called In Front Of The
Arraignment Judge, Sworn In, And Asked To Explain Her Actions.

The Woman Replied, "I Was Standing At The Corner Bus Stop For About 15 Minutes, Waiting For The Bus To Take Me Home After Work..
I Am A Waitress At A Local Cafe.....

I Was There Alone, So I Had My Right Hand On My Pistol, That Was In My Purse, That Was Hung Over My Left Shoulder.

All Of A Sudden I Was Being Spun Around Hard To My Left.
As I Caught My Balance, I Saw A Man Running Away From Me With My Purse.

I Looked Down At My Right Hand And I Saw That My Fingers Were Wrapped Tightly
Around My Pistol.


The Next Thing I Remember Is Saying Out Loud, " No Way Punk! Your Not Stealing My
Pay Check And Tips."

I Raised My Right Hand, Pointed My Pistol At The Man Running Away From Me With My Purse, And Squeezed The Trigger Of My Pistol 6 Times!

When Asked By The Arraignment Judge, "Why Did You Shoot The Man 6 Times?

The Woman Replied Under Oath,
"Because, When I Pulled The Trigger
The 7th Time, It Only Went Click."

The Woman Was Acquitted Of All Charges.
And She Was Back At Work, At The Cafe, The Next Day!
Now that's Gun Control.....
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Did you lose a cat?
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A federal agent drove up to Jim's ranch.  Jim asked him what his purpose was.
>
> "See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I
> wish.... On any land !!
> 
> No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself
> clear......do you understand ?!!"
>
The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.
> 
> A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked
> up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big
> Santa Gertrudis bull......
 

> 
> With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely
> that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The
> officer was clearly terrified.
> The rancher threw down his tools, ran
> to the fence and yelled at the top of his
> lungs.....
 
> 
> "Your badge, show him your BADGE........ ! !"
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 And I leave you with a dog, a cat and a rat:

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Have a great weekend. It appears that B.C. is sending us snow, gee thanks B.C., we send you all our retired people, you give us back bad weather!

7 comments:

West Coast Teddi said...

From the retiree on the Wet Coast ... I send you Thanks for the FNF ... how about a BC/AB final at the Scotties??

Thunderstick said...

re: dog, cat and rat. What a silly man with his send me to iraq comment. First, he's white and non-muslim so he'd be killed. Secondly mohammed or the koran doesn't like dogs, so it would be killed, probably the rat too. Finally, they'd probably just eat the cat.
just sayin'.

Jeremy said...

Love the one about welfare in arab countries!

In Canada we are an equal opportunity country. We are a multicultural, multiethnic, tolerant, open, loving, caring, compassionate, giving and forgiving society. Only in Canada can you immigrant or obtain refugee status when you come from a communist human rights violating nation or a nation that openly supports and or endorses terrorism. We will welcome you in good old fashion Liberal trudeau style and with our current affirmative action practices, you can achieve an excellent career with any level of government!
So if you’re an immigrant or refugee thinking or researching moving to Canada, don’t be scared by our little majority conservative Harpless government. We’re all liberals inside, even PM Harpless. Welcome to Canada!
Ps
We’ll even accommodate any special needs you may have such as religion, protection from speech that may offend you, your family honour etc…..BUT TAKE THAT DAMM FACE COVERING OFF AT THE SWEARING IN!

West Coast Teddi said...

Called it - BC/AB final yahoo - Curling is Canada's Game

liberal supporter said...

Meanwhile

hunter said...

Yikes LS, my kids band plays better tunes.

liberal supporter said...

Um, the title of the tune was the point of the comment, not your unbiased opinion of the musicianship.