Buy My CO2 Eating Carbon Credits

The hour of darkness is fast approaching Alberta, some of you in eastern Canada are already experiencing it's effects. I'm here to help. Before you get sucked into the dark vortex of Earth Hour, you can save yourself by buying some of my carbon credits.

This is a CO2 sucking operation, right in my home, creating more oxygen than we can use. So I am willing to sell you some of this oxygen. It's a complex operation, taking hours of sunshine, organic earth, and H2O. Here's what you can buy to relieve yourself of guilt:

Greenhouse stage plants:



These little babies are well on their way to adulthood, as they grow, they will suck more CO2 out of the atmosphere. These are cheap only a million credits per plant.

Kindergarten Stage:



These babies are just out of the greenhouse and ready to be transplanted, so they can grow up to be CO2 sucking adults. These are more expensive 8 million credits per litre of CO2 sucked up.

Full grown CO2 sucking adult:



This is the ultimate CO2 eating machine. Each leaf alone sucks more CO2 out of the atmosphere than any light that has been turned off. It is worth every light that gets turned off tonight in Toronto. Want to know why no-one in my family is ever sick? These CO2 eating, oxygen producing plants work day and night to keep the air in our house clean.

So, will my lights be turned off at eight, sure, it's still light out here at eight, why would I waste electricity on lights, but my 3 computers, TV, dishwasher, dryer and BBQ will all be fired up, along with the gas fireplace.

Point? I recycle, compost year round, grow my own plants, have a big vegetable garden, collect rainwater in 4 giant containers, use no chemicals, so turning off my lights for one hour is stupid. It does nothing to actually reduce CO2, as if that's even the problem. HINT: CO2 is NOT a pollutant. The problem is all the dim watt bulbs who believe in this garbage.

So, lefties, buy my CO2 eating carbon credits, and I promise to plant all those plants this spring. If not, I might go on a rampage and kill them all!!!