Friday, September 18, 2009

Friday Night Funnies: Albino Moose

Or is that mooses?? Two of them, what are the odds?

Calmness In Our Lives

I am passing this on to you because it definitely works, and we could all
use a little more calmness in our lives. By following simple advice heard on the Dr. Phil show, you too can find inner peace.

Dr. Phil proclaimed, 'The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and never finished.'

So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before the morning was over I finished off a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos,
and a box of chocolates.

You have no idea how freaking good I feel right now. Pass this on to those whom you think might be in need of inner peace.

P.E.I. Drunk, you just gotta love it!!!!

Recently, during a routine patrol, an RCMP patrolman parked down the street outside a Legion Hall just off the main Street in Charlottetown .. PEI .

After last call, the officer observed a man leaving the Legion Hall. The gentleman was so intoxicated that he could barely walk. He then stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car, which he fell into.

He sat there for a few minutes and then threw a hook and line out the window and seemed to be trying to catch a fish.. A number of other patrons paid no attention to this crazy drunk as they left the bar and drove off.

Finally the drunk started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine, dry summer night) flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn, and switched on the headlights.

He then pulled in the hook and line and moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patron vehicles left. At last, the parking lot was empty; he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down the road.

The officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, and promptly pulled the man over. He performed a breathalyzer test on the gentleman who cooperated fully, and to his amazement the breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man having consumed any alcohol at all!

Dumbfounded, the officer said, 'I'll have to ask you to accompany me to Headquarters.
This breathalyzer equipment must be broken."
"I doubt it," said the truly proud Prince Edward Islander

"Tonight I'm the designated decoy."
A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural
pub. She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her
immediately. She seductively signaled that he should bring his face
closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.

'Are you the manager?' she asked, softly
stroking his face with both hands.

'Actually,I am' he replied.

' I Have something to tell you,' she said,
running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

'I like the way you tell things,' breathed the
manager, 'What is it?'

She continued running her forefinger across the
managers lips, popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and
allowing him to suck them gently

She whispered to the now breathless manager,
'There's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room.'

The Jesusita Fire in Santa Barbara, CA last week caused these two to take shelter together. The fawn is 3 days old and the bobcat about 3 weeks. The fawn came from somewhere in the fire and the bobcat from Carpentaria. They immediately bonded and snuggled together under a desk in the Santa Barbara County Dispatch Office for several hours.

An extremely alert reader is reporting that Animal Planet is reporting the bobcat kitten was rescued near Arnold Schwarzeneggers ranch, where it was dehydrated and near death.
They rescued the fawn during last weeks wildfire. Although wild animals, especially of separate species, are never placed together due to regulations, in this emergency situation, they had no choice. During the mayhem of the fire, they were forced to put animals anywhere they could, since they had run out of crates large enough for the fawn. The kitten ran to the fawn, and it was instant bonding.

Here's a riddle:

Hillary, Biden and Obama were on a donkey, at the edge of a cliff.
The donkey got spooked and jumped off the cliff.
Who was saved? (Answer later.)
I have four extra tickets for the Robbie Knievel (son of Evil Knievel) Event at the Ford Center next weekend in Beaumont, Texas, if anybody wants them.

Robbie is going to try to jump over 1,000 Obama supporters with a Caterpillar D-9 bulldozer. It should be fun.
Let's see which of my readers is the smartest! See if you can figure out what these words have in common.

1. Banana
2. Dresser
3. Grammar
4. Potato
5. Revive
6. Uneven
7. Assess

Look at each word carefully. You'll kick yourself when you discover the answer.
I leave you with that little brain teaser until tomorrow, let's see who comes up with the correct answer in comments, and yes I will even let my trolls out to play along.

Oh, and the answer to the riddle?



Swift said...

It's not hard. Move the first letter to the end and read backwards.

Southern Quebec said...

If you move the first letter of the word to the end of the word, it is the same word spelled backwards.


hunter said...

Swift is the winner! And the troll comes in second!

Anonymous said...

Back under the bridge, SQ!

West Coast Teddi said...

Oh that is so unfair - we on the West Coast are just getting up on a Saturday morning and being of the "older generation" probably were fast asleep when EsQue was up trolling the internet hoping to get past Hunter's moderation.

Thanks for the FNF ... as per usual!!

MariaS said...

Great ones, as usual, Hunter. I am sending the "If Bush Had" in an email to my friends.
And oh I had the answer to the riddle: America. It was easy :}