Friday, March 16, 2012

Friday Night Funnies: Truth And No Underwear

To my FRIENDS who enjoy a glass of wine..
And those who don't and are always

seen with a bottle of water in their hand.

As Ben Franklin said:

In wine there is wisdom,
In beer there is freedom,
In water there is bacteria.

In a number of carefully controlled trials,

Scientists have demonstrated that if we drink
1 litre of water each day,
At the end of the year we would have absorbed
More than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) - bacteria
Found in feces.

In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.


We do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer
(or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor)
Because alcohol has to go through a purification process
Of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Water = Poop,
Wine = Health
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid,
Than to drink water and be full of $hit

How about Betty White, she's 90 and still going!
  Subject: : TRUTH and...NO UNDERWEAR

Partners help each other undress before sex.
However after sex, they always dress on their own.
Moral of the story:
In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.


When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and saying "congrats".
But, none of them come and touch the man's penis and say "Good job".
Moral of the story:
"Hard work is never appreciated"

No Underwear - Makes Sense to Me
A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch in the rocking chair wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.
'Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind for everyone to see!' he exclaimed.
The old man looked off in the distance without answering.
'Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?' he asked again.
The old man slowly looked at him and said,
'Well....last week I sat out here with no shirt on and I got a stiff neck. So this is your grandma's idea.' 
There are two statues in a park; One of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life!!!!!!!!

The angel tells them, 'As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most.'

He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery.

The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues.

After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing. The angel tells them, 'Um, you have fifteen minutes left, would you care to do it again?'

He asks her 'Shall we?'

She eagerly replies, 'Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions . . . this time, I'll hold the pigeon down and you shit on its head.'
Poetry in motion! Love this picture!
True story from Houston Medical Center

A man went to the hospital Emergency Room to have his wedding ring cut
off from his hoohoo.
According to the nurse attending, the patient and his girlfriend had a
drinks and then sex. Afterwards, she found the wedding ring in his pants
and she got so mad at him, she used petroleum jelly to slip the ring onto
hoohoo while he was asleep.

I don't know what's worse:

1. Having your girlfriend find out you're married.

2. Explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got onto your hoohoo.

3. Or finding out your hoohoo fits through your wedding ring.
 The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured By a hostile Indian War Party.

The Indian Chief proclaimed,

"So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger"...

"In honor of the Buffalo Hunt, YOU will be sacrificed in three days."

"Before we kill you, I grant you three requests" "What is your FIRST request?'

The Lone Ranger said, "I'd like to speak to my horse."

The Chief nodded and Silver was brought before the Lone Ranger who whispered in Silver's ear, and the horse galloped away.

Later that evening, Silver returned with A beautiful blonde woman on his back.

As the Indian Chief watched, The blonde entered the Lone Ranger's tent And spent the night.

The next morning the Indian Chief admitted That he was impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse, But we will still kill you in two days."

"What is your SECOND request?"

The Lone Ranger again asked to speak to his horse. Silver came to him, and he again whispered in the horse's ear.

As before, Silver took off and disappeared over the horizon.

Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returned, This time with a voluptuous brunette, Even more attractive than the blonde.

She entered the Lone Ranger's tent And spent the night.

The following morning the Indian Chief  said: "You are indeed a man of many talents,"

"But we will still kill you tomorrow." "What is your LAST request?"

The Lone Ranger responded, "I'd like to speak to my horse - alone."

The Chief was curious, but he agreed, And Silver was brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.

Once they were alone, The Lone Ranger grabbed Silver by both ears,
Looked him square in the eye and said, Listen Very Carefully! FOR...THE...LAST...TIME....

Can't forget tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day! Too funny!

Why parents drink:
The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent but had not phoned in sick. So he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. 'Hello ? '
'Is your daddy home?' ' Yes, he's out in the garden ,' whispered the small voice. 'May I talk with him?'The child whispered, ' No .' ;
So the boss asked, 'Well, is your Mommy there?' 'Yes, she's out in the garden too '& The boss asked; 'May I talk with her?' Again the small voice whispered, ' No .' Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, 'Is anybody else there?' ' Yes ,' whispered the child, ' a policeman.. '
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, 'May I speak with the policeman?' ' No, he's busy , ' whispered the child. 'Busy doing what?' ' Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the police dog men. ' Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background, the boss asked, 'What is that noise?' ' It's a helicopter ' answered the whispering voice.
'What is going on there?' demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive. ' The search team just landed a helicopter ' 'A search team?' said the boss. 'What are they searching for?'
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle.... ' ME
 Happy St Patrick's Day!

I had to add this one:


MONSTER said...
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West Coast Teddi said...
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