It's finally Friday, and it's time for us to laugh. Now, after being accused by Liberals of being a red necked Albertan myself, let's start things off with a JOKE, that Liberals will approve of wholeheartedly:
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Three Sensitive Rednecks
Three Rednecks were working up on a cell phone tower: Cooter, Ronnie and Donnie. As they start their descent, Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is DRT (Dead Right There).
As the ambulance takes the body away, Ronnie says, 'Well, damn, someone should go and tell his wife.'
Donnie says, 'OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it.'
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.
Ronnie says, 'Where did you get that beer, Donnie?'
'Cooter's wife gave it to me,' Ronnie replies.
'That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?'
'Well, not exactly', Donnie says, 'When she answered the door, I said to her, "You must be Cooter's widow".'
She said, 'You must be mistaken, I'm not a widow.'
Then I said, 'I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are.'
(Rednecks Are Good At That Sensitive crap)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
some stories written from a female's point of view
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweat-shirt seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me,
'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'
'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, ' University of Alberta.'
---------------------------------------------
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, 'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.'
The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...'
----- ------------------------------------------
'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbours would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
-----------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumour
------- ---------------------------------------
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death..AMEN
----------------------------------------------
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are learning to be men.
----------------------------------------------
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
----------------------------------------------
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manual.'
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chalk guy again, this is a flat sidewalk:
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"The Parking Ticket"
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.
We went up to him and said, 'Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?'
He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires.
So my wife called him a shit-head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket.
This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote. Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus and the car had an Obama sticker. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Close your eyes guys....this is for the ladies....Yummy
Ok BE HONEST...how many of you REALLY ENJOY getting little angel love notes from every person in your address book? You know the ones with "I love you so.... here's an angel" ... and some mushy poem crap....
And like the cute wasn't bad enough, they then THREATEN you with bad luck if you don't send it on to others!!
So here's my version:
Take the fairy dust:
Add it to one of those angels
And POOF!!!!....
He's good luck because he probably made you smile.
When you're finished trying to see up his loincloth,
(AND YOU JUST LOOKED AGAIN, DIDN'T YOU??), email this to your girl friends.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here is an actual sign posted at a golf club in Scotland
1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART.
2. FORM A LOOSE GRIP.
3. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN!
4. AVOID A QUICK BACK SWING.
5. STAY OUT OF THE WATER.
6. TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE.
7. IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU.
8. DON'T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS.
9. QUIET PLEASE...WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING.
10. DON'T TAKE EXTRA STROKES.
WELL DONE... NOW, FLUSH THE URINAL, GO OUTSIDE, AND TEE OFF.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Caution, Muslim mentioned)
Three strangers strike up a conversation in the passenger lounge in Bozeman, Montana, while waiting for their respective flights...
One is an American Indian passing through from Lame Deer, another is a Cowboy on his way to Billings for a livestock show and the third passenger is a fundamentalist Arab student, newly arrived at Montana State University from the Middle East.
Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soon, the two Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim and the conversation falls into an uneasy lull.
The cowboy leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table, tips his big sweat-stained hat forward over his face, and lights a cigarette. The wind outside is blowing tumbleweeds around, and the old windsock is flapping; but still no plane comes.
Finally, the American Indian clears his throat and softly he speaks, 'At one time here... my people were many... but sadly, now we are few.'
The Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward, 'Once my people were few,' he sneers, 'and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?'
The cowboy removes his cigarette from his mouth and from the darkness beneath his Stetson says in a smooth drawl . ..
'I reckon that's 'cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet, But I do believe it's a-comin'.'
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Finally for your time wasting game of the week, we have another oldie but goodie,
New Super Mario Bros. The music is very irritating, but the game is fun. Have a great weekend!
2 comments:
Thanks Hunter ... beauty of a day coming up here on the Island, almost like summer.
Have a good one and FNF is funny.
Nothing can beat FNF, but for a laugh one should visit Angry and see she who is banned twisting in the wind.
Post a Comment