Friday, September 04, 2009

Friday Night Funnies: The Bath Test


Okay, it's Friday again and time to sit back with a glass of wine and laugh!
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The Bathtub Test
During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director how do
you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a
teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," I said "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No." said the director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

ARE YOU GOING TO PASS THIS ON, OR DO YOU WANT THE BED NEXT TO MINE??
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Children Writing About The Ocean...

1) - Here is my picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles.
(Kelly, age 6)
2) - Oysters' balls are called pearls.
(Jerry, age 6)
3) - If you are surrounded by ocean you are an island.
If you don't have ocean all round you, you are incontinent.
( Wayne , age 7)
4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson.
She's not my friend any more.
(Kylie, age 6)
5) - A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head.
(Billy, age 8)
6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots and comes back with crabs.
(Millie, age 6)
7) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean.
Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans.
(William, age 7 )
8) - Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids.
They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really?
(Helen, age 6)
9) - I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write.
(Amy, age 6)
10) - Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers.
(Christopher, age 7)
11) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small.
(Kevin, age 6)
12) - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water.
Divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other.
(Becky, age 8)
13) - On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass.
(Julie, age 7)
14) - The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown, I don't know..
(Bobby, age 6)
15) - My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean.
What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom.
(James, age 7)
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One for the girls!!


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THE POTTY
A LITTLE THREE YEAR OLD BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET. HIS MOTHER THINKS HE HAS BEEN IN THERE TOO LONG, SO SHE GOES IN TO SEE WHAT'S UP. THE LITTLE BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET READING A BOOK. BUT ABOUT EVERY 10 SECONDS OR SO HE PUTS THE BOOK DOWN, GRIPS ONTO TO THE TOILET SEAT WITH HIS LEFT HAND AND HITS HIMSELF ON TOP OF THE HEAD WITH HIS RIGHT HAND.
HIS MOTHER SAYS: "BILLY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? YOU'VE BEEN IN HERE FOR A WHILE.
BILLY SAYS: "I'M FINE, MOMMY... I JUST HAVEN'T GONE 'DOODY' YET."
MOTHER SAYS: "OK, YOU CAN STAY HERE A FEW MORE MINUTES.BUT, BILLY, WHY ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF ON THE HEAD?"

BILLY SAYS: "WORKS FOR KETCHUP."
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The Lion Whisperer, this guy has balls! (I think he still has them)


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If you don't know who this guy is, you need to read more.

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AN ITALIAN BOY'S CONFESSION

'Bless me Father, for I have sinned.
I have been with a loose girl'.

The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?'

'Yes, Father, it is.'

'And who was the girl you were with?'

'I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation'.

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later
so you may as well tell me now... Was it Tina Minetti?'

'I cannot say.'

'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'

'I'll never tell.'

'Was it Nina Capelli?'

'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'

'Was it Cathy Piriano?'

'My lips are sealed.'

'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'

'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'

The priest sighs in frustration.
'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that.
But you've sinned and have to atone.
You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months.
Now you go and behave yourself.'

Joey walks back to his pew,
and his friend Franco slides over and whispers,
'What'd you get?'

'Four months vacation and five good leads.'
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Ole Fills In

A doctor in Duluth wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant. 'Ole, I am goin' huntin' tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic.

I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all my patients.'

'Yes, sir!' answers Ole.

The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: 'So, Ole,
How was your day?'

Ole told him that he took care of three patients. 'The first one had a
Headache so I gave him TYLENOL.'

'Bravo, Mate, and the second one?' asks the doctor.

'The second one had stomach burning and I gave him MAALOX, sir,' says Ole.

Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?' asks the
Doctor.

'Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman enters.
Like a flame, she undresses herself, taking off everything including her bra

And her panties and lies down on the table and shouts: HELP ME - I haven't

Seen a man in over two years!!

'Tunderin' Lard Yeezus, Ole, what did you do?' asks the doctor.

.
. 'I put drops in her eyes!!

(U all thought I was sending a dirty joke!!!!)
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Once again discrimination rears it's ugly head!


Will it never end??? (Hint to lefties, that's a joke!)
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For your mindless game of the week, a classic....PACMAN!!! (I thought he was dead).

Enjoy the last long weekend of the summer. Where did it go?

4 comments:

East of Eden said...

Hunter - I loved the first cartoon. Years ago, I used to read MAD magazine and in one issue there was a "snappy answers to stupid questions". A young perky journalist asked a very old man "to what do you owe your long life" and he answered "to the fact that I have not yet died". I still chuckle when I think of that one.

Thanks for the Troll Day. It's amazing that the trolls still read your blog after being shut out. Frankly, if I were to be banned from a blog, I'd say "sc**w you" and move along. But then again, lefties have never been know for their powers of reason.

Have a great one, Hunter. I'm glad that you made the decision to ban those who disrespect you.

West Coast Teddi said...

I prefer FNF to "troll day" but every so often it is nice to see some of their handi-kworks.

My wife is now laughing along side during our read of FNF ... and she thinks I'm all political all the time!!

Thanks

Dodoforever said...

Great ones Hunter. I was having a sleeping Sat morning but these woke me up.

Here's one I received in my mailbox today.

Wife: What are you doing?'
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate
for an hour.'
Husband: 'I was looking for the expiry date.'

Frances said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.