A Satisfied Taxpayer
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Dear Internal Revenue Service:
On this April 15th tax return due date you will find enclosed my
2008 tax return showing that I owe $3,407.00 in taxes.
Please note the attached article from the USA Today newspaper,
dated 12 November, wherein you will see the Pentagon (Department
of Defense) is paying $171.50 per hammer and NASA has paid
$600.00 per toilet seat.
I am enclosing four (4) toilet seats (valued @ $2,400) and
six (6) hammers (valued @ $1,029), which I secured at Home Depot,
bringing my total remittance to $3,429.00. Please apply the
overpayment of $22.00 to the "Presidential Election Fund," as
noted on my return.
You can do this inexpensively by sending them one (1) 1.5 inch
Phillips Head screw (see aforementioned article from USA Today
newspaper detailing how H.U.D. pays $22.00 each for 1.5 inch
Phillips Head Screws). One screw is enclosed for your
convenience.
To recap my enclosures:
Four toilet seats
Six hammers
and
One screw
It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look
forward to paying it again next year.
Sincerely,
A Satisfied Taxpayer
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How bad is the economy?
Cats are so dramatic!!!
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Dear CRS,
I am sorry to inform you that I will not be able to pay taxes
Owed April 30, but all is not lost. I have paid these taxes:
Accounts receivable tax, building permit tax, CDL tax, cigarette tax,
Corporate income tax, dog licence tax, federal income tax, unemployment tax,
Gasoline tax, hunting licence tax, fishing licence tax, waterfowl stamp tax,
Inheritance tax, inventory tax, liquor tax, luxury tax, medicare tax,
City & school & county property tax, real estate tax,
Social security tax, road usage tax, toll road tax, province and city sales tax, recreational vehicle tax,
provincial franchise tax, telephone federal excise tax, telephone federal provincial and local surcharge tax, telephone minimum usage surcharge tax, utility tax,
Vehicle licence registration tax, capitol gains tax, lease severance tax, oil and gas assessment tax,....
And many more that I can't recall, but I have run out of space and money.
When you do not receive my check April 30, just know that it is an honest mistake.
P.S. I will make at least a partial payment as soon as I get my stimulus check.
Your Friend
The Canadian Tax Payer
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I saw a billboard that said:
NEED HELP, CALL JESUS
1-800-005-3787
Out of curiosity, I did.
A Mexican showed up with a lawnmower.
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Is any explanation needed for this one??
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Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70!
01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
02. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
03. No one expects you to run--anywhere.
04. People call at 9 pm and ask, did I wake you?
05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
07. Things you buy now won't wear out.
08. You can eat supper at 4 pm.
09. You can live without sex but not without your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
19. You can't remember who sent you this list.
And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.
Forward this to every one you can and remember !
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
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Just to let you know
No matter what situations life throws at you...
No matter how long and treacherous your journey may seem...
Remember ~~ there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
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One of my favorite grannies, The Fruit Lady!
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Mindless game of the week....Puppy Fetch!
Where did spring go? Try to get out into the fresh air this weekend!
4 comments:
I love the one for us over-50 folks. A couple of years ago, one of my friends was recounting a social evening with a group from church. She told me how topics of conversations change of the years. In their youth, they talked about their future spouses. Then they talked about their children. On that particular evening, they found themselves discussing ways to increase dietary fiber. It's funny how fiber becomes more important than marriage or children when you reach 50 and beyond. I have to admit that she was right - I'm more interested in my fiber intake and calorie reduction than I am in other elements of life. LOL.
Had to get a "real accountant" to do my taxes this year, just to undo the mistake I made from last year. Tax programs are good but some times I wonder about the "operator". Got a nice refund which paid off the Visa!
Thanks for the funnies
forgot to add to EE's post ... too much fiber and you will then start discussing diapers for the elderly. Hot topic at the care home!!
WCT - oh man, thankfully I wasn't trying to swallow a liquid when I read your comment. Too funny. As John Baird said: "that would depend" (the funniest QP line I've ever heard).
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