Friday Night Funnies: T-G-I-F vs S-H-I-T

CLEVER PONDERISMS

1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 a piece on those little
bottles of Evian water?
Try spelling Evian backwards : NAIVE

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2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing
section in a swimming pool? 
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3.  OK ..... so if the  Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the 'Jags' and
the  Tampa   Bay  Buccaneers are known  as the 'Bucs,' what does that make
the  Tennessee  Titans?

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4.  If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea does that mean that one
enjoys it?

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5.  There are three religious truths:
      a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
      b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the
Christian faith.
      c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or
Hooters.

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6.   If people from  Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from
Holland  called Holes?

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7.  If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

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8.   Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale
bread to begin with?

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9  Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who
drives a race car is not called a racist?

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10. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

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11.   If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it  follow
that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged,
models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

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12.  If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

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13.   Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?  

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14.   What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of  bald men?

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15.   I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot
more as they get older; then it dawned on me ... they're cramming for
their final exam.

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16. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons
and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use?  Toothpicks?

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17.   Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What
are we supposed to do, write to them?
Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the
mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

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18.  If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are
the others here for?

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19.   You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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21.   Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

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22.   If a cow laughed, would she spew milk out of her nose?

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23.   Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

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24. At income tax time, did you ever notice: When you put the two
words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells   ... 'THEIRS'?
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Kids, they are trouble:

----------------------------------------------------------------- The Leftie version of gun control! ----------------------------------------------------- I just read an article on the dangers of drinking....  Scared the shit out of me.  So that's it!  After today, no more reading

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 Okay this is a girl thing, so you guys just skip this one, ....kidding. The wait is a bit long, but it's worth it. I'm not sure what they are apologizing for...anyone???

Sorry

this really is for a woman -  but guy's can listen too! 

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This is cool. Put your first name in when it asks for your name… 

Then sit back and listen.

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Triumph....

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T-G-I-F vs. S-H-I-T

 A business man got on an elevator. When he entered,

there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, "T-G-I-F"

He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T"

She looked puzzled and repeated,
"T-G-I-F," more slowly.

He again answered, "S-H-I-T."

The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her

biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F."

The man smiled back to her and once again, "S-H-I-T."

The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain. "'T-G-I-F

means Thank God, It's Friday. Get it, duuhhh?"

The man answered, "S-H-I-T' means

'Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday'-- duuhhh."

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Every dog should have his own cat:

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 Somebody Going To Get Hurt Real BAD.....

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This test is based on how cool you were in High School...

What crowd you ran with, what car you drove, who you dated, etc.

It's pretty accurate.

You may want to send it to your friends to see if they've changed.

 

Cool Person Test:

HA! Stay un-cool!

Alison Redford Thinks We Are Hicks!

She is a well traveled, UN lawyer, who thinks we should respect her because she has traveled the world and we red necked hicks haven't. 

 What I do think is that it’s a really big world out there. There are a lot of players. There’s no doubt that we have known for some time that we were going to start to see the agenda around energy issues and environmental issues change. And my view has always been that it’s possible to be effective in that arena if you can anticipate what’s coming next. I’ll tell you that I believe that in the last while Alberta hasn’t had leadership that understood Alberta’s role internationally. We needed to understand that decision-makers in Europe could impact us, not just decision-makers in Ottawa. It’s not just us in control of our own destiny. We are part of a global economy, and a global energy sphere, and we need to understand the impact that the political dialogue could have on our province.

She is a UN lawyer who appears to want a global government. She is as arrogant as Mulcair. She is dangerous to Alberta's way of life.

Ezra on the new NDP leader. Mulcair is a citizen of France....what is it with Quebec citizens Dion and Mulcair, can't they only be loyal to Canada?



Mulcair is no friend of Alberta. Interestingly enough, it appears that Alison Redford is also no friend of Alberta either. It seems that she applied to become a citizen of South Africa, and was denied. I wonder why they denied our UN, lefty Premier citizenship?

All of this doesn't surprise me coming from Redford.  She spent some time working at the UN so she is of that kind of mindset.

The Secretary General of the United Nations Boutros Boutros-Ghali appointed and assigned Alison Redford to a post in the United Nations as a special legal adviser.^{[citation needed]}
Throughout the 1990s, Redford worked as a technical adviser on constitutional and legal reform issues in various parts of Africa for the European Union, the Commonwealth Secretariat, the Canadian Government and the Government of Australia. Her work in Africa focused on human rights litigation, developing education programs and policy reform with respect to gender issues.^[3]

Danielle Smith was right in calling her out on it.    These are the kind of things we need to be alerted about.

 Smith says she doesn’t want to change the character of Alberta.
“I don’t think we need to be fixed,” says Smith, calling this election “a fight for the heart and soul of the province.”
She thinks Redford “doesn’t like Alberta all that much. She doesn’t like who we are. Do we need to be changed? Do we need Ms. Redford to change us? I think the answer is a resounding no.”

In the comments at Chasing Apple Pie, we find this little gem:

 In an interview with Macleans magazine in December of 2011 Alison Redford openly admitted that she sought and was denied citizenship in South Africa. Redford made her way back to Alberta and not by choice. Isn't it nice to have a person seeking the position of Premier for the province of Alberta would rather be some place else? Their denial is our loss.

 How committed is Red Ali to Alberta? Is she just an opportunist? I know that she is out of step with what I want for Alberta. I emailed my MLA about getting rid of the Human Rights Commissions, but fat chance of that happening under Ali's watch, she is a UN supporter, and loves human rights commissions.

 On a positive note, Danielle Smith's Wildrose party has released the first part of their family plan.

They are going to give tax credits to families with children under the age of 18. It's an interesting proposal, reminds me of the Conservative federal tax credit that the Liberals labeled the "beer and popcorn" credit. The Wildrose is speaking to families, while the PC's are still trying to make up for their HUGE blunder with the "nomeet" committee. Too little too late.

They are also pandering to the greenies with their money for the oil sands clean up. Hint: The oil companies are already reclaiming the land, and if lawyer Alison cared to check, it's a requirement of development, and already factored into the oil companies budgets. No need to throw around taxpayers money to gain a few green votes.

The PC's are demoralized. (Notice how Alison never uses the word Conservative?) I got a door knocker for my PC MLA tonight. When I told him I was switching my vote, he looked down at his list and just left. As I was closing the door, I looked across the street, and I saw the Wildrose candidate, he was running from door to door. I snagged two signs off of him, and away he went. The difference in the energy was very noticeable. Alberta Spring....how the lefties will hate it!


H/T to Chasing Apple Pie and Joe Albertan